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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7 year old watching an 18?! AIBU

89 replies

TheoandArchie · 08/10/2017 21:20

I may sound completely unreasonable and I know it's not my child but it's absolutely insane to me!

My younger son is 7 and is in year 3. On Friday he came bounding up to me after school asking if he could watch Rambo. Obviously, I said no because it's not exactly a children's movie...
He said that his best friend, let's call him Johnny for reference, had watched it. I presumed that Johnny had maybe just heard about it and hadn't actually watched it (because what parent allows their 7 year old to watch incredibly violent 18s?)
But Johnny came over to play today and when his dad dropped him off, I asked him about it. Johnny's dad said that he'd 'only' seen the newest one and I was absolutely shocked. Apparently Johnny's older brother, who's only around 11, had watched and their dad allowed Johnny to as well.
I then made it clear that I didn't want my son watching any movies like that, as my son is having a sleepover at Johnny's next weekend.
I'm still a little unsure about actually letting him go round for the night! He's assured me that he'd ask before letting them watch anything but it just seems like a reflection on his actual parenting in my opinion... AIBU?

OP posts:
IhaveChillyToes · 08/10/2017 23:32

One tip that was given on MN a few months ago when your child is going to a sleepover was that they were given a £5 phone (simple one without Internet)

Anyway, they were told to ring home with a question like "did you remember to feed Bob?" (Change for dog/cat/goldfish name)

The point is that it is a question that would not raise awareness in the other children or host parent

But it is secret code for I am not happy and want to come home

That way the child isn't saying to other parent they are unhappy and want to ring their mum or dad so can be persuaded not to cos too late or whatever or not to be silly

Then the child's parent can either ring the house saying coming to get child for a family reason of your choice or just go round to "rescue" upset child

I know some MNetters would say this was OTT but if your son was sat down and told they were going to play GTA or 18 film that he didn't want to then he could either ring from same room or go to bathroom to ring you

My children are grown up so don't have personal experience of this situation but it may help you and your DS

ADayGivingMeHope · 08/10/2017 23:36

YABU for judging his parenting

YANBU for speaking to him about your child not watching those films when they stay there

Brennivin · 08/10/2017 23:47

As for Grand Theft Auto, my ds played that at 6. He caught a glimpse of OH playing and wanted to drive around. He turned off the missions, sound etc and literally just let DS drive a car around

I wouldn't let a 6 yr old drive around in GTA though. Such young kids don't tend to be great at the steering and will almost certainly end up killing a lot of NPC pedestrians by running them over. I would stick to actual driving games rather than violent open world games.

Zeelove · 08/10/2017 23:53

You don't know the dad all that well, then you shouldn't be allowing sleepovers at all. Regardless of the fact he allows his child to watch 18s.

My 8 year old is allowed to watch some 15s with me. I'd never allow him to have a sleepover at someone i didn't know very well though

SezziBaybee · 08/10/2017 23:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

Emilyfarnsbarns · 08/10/2017 23:59

I have - that’s great advice, we intend to do this when our dc’s are a bit older. Such a fantastic safety net for them.

MrsMerryFestive · 09/10/2017 00:00

Not a cat in hells chance I would let my DS go.

This Dad clearly has very different ideas of appropriate activities for young children to you. Yes you've spoken to him about the film but, really, knowing the choices he has made with his own son, do you actually trust him to look after yours properly?!

IhaveChillyToes · 09/10/2017 00:13

@Emilyfarnsbarns SmileSmileSmile

bridgetoc · 09/10/2017 01:02

YABU....... It's not a big deal.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 09/10/2017 01:36

I use to watch all sorts of films when I was that she I watchef the original exorcist did me no harm it wasn't even scary just funny even watched the original carrie. I use to play GTA and countless other shooter videogames me and my dad use to play them my parents where never bothered about things like that. I'm 27 and I still love GTA and horror films.

gluteustothemaximus · 09/10/2017 01:39

Blimey. I don’t let my 15 year old watch 18’s.

No. I wouldn’t trust this parents judgement.

oobedobe · 09/10/2017 02:14

We are pretty careful with what our DC watch, I think you do have to step in and guide/protect young kids, however based on my own childhood I don't see much wrong with ages 15 up watching pretty much anything (I was a big cinema fan as a teenager and would go with friends to see 18 rated movies at the cinema from around age 14/15).

GreatFuckability · 09/10/2017 02:37

He’s obviously not thinking about the impact such films would have on a 7 yr old, it’s logical he may also not be thinking about what internet/gaming access the boy has

You have zero idea what he thinks, because you dont know him. I let my 10 year old watch things i know lots of people wouldn't be happy about, I also let her watch things I don't let his 14 year old sister watch, because they are very different children, with very different tolerance levels/things they enjoy. That doesn't mean I let her have access to inappropriate content the internet. I don't, at all in fact, except for homework.
As long as the OP is clear about what she doesn't let her child watch, I see no reason why the fact he allows his child to watch it means he won't abide by that.

Trueheart1 · 09/10/2017 06:31

Was it definitely Rambo and not Son of Rambo which is a 12?

Ski4130 · 09/10/2017 08:36

I think you've made your feelings clear to the other parent, and asked that your son not be allowed to watch anything age unsuitable. You can now either trust the other parent on the sleepover, or choose not to let your son go. That's your choice as a parent, as it's the other parents choice to let his son watch a film you think is unsuitable.

My 7 year old watched the latest Pirates of the Carribean yesterday, which is a 12A, but she watched it with her Dad and I, her brothers (12 and 10) and has watched all the previous films, so we made a judgement call. We often do it, she's watched some Lord of the Rings too, we again, made a judgement call based on what we felt our child could watch. She's not scared by much, and loves things like Beetlejuice, Coraline and Indiana Jones. What I'm saying is, different children have different levels of what they find ok to watch. I probably wouldn't extend that to Rambo, but equally wouldn't be clutching my pearls at another parents choice - not unless I was very sure that my every parenting decision was beyond criticism.

Uokbing · 09/10/2017 08:39

YABU....... It's not a big deal.

How so?

Letting your 7 year old watch 18 films is at best, absolutely shitty parenting.

GreatFuckability · 09/10/2017 08:44

Letting your 7 year old watch 18 films is at best, absolutely shitty parenting

No, its your opinion its shitty parenting. that doesn't make it fact.

2 of my cousins were allowed to watch 18s from a similar age - they have both been in and out of prison for a lot of their adult lives for violent and drug related crimes. It sounds like such a cliche when written down but is absolutely true

so was I. and i'm a professional with a good job who's never taken drugs in her life and never had so much as a speeding ticket.
there is no evidence, despite lots of research that shows watching TV aimed at older people has any effect on behaviour long term.

Uokbing · 09/10/2017 08:55

No, its your opinion its shitty parenting. that doesn't make it fact.

What is the point of age ratings then? I really cannot stand all this 'oh my 7 year old is so mature they can totally handle watching content that has been made specifically for adults' bullshit.

Yes, once they are 14/15 that is a different story but not when they are 7.

What about sexually explicit content? Is that ok? The term 'sexual abuse' includes exposing children to that. But if you 'know your child' and they seem to be dealing with watching it ok, does that not count? And if that is not ok then why is strong violence ok?

Why would you even want to expose your 7 year old.to it in the first place, I don't get it?

I am a primary teacher and if someone in my year 2 or 3 class told me that they had been playing GTA or watching films and programs that were rated 18, I would be logging that right down in our record of concern files.

ethelfleda · 09/10/2017 09:00

YANBU!
And while we are on the subject, people who allow their 12 year olds to play games like call of duty are just as bad!

I remember going to a sleepover when I was 12 and the girls putting on hellraiser and similar... they really did negatively affect me for a long time afterwards! And I'm not exactly a sensitive person!

Uokbing · 09/10/2017 09:08

I don't really get why any adult would want to play a video game that involves murdering prostitutes, let alone let their young kid play it. That's fucked up.

Just my opinion though of course...

You have zero idea what he thinks, because you dont know him

Yes, which is why letting her son go for a sleepover round there probably.isnt the best idea.

drspouse · 09/10/2017 09:13

No way on earth would I let my child go for a sleepover with someone whose parent thought this was OK.

It's up to parents and carers what their children do at home
In case you hadn't noticed, some parents seem to have zero clue what's healthy or appropriate for a child.
I'd be grateful the school put this kind of thing in a newsletter - means there's an easy way to bring up the subject if sending a child for a playdate etc.

Viserion · 09/10/2017 09:13

it is an offence so supply an 18 classified film to anyone under that age.

jessikita actually, you are wrong. It is illegal for cinemas, rental places etc to supply or allow children under the age limit to watch age restricted material. What parents choose to do in their own home, is entirely up to them.

From the BBFC guidance:

It is not actually illegal for schools to show BBFC-rated videos, DVDs or Blu-rays to its pupils of any age, just as parents may also choose to show any material to children in the home. Merely showing an age-restricted film to underaged persons - or allowing them to see one outside a licensed cinema - is not in itself an offence.

Uokbing · 09/10/2017 09:25

It's up to parents and carers what their children do at home

Um, not really. Yes, to an extent but where do you draw the line.

Exposing children to inappropriate material is a safeguarding issue.

QueenUnicorn · 09/10/2017 09:45

Parents that let their children watch or play 18 rated films because it 'doesn't affect them', don't you ever stop and wonder why they're not affected? It's called desensitising.

YANBU OP, it is bad parenting.

sailorcherries · 09/10/2017 09:48

I wouldn't let a 6 yr old drive around in GTA though. Such young kids don't tend to be great at the steering and will almost certainly end up killing a lot of NPC pedestrians by running them over. I would stick to actual driving games rather than violent open world games.

There was a Simpson's game called Hit and Run, rated as a 7+ whereby you could do all of those things. What is the difference to a 6 year old?

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