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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7 year old watching an 18?! AIBU

89 replies

TheoandArchie · 08/10/2017 21:20

I may sound completely unreasonable and I know it's not my child but it's absolutely insane to me!

My younger son is 7 and is in year 3. On Friday he came bounding up to me after school asking if he could watch Rambo. Obviously, I said no because it's not exactly a children's movie...
He said that his best friend, let's call him Johnny for reference, had watched it. I presumed that Johnny had maybe just heard about it and hadn't actually watched it (because what parent allows their 7 year old to watch incredibly violent 18s?)
But Johnny came over to play today and when his dad dropped him off, I asked him about it. Johnny's dad said that he'd 'only' seen the newest one and I was absolutely shocked. Apparently Johnny's older brother, who's only around 11, had watched and their dad allowed Johnny to as well.
I then made it clear that I didn't want my son watching any movies like that, as my son is having a sleepover at Johnny's next weekend.
I'm still a little unsure about actually letting him go round for the night! He's assured me that he'd ask before letting them watch anything but it just seems like a reflection on his actual parenting in my opinion... AIBU?

OP posts:
pieceofpurplesky · 08/10/2017 22:19

I used to love a good horror movie at 13/14 and still do, a 12A is fine for any age by the way (for sale/rent it has to be 12 as they cannot guarantee parental supervision). There are so many amazing movies at a 12A that 7 year olds would love.
My DS is 14 and watches 15s now. He had played GTA with friends and finds it boring! At 7 he was watching X Men and superheroes

PrincessHairyMclary · 08/10/2017 22:21

Why not invite Johnny to yours for a sleepover instead?

Crumbs1 · 08/10/2017 22:25

I'd be concerned about the lack of judgement and prefer to have the sleepover at mine.

Original poster
TheoandArchie · 08/10/2017 22:25

Wondering about the logistics of how to maybe un-organise a sleepover the boys are so excited about Confused.
My son definitely wouldn't speak up and say he's not allowed to play/watch violent things, he's just not that style of kid

OP posts:
Original poster
TheoandArchie · 08/10/2017 22:27

They've had sleepovers at mine many, many times and when Johnny's dad finally offered to host my son and Johnny got way too excited so I just feel kind of bad about it

OP posts:
KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 08/10/2017 22:28

Depends. Ratings are a bit weird

A lot of children's movies are hideously upsetting. Animal Farm is a U.

More sensible to watch the movie first and decide for yourselves. You know your child.

AlbaAlba · 08/10/2017 22:32

I know that school safeguarding teams are interested in this sort of thing. A 6 year old at school was watching 18s, and when the class teacher heard they involved the safeguarding team, the parents were brought in etc. The child might be exposed to completely unsuitable and damaging violence and sexual material that they are not equipped to deal with and could even traumatise them.

If I heard this I wouldn't let my DC stay over at their house.

workingmamma33 · 08/10/2017 22:38

Dont do it,he wont listen and will show your kid anyway. Thats what othe people I know did who promised not to let my son play on games that were older than him or watch scary movies. Their sons were awful when he stayed over (he is 8) and very violent, probably best to rethink the friendship strategy and only allow sleepovers at yours...

abbsisspartacus · 08/10/2017 22:39

Doesn't the latest Rambo have a rape scene in it?

Original poster
TheoandArchie · 08/10/2017 22:42

ABB's haven't watched it but on IMDb it said basically said it set up for one but didn't explicitly show it...

OP posts:
Jessikita · 08/10/2017 22:44

Viserion you are incorrect actually.

I worded it for the lay person but it is an offence so supply an 18 classified film to anyone under that age.

sailorcherries · 08/10/2017 22:45

My son is 7 and has watched some 12As (Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy and Jurrasic World). A 12A means that it is up to the parents to deem whether an under 12 can watch it, whereas a 12 is deemed not suitable for under that age.

As for Grand Theft Auto, my ds played that at 6. He caught a glimpse of OH playing and wanted to drive around. He turned off the missions, sound etc and literally just let DS drive a car around.

If it was similar to the above I wouldn't worry, and as you've spoken to the dad I wouldn't worry if you think he'd respect your wishes. It depends on the dad and how he reacted to your chat: just because he thinks that is okay for his son does not mean that he will go against anothers wishes.

Emilyfarnsbarns · 08/10/2017 22:45

It’s staggers me how lax some parents are about films and gaming. You can bet this father isn’t up on internet safety either, so who knows what his sons search for online or who they talk to.
I’d switch to the sleepover being at yours, some excuse that blames you/your partner for the change.

We’ve decided a blanket ‘no sleepovers’ for our kids, solves problems like this and many others.

ZanyMobster · 08/10/2017 22:49

I think it's likely that no 18 rated film is suitable for a 7 year old, not many films are 18s so they are generally pretty bad IME.

I have an 11 & a 9 yo, they have watched lots of 12As from a fairly young age and a few 15s (tend to be old films like gremlins that wouldn't really be a 15 now) but they are only films we have watched first. There are lots of 15s (horrors and such like) that are no way suitable even for an 11/12 yo let alone a 7 year old. Most 12As are fine just may be boring for younger kids rather than awfully unsuitable.

I do think video games are different, I think people go OTT about what kids are/aren't allowed to play IMO, some 15s/18s are not much different to each other and the worst thing is the swearing which by 11/12 they should know not to repeat. We are fairly lenient however GTA is not allowed in our house and I have explained to my 11 yo why not. 90% of his friends have it but I just don't think the content is appropriate (for anyone but that's a whole other thread).

Can you not mention to them that he is not allowed to watch/play stuff. I think it would be really difficult to cancel the sleepover, surely a 7 yo can be told they have to speak up and say they aren't allowed to play/watch it and if they disobey then they won't be going again.

GreatFuckability · 08/10/2017 22:49

I let my kids watch things other would deem unsuitable. but i wouldn't allow it at a sleep over, because its not my child. I think not letting him over to sleep is totally OTT.

GreatFuckability · 08/10/2017 22:51

It’s staggers me how lax some parents are about films and gaming. You can bet this father isn’t up on internet safety either, so who knows what his sons search for online or who they talk to

And thats a weird and sweeping extrapolation.

Ploppie4 · 08/10/2017 22:51

Just remind the father that you adhere to film and game ratings and would they mind watching anything older after he’s gone

Ploppie4 · 08/10/2017 22:52

I don’t think you need to cancel the sleepover as long as you set clear boundaries

Emilyfarnsbarns · 08/10/2017 22:56

I don’t think that would help, yes all children must be taught to speak up and be very clear if they are not happy about something, but ‘if he disobeys’ just means if they go ahead and do it anyway he’ll feel the need to lie to his Mum to avoid punishment. No child should be put in that situation.

This father has let his young son watch an 18 film, I doubt very much he’s the sort of person who will politely do as another parent asks him. Quite probable they may still watch something inappropriate and it’ll be ‘nudge, wink, Mum doesn’t need to know.’

I think you’re totally right to be wary OP. Very interesting how such issues can trigger safeguarding involvement.

Emilyfarnsbarns · 08/10/2017 23:00

Great - not really. He’s obviously not thinking about the impact such films would have on a 7 yr old, it’s logical he may also not be thinking about what internet/gaming access the boy has.

Original poster
TheoandArchie · 08/10/2017 23:12

Emily that's exactly my worry. I dont know the dad all that well and my son is the kind of child who would keep quiet if he was told to...

OP posts:
OkPedro · 08/10/2017 23:23

I totally agree with not allowing a 7 year old watch an 18s movie.. but to not allow a 14 year old watch a 15s?
That is a bit ott.
I hate the idea of anyone playing GTA never mind a young child!

Emilyfarnsbarns · 08/10/2017 23:27

I really, really feel for you, such a dodgy situation, you’re totally justified in your concerns.
You don’t have to cancel, just switch it to yours.
But above all, go with your gut. X

ZanyMobster · 08/10/2017 23:28

If that's the sort of people they are then maybe I would have 2nd thoughts about sleeping over. It's hard as like most other parents I know i don't even let the kids watch 12As with friends round unless I check with the parents first so if you really believe he may be shown an 18 film whilst he's there then don't let him go. I would still expect my DCs to speak up at that age, they have done in the past and are both quite shy but know that if they are honest and I find out they will be in trouble.

Uokbing · 08/10/2017 23:28

2 of my cousins were allowed to watch 18s from a similar age - they have both been in and out of prison for a lot of their adult lives for violent and drug related crimes. It sounds like such a cliche when written down but is absolutely true. Obviously it's part of a bigger picture but I don't think watching very violent films when they were very young helped matters.