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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to go on a weekend away even though dp isn't happy about it?

73 replies

ferrier · 08/10/2017 13:50

Background - it's to do with a hobby I do quite a lot of. Dp has hobbies which also take up some time. Neither of us have done weekends away without each other.
Have dc of secondary age. They largely entertain themselves though usually need ferrying around a bit.
I've been asked to do a long weekend - Friday - Sunday. Wibu to go even though dp is not happy about it?

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 08/10/2017 15:12

Yeah of course you should go

He's being an idiot.

notquiteruralbliss · 08/10/2017 15:21

YANBU. I have teenage DCs. Over the last few months I have had 4 overnight trips with friends and a week away with a friend plus one of my DCs. All were to do things DH has no interest in, so he stayed home. He would be deeply unimpressed if he had to come with me!!!

Loopytiles · 08/10/2017 15:23

Men who can’t parent and do basic domestics like cooking sufficiently well to be alone with their DC for a weekend are dicks.

Loopytiles · 08/10/2017 15:24

YWBU for not having time away before now.

Original poster

ferrier · 08/10/2017 15:25

I've always done all the cooking but it doesn't usually matter as he does other stuff like cleaning etc.

He does have a very traditional mum.

Dc could cook. They do sometimes do their own stuff and somewhat more advanced than beans on toast.

I'm pretty independent up until now - maybe because he wants to do his thing and wouldn't be unfair. I do think if it was a girls weekend away he wouldn't be so grumpy. I don't know why though.

I'm definitely going - he's not vetoing it! I'm really excited despite him trying to make me feel bad about it. Just want to be comfortable that INBU so I can enjoy it with no guilt.

OP posts:

Auburn2001 · 08/10/2017 15:30

Every single post has said YANBU - enjoy your weekend, OP! Just because his mum is very traditional doesn’t mean that you have to be a carbon copy. And your DCs will feed him while you are away!

Pearly70 · 08/10/2017 15:36

Glad you hear you're definitely going. Don't let worrying about them at home ruin your trip. I guarantee when you get home everything will be fine and they'll appreciate you even more!
HAVE A GREAT TIME

elQuintoConyo · 08/10/2017 15:39

I went away last weekend Fri-Mon and left DH with 6yo and dog. He waved me off with a smile and a request for a suitcase full of cheese on my return (went to France). I took DS abroad a couple of months ago for a week.

It is give and take. If i had to wait another 8/10 years for a weekend away i'd go flipping spare!

StaySexyDontGetMurdered · 08/10/2017 15:42

YANBU.
Please do it, don't let grumpy bollocks put you off.

Lweji · 08/10/2017 15:45

I am a sahm

You definitely need the time away from home. And he needs to get more comfortable being with the children on his own.

It's good for all of you.

AdalindSchade · 08/10/2017 15:46

He’s being really controlling. He has no right to make you feel bad for having a weekend away.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/10/2017 15:47

Would he do it, even if you were not happy about it, if he had the chance?
If he would, then so should you.

lalaloopyhead · 08/10/2017 15:48

Gordon Bennet! Of course YANBU to go away for the weekend. He can't cope with normal weekend activity on his own? I don't want to sound mean but it is mind boggling, especially as they are clearly not young children.

Last weekend away I did was with a friend for a gig in a city only an hours drive from where I live - but I thought what the hell and made a two nighter out of it where we started and finished the weekend in the prosecco bar in the train station!

BoomBoomBoomBoooom · 08/10/2017 15:49

You haven't had a weekend away from your partner in over a decade?! Judging time from the age of the secondary school child.

Thats is really sad. YABU to even consider not going! Go and have some fun lady.

Lovemusic33 · 08/10/2017 15:52

Go and enjoy yourself, I if you have 'too much fun' then do it again. Your dc's are old enough to help dh cook, they can almost look after themselves at that age, not as though your dh has to be up in the night with them is it?

Your dh is just being a twat, maybe he's scared that you will find a bit of freedom.

viques · 08/10/2017 15:54

Unles your hobby is pole dancing and the weekend away is a work experience I can't see the problem. As others have said if you dh wanted a weekend away with his hobby he wouldn't be posting on a forum for shall I go advice.

SquareWord · 08/10/2017 15:56

Glad you're going OP. Please make this the first of regular weekends away. I would make a point of doing it regularly so he gets used to it. You don't need permission from him!

pringlecat · 08/10/2017 16:05

Presumably you'd do the same for him? So if he wanted to go away for a long weekend with his mates, you'd also spend a weekend doing all the ferrying?

Important for you both to get time with each other, with the whole family and your own space. As long as both of you are getting a broadly similar balance, YANBU.

Nikephorus · 08/10/2017 16:12

If he's not keen because of having to cook that's one thing & he can cope, if he's bothered because there are men there & he's jealous that's totally different (and isn't controlling, just insecure). Two different approaches required and only one requires you to steer him towards the kitchen or the takeaway menus with a firm hand.

Therealslimshady1 · 08/10/2017 20:52

It is problematic for your relationship if he does not want you to have fun without him...

Meanspirited of him

Original poster

ferrier · 09/10/2017 00:33

I would do the same for him but he says he doesn't want to go away. Would he go if I didn't want him to is therefore hard to answer but there have been other things in the past where he has done what he wanted even though I wasn't happy about it.

@Nikephorus What approach should I take for a jealous/insecure man?

Thank you everyone for your overwhelming ianbu. I will have a guilt free weekend

OP posts:

MsPavlichenko · 09/10/2017 01:57

Jealous and insecure are simply manifestations of control.

Not saying this is your DH. But , regardless, the best response to all possibilities is the one you have decided upon. Go away. Come back. If your DH is all you want and expect he'll be happy for you, and happy if you want to do it again/or if he wants similar time himself.

Roussette · 09/10/2017 08:01

I would do the same for him but he says he doesn't want to go away

Well... he would say that wouldn't he...

You need to be of the mindset 'just because you don't want to go away doesn't mean I don't want to. Your choice not to go away. I've made mine'.
Because it is controlling him saying that. He should be saying 'nah, nowhere I really want to go but what I do want is for you to go off and have a fantastic time doing your hobby. Don't worry about anything back here, just looking forward to hearing about your weekend when you're home'.

Instead of 'I don't want to go away and you shouldn't either'.

Believe me OP it is quite normal to want some time away from the home, millions of us do it all with the blessing of our OH's. My DP drives me to airports, picks me up, puts up with me having to go to bed when I go home because I'm knackered etc etc. And I do the same for him because I want him to have fun away from me, as well as with me.

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