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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to go on a weekend away even though dp isn't happy about it?

73 replies

ferrier · 08/10/2017 13:50

Background - it's to do with a hobby I do quite a lot of. Dp has hobbies which also take up some time. Neither of us have done weekends away without each other.
Have dc of secondary age. They largely entertain themselves though usually need ferrying around a bit.
I've been asked to do a long weekend - Friday - Sunday. Wibu to go even though dp is not happy about it?

OP posts:

strongasmeringue · 08/10/2017 14:28

Because of how he's acting you 100% have to go on this weekend.

Original poster

ferrier · 08/10/2017 14:28

look menacingly at your wedding ring as you do so

lol - I like it!

OP posts:

Roussette · 08/10/2017 14:29

I can't believe that it's 2017 actually and you are having to ask your DHs permission to go away for a weekend. Yes of course politness dictates that you make sure it fits into your DH and DCs lives but good god... he doesn't want to cook or drive and doesn't want you having a good time. Pathetic

Mean spirited totally

Goosegrass · 08/10/2017 14:31

He can't boil pasta? Open a jar of pesto? Bake a potato? Put fish fingers under a grill? Boil an egg? Open a bag of salad? Chop a cucumber? Open a tin of beans? Order a pizza? Put bread in a toaster? Come on. He doesn't see it as his job. It's yours.

puglife15 · 08/10/2017 14:31

Did you work before you had kids? Who did the cooking then? How did he eat before he met you?

I've never heard such a pathetic bunch of excuses.

I actually think you are YABU for even entertaining the fact you might BU!

HirplesWithHaggis · 08/10/2017 14:33

I joined a new club/took up a new interest when ds2 was a baby. It involved (non-compulsory) four weekends a year, hundreds of miles away. DH was happy for me to do this, and I actually think the time spent being "me" instead of "mum" saved our marriage.

CiderwithBuda · 08/10/2017 14:35

Go! I'm going away with my sisters for a long weekend at the end of the month. I'm then back for a week before got Australia for three weeks to visit friends. Which I've done for th last three years.

DH is an adult. He can get DS to school and back again. He can do washing and ironing and cooking and shopping. You know - like an actual functional member of the household.

WatchingFromTheWings · 08/10/2017 14:35

Just tell him you’re going, and go. He can manage for a weekend!

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 08/10/2017 14:35

I'm wondering what I'm doing wrong then as my DH and pre-teen boys were dead excited about a weekend just with dad when I last went away

Roussette · 08/10/2017 14:37

Totally agree Hirples. My breaks with girlfriends saved my sanity. I went away far far more than my DH and not once did he ever complain because he's a kind generous man who wants me to be happy.

p.s. I do lots of nice things for him too.

eddielizzard · 08/10/2017 14:39

you must go. they will appreciate you so much more when you're back.

Auburn2001 · 08/10/2017 14:39

Does your DH have parents who are very traditional, e.g. his mum would never entertain going away for the weekend on her own? It isn’t fair to expect you to be the same in this day and age.

HotelEuphoria · 08/10/2017 14:42

You should absolutely go. He is not your keeper.

ArcheryAnnie · 08/10/2017 14:42

Has to sort meals etc (though I'd be happy to leave them stuff or for them to get takeaway).

This is amazing that he has teenagers and is baulking at feeding them by himself for a weekend. What has he been doing for the last decade or so? (And for goodness sake, go on the weekend away, and DO NOT leave them stuff or suggest a takeaway.)

SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn · 08/10/2017 14:42

Be breezy and talk about it as a done deal. Teens can pitch in with meals; emphasise the fun bonding time they'll have. Go and you'll return refreshed and cheery, stay and they'll have a resentful grump. Grab your bag and don't hesitate - have a fab time!

grannytomine · 08/10/2017 14:44

Of course you are not being unreasonable. A weekend without you isn't going to do any great harm to anyone.

No man would ever think 'am I being unreasonable by having a hobby weekend with my mates!' I don't agree, I know a man who would and his partner wouldn't be happy at all.

Roussette · 08/10/2017 14:47

This is all so alien to me.

I can't imagine what it's like to be in a marriage where you're strapped to each others hip. Next thing it'll be matching jumpers

To my mind, it is good to have some independence away from your DH. It keeps the marriage healthy and gives us something to talk about

PuppyMonkey · 08/10/2017 14:47

Whenever anyone on MN talks mysteriously about going away on trips to do "hobbies", I like to imagine they mean a Star Trek convention.

Tell him just as he's not too happy with you going, you'd be not too happy with you not going. I presume there is a chip shop somewhere close by. Domino's? McDonald's?

And you can reassure him that at no time will you enjoy yourself while away.

WildRosesGrow · 08/10/2017 14:50

It's true that he is going to have do all the running round for that weekend, however I don't think this is unreasonable, once in a while.

My husband usually does his fair share of running our children to their activities, and when he is occasionally away for a few days with work, I do feel a bit like a taxi. It just makes me appreciate him more when he is here though!

My kids are also both more than capable of cooking a meal (11 and 15), so could you get them to join in with meal planning. They can each cook a meal and maybe get a takeaway one night for a treat. Alternatively point them in the direction of the freezer section at the supermarket - plenty of pizza, pies, sausages etc that are no trouble.

bigbluebus · 08/10/2017 14:55

Sorry but your DP is being unreasonable.
I was a SAHM/Carer to 2 DC's. One had Profound disabilities and needed 24/7 carer in addition to being epileptic, the other had an ASD although at the mild end of the spectrum but could be a handful as a small child. DH worked full time but shared the care when he was at home. I have had many weekends away with friends (not with men but that isn't really the issue here, is it?.........) and DH has also had weekends away with his mates. We both managed on our own with the 2 DCs - and the workload was a lot more than your DP will be left with.
Go on your trip. I can't believe your DC have got to Secondary school age and you've never been away without your DP. Which century are you living in?

mygorgeousmilo · 08/10/2017 14:59

I don't get his problem, and I also don't get how you've both reached the stage of having teenage kids without ever having done weekends away. If it was a financial issue then fair enough, but I even do things like stay at a friend's who lives a couple of hours away, rather than get the train back on the same day. I feel like I've been at a spa by the time I get home! Then there's the ACTUAL spas, trips to festivals, short breaks, birthday trips etc etc etc. My husband is the same, although gets more headspace than me in general, so seems to crave it less. He still goes off though, hobbies, family visits, staying at a friends rather than driving. That being said, I think both of us would go nuts if we did what some people's DPs have done, which is going out and just not coming back until the next afternoon. It's all cool if it's pre-planned.

Butterymuffin · 08/10/2017 15:01

While it's not great that he can't cook, surely if your kids are teenagers they can fend for themselves? Between the lot of them I'd hope someone would be capable of opening a tin of beans and making some toast.

He's not being reasonable in expecting you never to go away so that he doesn't have to do a whole weekend's worth of giving lifts and organising food. That's pretty pathetic. And the dislike of you enjoying yourself without him is one to push right back on.

Eeeeek2 · 08/10/2017 15:03

They will survive on sandwiches/takeaway for a weekend.

Plus secondary school age children should also be able to make a basic meal too.

Tell dh that if he can read he can manage to cook a basic meal. It's called google and follow instructions.

Purhaps you could do all the ferrying around the weekend before so he has a weekend free for himself

VioletCharlotte · 08/10/2017 15:09

What is it exactly that he's not happy about?

If it's because it's expensive and you can't afford it then that's fair enough.

Otherwise, of course you should go! We all need time out from the family to do our own thing occasionally, it's healthy.

Pearly70 · 08/10/2017 15:12

My hubby used to be the same when I started weekending away with my girl friends, partly I think the responsibility scared him a bit, but now I do it once a year, he's ok with it now and I think he likes the responsibly and feels quite chuffed with himself for "coping so well!!" ... Also its so good to get away for a few days and have a few days off from "Muuuum, where's this, Muuum can I do this, Muuum can I have that" etc DO IT, recharge your batteries and everyone benefits.

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