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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask ex for a contribution?

61 replies

bespawler · 08/10/2017 12:48

Backstory: I have DS with ex and am expecting our second child. We separated early on in this pregnancy. He refused to talk to me about contact with DS and chose to go through the family court who granted him with what I offered anyway, so he completely wasted a few thousand pounds. He has said that he wants contact with this baby but obviously that wasn't decided through court as it isn't born yet.

He pays the minimum maintenance each month for DS but hasn't contributed anything towards things for this baby and hasn't mentioned doing so when it is born.

Would it be unreasonable to email him all of the receipts I have for things bought for this baby and ask him to contribute something towards it?

OP posts:
NoCryLilSoftSoft · 08/10/2017 21:21

Didn't it state in the court order where contact was to take place? He can't seriously expect to drag a newborn round a zoo or bowling alley!

Original poster
bespawler · 08/10/2017 21:21

ShowMePotatoSalad - Thanks. I'm not sure how things will pan out. Maybe this baby being born will encourage him to make some changes. Optimistic smile... Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
bespawler · 08/10/2017 21:24

NoCryLilSoftSoft - No, apparently he can spend his time however he wishes. But that order is only for DS, it won't apply to this baby because he applied for it before it has been born

OP posts:
Original poster
bespawler · 08/10/2017 21:28

NeedsAsockamnesty - With not replying to my messages and not even trying mediation, the judge wasn't particularly impressed with him!

OP posts:
NoCryLilSoftSoft · 08/10/2017 21:31

When he asks about having the baby I would insist on knowing where contact will take place. If he goes to court have it stipulated in the order. Newborns cant be trailed all over the place in ten winter. How far is his parents' house from you?

notgivingin789 · 08/10/2017 21:38

OP.... prior to your breaking up. Did you guys live together as in...do you both own the property your currently staying at ? Since he has no fix address...how would you feel him seeing the baby in your home ? What happens if he gets settled and wants the share of your house ( I don't know how these share owners work ). I think going to court may be a good idea and may protect you ......

I do not want to burst your bubble. But a guy who hasn't seen his son in 10 weeks because you guys have broken up...says A LOT. There are some guys that as soon as they break off with the mother of their kids...they begin to start losing interest in their kids and slowly move on and forget the kids all together. I hope your situation doesn't turn out like this but it's good to be protected.

Original poster
bespawler · 08/10/2017 21:41

NoCryLilSoftSoft - About an hours drive? I might be being naive but I do think we'll resolve the contact issues when he's thawed a bit more and actually starts talking to me properly, it's just dealing with it in the meantime that's crap.

OP posts:
Original poster
bespawler · 08/10/2017 21:51

We've ended up really off topic here Grin This tubby pregnant lady is off to bed!

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 08/10/2017 21:57

I think if I'd wanted my ex to contribute 50% towards items for the baby , I'd have talked to him before I bought them - and agreed a budget.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 08/10/2017 22:00

You know what I would just email him with the receipts and tell him he owes half. What's the worst that can happen? He pays nothing? You say you can afford to pay for them without him so you aren't losing anything if he doesn't pay. At least this way you have proof you asked, proof of the costs, and proof of his response if he says he won't pay anything. That won't look good for him in court.

NeverTwerkNaked · 08/10/2017 22:06

op you have my total sympathy! I think it’s lovely that no one believes that he was stupid enough to refuse to communicate with you and spent thousands on court instead but I had exactly the same from my ex. Time and again. He preferred to spend money he didn’t have on barristers rather than reply to my email. In a bid to put an end to the court cases I once offered him way more than half the holidays (about 70%) and he still took me to court. The judge pretty much through him out of the room when my barrister explained the % split.

On the baby stuff though- there’s no harm asking but I wouldn’t get your hopes up. The default position is each parent provides stuff for the child at their own home, even though this means 2x everything (a judge explained this to my ex because I faced constant abuse for not providing things like suitcases for holiday, milk bottles for the toddler etc)

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