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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh away for step ds birthday - is he B U?

68 replies

Doubtfuldaphne · 08/10/2017 08:46

Just wondering if this is such a big deal or not. Dh's sister has bought him and her tickets to see a band they love and go to watch live quite often. (Well, a few times a year)
SIL didn't check with dh if the date was ok, just booked them.
It turns out it's my ds's birthday that day. It is a weeknight and if it wasn't for the tickets, dh would work until 8.30pm anyway.
It's not a momentous age ds will be reaching. Dh thinks it will be fine and said we'll celebrate at the weekend. I pointed out he wouldn't go if it was his biological child's birthday.
I'm not sure who's being unreasonable here.

OP posts:
eggsandwich · 08/10/2017 09:17

Just out of interest

When your Dh talks to your son about going away on his birthday and are you ok with it, what if you ds says we’ll actually I’m really upset you would rather go and listen to a band than be with me, what would your Dh response be?

londonrach · 08/10/2017 09:18

Your comment was abit strange as if ds was his biological son he still should go as the tickets paid for. Sounds like youve got problems with ds not being his. As for ds celebrate in the morning and the weekend. If dp was working till 8 he miss the birthday anyway. Yabu.

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 08/10/2017 09:18

Well yes it's not the first time things have been organised and then at the last minute we're told the plans and there's no question over whether it suits us or not. I think ds knows that too. I'm pretty sure SIL knew it was ds's birthday that day which annoys me. Did she just assume no one would mind?
Dh didn't even realise the date until we looked it up last night what date the band were on. He obviously felt bad about it last night when he realised but didn't see it as a big deal.

OP posts:
ptumbi · 08/10/2017 09:20

He's 17! And you are worried that he will be upset about his stepfather not being there on his birthday?

Shock

Did you bring him up to be such a delicate flower?

2014newme · 08/10/2017 09:20

He's 17! 😂😂😂😂

tippz · 08/10/2017 09:21

Meh, I think if your DH was at work anyway til 8.30pm, I wouldn't get too wound up about it.

You can celebrate the next day or the weekend yes?

His sister really should have checked the date though.

Thirtyrock39 · 08/10/2017 09:22

My husbands missed our dds last two birthdays! Bit annoying but not mega bothered kids birthdays often spill out over a few days anyway so he was there for her birthday party (not on actual birthday) and took her out the Saturday before for a day of treats so she ended up getting 3 days of birthday related activities

tippz · 08/10/2017 09:23

Yeah he is 17, but it's his 18th birthday. A milestone. The OP has a right to be a BIT peeved, but as I said, the DH was at work til 8.30pm that night originally anyway.

And they can celebrate the next day, (or THAT day as the concert is at night.)

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 08/10/2017 09:23

I think dh wouldn't go if ds said he'd be upset about it but I know ds would say it's fine regardless. SIL wouldn't have booked the tickets on a birthday of dh's biological child. I know it would be different. I don't like how I feel we're not as important to her. She sometimes takes just dh away for nice breaks away and I often feel excluded. now I feel ds is being excluded too. So it's more about the underlying issues but I'm trying to put them behind me now. After all I have dh all the time, it's fine if she wants to spend time with him occasionally. And we are all going away together before the birthday anyway. (Me SIL and dh)

OP posts:
Aunti · 08/10/2017 09:24

17!?! YABU, Sorry!

JigglyTuff · 08/10/2017 09:24

It's midweek, your son is 17 and your DH would be at work anyway (given you've said he's had to cancel the evening shift).

This is nothing to do with your son feeling upset and is everything to do with you projecting a dislike of your SIL

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 08/10/2017 09:24

Your H is there for a birthday breakfast anf the weekend party and your son is 17. Its really not worth worrying about.

Re the Sil booking stuff, it's actually really odd to book things without checking firstly with the person youre booking for. Get your H to ask her not to do it in future until she's checked with him.

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 08/10/2017 09:25

No, it'll be ds's 17th birthday!

OP posts:
SussexBonfireViking · 08/10/2017 09:25

he's 17 - does he even really care?

for what its worth, i missed my DS's 12th birthday as had a chance to go away for a weekend - he was fine (mainly as he knew i would be coming back with LOADS of sweets, but,.....)

Lagerthaisfabulous · 08/10/2017 09:26

Yabu. He is 17 and probably doesnt care.

He is celebrating at the weekend.

This is about your sil. If you have an issue with her yabu to twist this to make your dh feel bad. Really saying 'you wouldnt do it if he was yours', was designed to make him feel bad.

When its actually sil you are annoyed with.

casio123 · 08/10/2017 09:26

I think you need your head read in the nicest possible way. You’re being U!

eurochick · 08/10/2017 09:28

I can't imagine a 17 year old being bothered. It sounds like this is more about your feelings vis a vis your SIL than anything else.

ilovegin112 · 08/10/2017 09:29

So he’s going out with his mates at the weekend and your sides of the family are taking him out when your dh is away, are they taking him out on his birthday night if so what’s the problem

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 08/10/2017 09:29

17?! I thought we were talking about a 6 year old. YABU, he's almost an adult, or course he'll understand. Especially as you're celebrating at the weekend

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 08/10/2017 09:30

In that case I'm going to drop it now and stop being annoyed about this. It's fine. Thanks all!

OP posts:
YellowMakesMeSmile · 08/10/2017 09:39

So his sister who is blood related can't do anything with her brother once he gets married? Is he not allowed to spend time with his family?

Your son is at an age where birthday nights are spent with friends so it's no big deal. If it was a special birthday and there was a party etc it might be different.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 08/10/2017 09:43

Yellow Hmm where the heck has the OP said any of that?

She just wants the SIL to check first with her H, before booking stuff. It's not an outrageous request.

NewDaddie · 08/10/2017 09:51

I think dropping it is for the best OP. SIL probably is a cow but if you rise to it and BU you'll end up being the bad guy and hurting your relationships.

Orangetoffee · 08/10/2017 09:53

The DH didn't check the date until last night so he is the one accepting the invitation without thinking. He could say no or that he needed to check first.

As for DS, if he wants his SD home he has to say so and hopefully DH will put him first.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/10/2017 10:03

He’s 17, he probably wouldn’t even notice 😂😂

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