Do you have a 'one that got away'?

[Darknessinthevalley]

My DH is incredible, and I wouldn't change my life with him for anything.
However, when we met, there was sort of a crossroads, between him and another man, and I chose my husband. I've never regretted this. But, I do often think about that other man, and what my life would've been, and I feel like that's unreasonable towards my husband.
So, am I being unreasonable to think in this way? Does anyone else have a one that got away?

I don't have regrets but the bf I had before my DH I was madly in love with and he broke my heart (drugs addiction). Lots of what ifs but I don't regret anything as I now have a very happy life.

Also, before I got with my DH I was seeing a man who was ten years older than me, he made it clear he was after marriage and kids.. I was 21 and run a mile. Now I'm 30, married with kids, he's 40 and still single 😂

Sort of. Had a short but passionate fling with him that ended because of me moving away, then lost contact. Contact was made again 10 years later and whilst I was really excited and hopeful, it became clear pretty quickly that things that had happened to him in the previous 10 years meant it just wasn't going to happen. We flirted between trying to meet up and texting for about another 2/3 years but eventually that fizzled out. When I met DH I knew that THIS was what I'd wanted all along, not the one that got away. So actually I got my one, and I hope the other man is happy now.

Sometimes I worry that DH views his last GF as the one that got away. That's just my own silly insecurities though and I do my best to not let them take hold. We're married with 2 DS - so he's stuck with us now regardless right?! 😜😜

I had one, and while we were apart I couldn’t get him out of my head, nothing could measure up to what I had with him. Eventually our paths crossed again and we’re now happily married, although ‘real life’ has knocked him off his pedestal a little.

I think I am someone else’s one that got away though. He’s an ex from 20 years ago, not got the greatest track record with relationships. Seems to pop up more regularly when things aren’t quite right for him. He’s harmless, he knows that I’m not interested in ever going back there.

Yes. years ago I shared an office with a couple of guys. It became obvious that one of them and I were attracted to each other but because of the office situation, did nothing about it. Then he one day said this is ridiculous, let's go out and see how it goes - so day arrives, we have an amazing time, really clicking. At the end of evening he suggested I go to his place to call a cab (pre-mobile days). Whilst on phone he left the room, only to reappear at the doorway, stark naked except for his socks and triumphantly shouted TA DA!! I snorted and then burst out laughing - he looked ridiculous - I obviously wounded his ego and taxi took me home. He never spoke to me again, I got a new job.

There's someone I often think about despite being hopelessly in love with DP.

It was in between my and ex (T) had a split, I met (W - the one that I let go rather than got away). T was an emotionally abusive, lying, secretive arse really. Long history (accidental pregnancy, forced termination .. just general awfulness). Led me on, lied to me, made me feel like a psycho. W had not long gotten out of a long term relationship (he proposed and she said no and left him) used to call women snakes with tits, I used to call me snakes with balls so we kind of hit it off. Amazing sex, real connection, never once made me feel like a psycho but never thought it was anything more than a comfort thing. Anyway T wormed his way back in. I broke it off with W (he understood, he knew how I felt about T) but I always regretted it. 6 months later me and T called it a day for good as I realised he was the issue and I deserved better. Still think about W even now. He was so lovely, we lost contact for a bit as I moved cities to go back to university and whenever I went home I would see him and he'd ignore me. I finally got it out of him that he really liked me and it hurt but he wanted me to be happy. Gutted, I knew I made the wrong choice. BUT... it led me to current DP who I adore more than anything and wouldn't change for the world! Still, I can imagine what would happen. It's fun to daydream.

No but I believe I am thatvto many men 😂

Yes, from years ago. He is quite well known in his field, so his name has popped up occasionally over the years in magazines and online, so I am reminded and I get a little nostalgic glow. Like me, he is happily married and I wish him well.

No once we've broken up that's it and consigned to the past to move forward. I have been told by two exs that I'm the one that got away.

From years and years ago when we were at university. He pursued me and I fell for him. When we finished university, he went to America. He didn't know how long for, so I didn't wait for him. He literally did get away, far away. I often think of him and wonder if he stayed or came back or went elsewhere.

It would have been a very different life.

Yes. Years ago I had a friend with benefits. The sex was incredible, he was my best friend and great fun to be around. I ended things when I discovered he'd slept with my housemate and realised I was massively in love with him (although I never told him that). I met my now xh shortly after and moved away. About 6 years ago I bumped into a mutual friend on a night out who told me how much my friend had been in love with me and how long it had taken him to get over losing me. I often wonder how different things might have been if we had been honest about our feelings.

Yes. Met too young really. I've always thought of him as the love of my life. I know now there's more to it but given I'm not happily married it hurts. I hate myself for my weakness that if ever I was free I'd call him.

No, I wish all of them had gone away a lot sooner.

Yes.

I'll never love anyone how I loved him. Even though I know he probably never really felt the same about me. And it never would have worked we brought out the worst in eachother.

There's another I sometimes wonder "what if"

We never really got serious and a new phone meant I lost his number anyway and there was no face book then.

Yes, when I was free he was in a committed relationship
And vice Versa. Have remained good friends. If anything happened to our other halves I'm sure we would give it a go but neither of us would rock the boat of what we have

Yes

When I first met DP, I was casually seeing someone already. He was a good guy - had a great job, own house, was very 'sorted' and calm. He was also great fun, interesting and good looking. Yet I never saw him again after meeting my DP..... the guy I had been seeing was ideal for me on paper but it was feelings I went with. DP gave me the feeling !!

A decade later I very occasionally think of the other guy in passing. I know he got married a year after I stopped seeing him (he was a friend of a friend's exDP) and I hope he is happy.

I have another ex from when I was early 20's, who I think of very fondly as well. Again I know vaguely how he is through people who know people who know him. He was in poor health a while back but thankfully doing well now.

There was a guy I knew whilst living overseas that I dated a couple of times and really liked him. A real attraction. Sadly he died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. This was back in 2001. I’ve moved on obviously now, but sometimes I do wonder what might have been

Not so much of a 'one that got away' but a 'what if'.
I had a long distance (intercontinental) friendship with a guy a few years before I met DH. I travelled out to see him for a holiday while we were both single but for some reason I didn't get together with him. In fact I did this twice and the second time even introduced him to a friend with the view of them getting together.
I have no idea why I did this as there was always something between us and he was a really great person.
He sort of distanced himself from me and we lost touch. I'm not surprised, he must've thought I was an idiot to keep stringing him along.
I often think of him but I love DH and my life now so I can't regret my choices even if they baffle me.

DH is all manner of perfect. My soulmate. However.

Many years ago (I was 19, I'm 45 now) I had a friend who I adored. He was going out with a friend of mine, they broke up but we remained close. I was (secretly) very much in love with him the whole time, but moved cities and tbh would never have told him anyway for fear of rejection. He came to visit me often in my new city and we talked on the phone daily. We also wrote each other long letters and he used to draw and paint pictures for me (I still have all his letters and art).

A few months after I left my home town I met the waster man who would become my first husband. I wasn't in a good way at the time and sort of latched on to him - with hindsight I wasn't in love with him at all. He was a very odd fish but he liked me, I was lonely and depressed, and had made my peace with the fact that the man I really loved was never going to be mine.

I asked my friend if he would give me away, as I had no male relatives and I wanted him to be a part of my day. He agreed, and we made arrangements - he bought a new suit, booked the train and so on. He was due to arrive the day before the wedding and I was to meet him at the station.

Well, the train he was due in on arrived and he wasn't on it. This was way before mobiles so I couldn't just text him or anything. I phoned his house but there was no answer. I waited for a couple of hours in case he was delayed but he never turned up. Eventually I had to go home and get on with getting ready for the next day.

I carried on calling and eventually his sister answered. She said he'd left the house that morning and 'gone off somewhere' because he couldn't watch me marry someone else but couldn't face telling me. I'll never forget her saying 'His suit is hanging on the back of the door, I can see it from here'. He was in love with me and was heartbroken.

I went through the wedding in a daze. We split up six months later after he'd been unfaithful for the third time since the wedding.

I never heard from my friend again. I heard he moved to Scotland from a mutual friend, but I've never been able to track him down. I hope he's happy, but I'll never not wonder what might have happened if we'd just been honest with each other. So much heartache.

That said, everything happens for a reason and DH is the love of my life. Doesn't stop you wondering though, does it

Yes.... I broke his heart

Yeah I do. I'm probably his as well. But it was wrong place, wrong time etc.

Yes. We dated from 17-19 a friendship that grew into something else. When we split it broke my heart.

I still think about him lots 26 years later. Nobody else ever came close to that original overpoweing love even though he was a dick near the end

He's married to an American cheerleader called Missy. That just about sums it up

Yes, I do.
We're both married now and I think we married the right people. We didn't work in an actual relationship for all sorts of reasons and my H is a much better man.

And yet. Oh my God the chemistry. I did love him, and he me.

I had to move away in the end, we spent 3 miserable years not quite being able to let the other one go.

I still think about him. Sometimes once a month, sometimes most days.

I wish I'd never met him in many ways. Life would be much easier without an unrealistic comparison.

There is one guy who will always have a special place in my heart. I was in a bad way when we was together (not because of him) so it could never have worked. On reflection I think 'what if' and wonder what he's doing now. But I'm such a different person now that if our paths ever did cross again, i wouldnt even think twice.

Plus I'm married with a child now and incredibly happy, I wouldn't change anything for the world. I've changed so much over the years so don't think about things like that often

Yes. The guy I dated before marrying my DH (who's wonderful and I wouldn't change for the world). This guy had started talking about marriage, he lived in the US and had started the application process for my visa etc, we were looking at wedding venues... then he abruptly broke it off. I really loved him, and we had this incredible chemistry, so I was devastated.
He did come back later and ask if I'd give it another go, but by that time I'd just started dating my now DH. Faced with that decision, I chose my DH and I'm glad I did. I'd have had a totally different life with that guy. It would have been a nice enough life, but it wouldn't have been this life of being truly known and loved. I do wonder about him sometimes, and it still hurts when I think about how abruptly he broke things off with no explanation, but I don't regret my choice for a moment.