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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pre drinking bottle ettiquite

85 replies

KissesAX · 07/10/2017 21:51

This might not be the usual for a lot of people as I know some will say 'what's a night out'? Grin
But I'm relatively young (early 20s) so want some opinions.

What do you think the ettiquite is when taking a bottle to someone's house to drink for pre drinks?

I took a big litre bottle of vodka to a friends I regularly go to to pre drink before we went out. Brand new bottle. She's had other people round since and they've drank it. So next time I go round id have to ignorantly ask for my bottle to drink or buy another to take.

In mine, if someone brings a bottle of spirits to pre drink, I leave it for them until next time. I wouldn't drink it on them.

What do you all think the ettiquite is about bottles of spirits people bring to pre drink and leave at your house because they can't be taken the club. And I'm not talking about an unfinished bottle or wine brought to share on a night in.

OP posts:
crazycatgal · 08/10/2017 12:48

@ChicRock It's grown up to use people's things without asking? Alright then.

WomblingThree · 08/10/2017 12:48

Because as I explained, “drinks” signifies some sort of invitation and responsibility on the part of the inviter to provide aforesaid drinks. Pre-drinks is just going to someone’s house and drinking your own booze.

Can you imagine the AIBU: “My friend invited a group of us round for drinks. When we got there, she had a bottle of wine for herself and nothing else. AIBU to be horrified that someone would invite people to their house and not lay on drinks and nibbles for everyone”. The replies would go an for pages calling her a stingy bitch and a selfish cunt and god knows what else. People would be “fumming” and advise cutting her out of your life.

Calling it pre-drinks saves all sorts of misunderstandings 😉.

Pengggwn · 08/10/2017 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FiveShelties · 08/10/2017 12:50

How do you know it has been drunk, have you already asked for it back?

ChicRock · 08/10/2017 12:56

crazycatgal she wasn't "using her things", she's consumed a bottle of alcohol that was left at her home weeks ago.

Do you have an alcohol cupboard full of half bottles of wine and spirits, neatly labelled with the name of the friend that brought it round?

Yes it all sounds very "student life", most people move on from that when they leave uni.

Shoxfordian · 08/10/2017 12:57

If you take drinks to someone's house for them and you to drink that evening then you leave the leftover drink there with them. You shouldn't expect it back. Yabu.

sinceyouask · 08/10/2017 13:00

If I leave alcohol at your house you're welcome to it unless I've specifically asked you to keep it in your house but not drink it or allow others to. And I wouldn't ask that because if I want to keep it I'd take it home.

category12 · 08/10/2017 13:07

If you go for pre-drinks at someone's house, you take your preferred drink, share it if anyone wants some and expect to have a share of whatever else has been brought. Whoever hosts gets left with the cleaning up and the left-over booze. If you want to keep it, stick it in a bag to collect the next day. If it's left out, it becomes the host's.

lozzylizzy · 08/10/2017 13:09

My friend and I alternate going to each other's houses every couple of months or so with our families and stay over. We have a takeaway and a few drinks, we stay on the sofa beds and the kids bunk in together its nice - if we do take things like spirits around and vice versa, we share but obviously having the children in bed we don't drink the whole bottle between us.

If they leave a couple of beers or half opened wine behind we will consume, if they bring a bottle of spirits or a full bottle of wine/numerous beers if they brought a box around I assume they have forgotten it and return it/save it until I next see them.

Berthatydfil · 08/10/2017 13:11

If there is no expectation with your friendship circle of “hosting” and everyone brings their own drinks then I would do either the next time you go there for pre drinks

  • say I’m not bringing anything tonight as I left most/half/whatever of a bottle of vodka at yours last time so I’ll finish that off. Cue her going errr umm it’s all gone as I had x and y over and we/they drunk it.
-just bring enough for your self ie decant it into a soft drink bottle, or buy half bottles or the premixed cans and say nothing
Thesmallthings · 08/10/2017 13:13

What's left is the host unless you take with you.

But I wouldn't expect you to bring vodka the next time. We usually go quids in for drink too

brasty · 08/10/2017 13:14

We used to have a drinks fridge, where friends left drinks to drink next time they came. It only worked with friends who brought things no one else drank, because although it was only a small group of friends, I couldn't keep track of whose was whose.

user1492958275 · 08/10/2017 13:20

It depends. A friend came round with 70cl of malibu, but I just opened my 1L bottle. So it was never gonna be worth while pouring from 2 opened bottles.

By the end of the occasion it was empty.

She left the 70cl bottle here (she had drank over half the litre)

So I wouldn't of carted her off home with her bottle after drinking so much of mine!

And eventually the 70cl was drunk.

BUT

Next time she comes (she only comes 2/3 times a year) I will replace a 70cl bottle so she doesn't know I drank it.

Odds and ends, who knows! I never take alcohol with me when I leave a party though, and tbh it kind of bugs me when other people do.

Used to have one guy who would bring a crate of beer round to a bbq, then say he drank 8, would get a carrier bag and take remaining ones home with him.

But I say it's in for all really, if you make a contribution to a party/pre drinks, and it's a group thing, ie you had someones tequila, they had a large vodka. I guess you can't expect to take it back after?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 08/10/2017 13:24

I swear people have forgotten what it was like to be young & on a limited income.

In the specific situation you describe, and especially given you used to 'keep hers' for her, I think if it has been drunk you've not unreasonable to be annoyed.

Next time stick a name label on it & ask her to put it away for you. Or just take what you'll drink in future.

Bubblebubblepop · 08/10/2017 13:24

Agree with everyone else but I am sad they didn't have pre drinks in my day. Sounds brilliant

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 08/10/2017 13:25

If I had a pre-drink now I'd probably just want to put my pyjamas on and go to bed afterwards

Same I'd want a nice nap and a box set and critical we ps for recovery.

I'm only 32 weeps

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 08/10/2017 13:26

And crisps and tea* not critical Hmm

MyLittleDragon · 08/10/2017 13:27

Take pre-mixed drinks in cans next time. Or your own pre-mixed vodka drink in the bottle, that works out cheaper than individual cans.

AngryGinger · 08/10/2017 13:31

If I take something to someone's house then I don't expect to take it back.

starzig · 08/10/2017 13:31

I take what I expect to get drunk. Any left is 'lost'. Take a smaller bottle or premix cans

AngryGinger · 08/10/2017 13:31

But then I wouldn't take a full bottle for that exact reason ( and because I'm cheap!)

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 08/10/2017 13:32

What wobbling said.

chasingdaisy2 · 08/10/2017 13:33

I understand where you are coming from OP. I used to/still sometimes do this. And I agree if it was a bottle of wine or something yes you leave it there and don't expect the dregs back. But with a full bottle of vodka/gin etc then I'd expect to be able to have a few more drinks out of it the following week. And vice versa.. I wouldn't drink myself nor would I let any other friends drink someone else's bottle they left at my house. I think others don't see it from our POV as they are more likely to have a girls get together on a rare occasion and then therefore I see if you bring a bottle to share our then you would leave it. But seeing as you go out regularly then yes I would expect it to be left for myself and the other friend it was originally intended for.

boredofmyoldname · 08/10/2017 13:35

I'm 30 and common as dog shit in an Asda bag.

I still don't say "pre-drinks", my friends and I aren't formal enough to use that term. No "hosting", no "pre-drinking" just having a few at a mates house or having mates round for a drink before heading out!

Ecureuil · 08/10/2017 13:39

I would leave it and not expect it back, but I’d assume that next time we had ‘pre drinks’ at mine, the same friend would bring a bottle with her and leave whatever hadnt been drank at my house.

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