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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really appreciate my DH after all the horror stories here?

91 replies

MamaOfTwos · 07/10/2017 17:23

Not a TAAT but inspired by all the women who's husbands/partners are selfish arseholes. I was reading several threads this afternoon and told my DH just how much I appreciate him. We share all household and baby responsibilities and he's respectful and thoughtful. I don't want to sound like I'm boasting, but I'm genuinely feeling incredibly lucky to have met such a wonderful man. So this is raising a glass to all the wonderful men out there who are brilliant partners and fathersHalo

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 07/10/2017 22:47

Lovely thread.

This is exactly why I tell people to LTB - because if you're not coupled up with your best friend and looking down towards old age with someone you actually like, and have fun and laugh with, then what's the bloody point?!

londonista · 07/10/2017 22:53

I find it hard to comment on other people’s marriages generally but i did have some strong words for the one about not taking that job. Grow a bloody backbone!

It just made me feel so glad and lucky, to be honest, even though that is the very least you should expect from you partner and best friend!

bookbook · 07/10/2017 22:58

I am incredibly lucky too. Married for over 40 years. Grumpy old man , ( well, not always Grin ) but as solid as a rock, would do anything I asked , we laugh together and he's my best friend

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/10/2017 23:04

I'll probably be roasted alive for this, but I pray an abused partner doesn't open this thread. She/He'll think they're married to the only twat in the world.
Oh and No my dp isn't perfect. He's got his faults. He's humanHmm

londonista · 07/10/2017 23:12

MN is chock full of people bitching about badly behaved spouses. Can’t we have just one where we’re feeling thankful, instead of ripping the shit out of them?

FineAsWeAre · 07/10/2017 23:20

Yanbu. I really appreciate mine too. He's not perfect but neither am I. He works his arse off then comes home, cooks tea and cleans so that I have time to study.

MistressDeeCee · 07/10/2017 23:23

I still don't get the "incredibly lucky". Men are not Gods! They are human. No way am I telling any man I am lucky to have him, eff that. I love OH to the bone we are good together, always. Is this meant to be a "not like those other men" kind of thing? As I don't think abusive men are the majority actually.

Bet there are some women reading this thread feeling like shit

Its nice to have a "happy relationships" thread. Lots of us are in one. But Im not feeling the "lucky" thing its beyond smug, and sounds like man-worship. Saying you're in a happy relationship sounds far nicer and realistic

Mrskeats · 07/10/2017 23:24

I think this too every time I’m on here.
Saying that though my first husband was a nightmare so maybe I deserved a bit of luck finding a great one this time.

Coastalcommand · 07/10/2017 23:32

Couldn't agree more OP.

ShiftyMcGifty · 07/10/2017 23:36

Incredibly lucky usually encompasses that rare luck when you actually manage to meet someone you click with emotionally and mentally.

And, even rarer you're physically attracted to each other.

And rarer still, you're both available to date and live in close enough proximity to each other.

It doesn't happen often. Hence, incredibly lucky.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 07/10/2017 23:40

Some of the stories on Mumsnet terrify me. You only get one life and choosing the wrong partner can have a devastating effect. I'm constantly schooling my girls to beware of red flags.

My DD(22) has just finished with a sweet kind gorgeous boy because after two years she realized he was a lazy fucker who smoked too much weed, drank too much and gambled too much. Fun for a while but not good long term material. She's very sad but I imagine she would be sadder if she ended up married to him.

Neverknowing · 07/10/2017 23:41

Yes I agree!
My DP is perfect for me, we have such similar interests and agree on everything. The last time we 'argued' was way before our DD was born. He does 50/50 of all the childcare and housework and is the biggest feminist I know.
I love a thread like this Smile sometimes I get stuck on mumsnet and think all men are bad !

TheOtherGirl · 07/10/2017 23:42

I think I'm pretty lucky to have DH and he tells me he feels lucky to have me. I wouldn't say it was any form of worship just a straightforward appreciation of what you have surely?

PaperdollCartoon · 07/10/2017 23:45

I'm not 'lucky' to have a wonderful DP, it wasn't chance, I chose him. But he is kind, wonderful and supportive, and I'm glad to get the odd chance to rave about him. So much is about how crap and useful men are, and really most of them aren't. For some reason it almost comes across as inappropriate or goady to say your partner isn't utterly useless.

I've had the worst PMT all day and he's got me chocolate, wine and cheese, and watched a rom com with me.
Sometimes mumsnet makes me so sad but it makes me More thankful for him. He's another who turns around and asks what I've been reading on Mumsnet when I get a bit gushy... or quiz him on whether he's do x or y awful thing.

PaperdollCartoon · 07/10/2017 23:45

How crap and useless* obviously

paintingmary · 08/10/2017 09:02

Do any of these wonderful men have equally lovely, single brothers? Not asking for a friend.

Debpool · 08/10/2017 10:07

Men are not Gods! They are human. No way am I telling any man I am lucky to have him, eff that.

No woman chooses to be abused. It is luck. There for the grace of God.

No woman enters a relationship with a man thinking 'He's a right cunt, runs me down and will eventually destroy my self esteem to the point I have no control over my life, but you know, he's okay'. It happens gradually, over a period of years, like being boiled alive.

I'm lucky that wasn't me. Doesn't mean I'm worshipping him for not abusing me.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 08/10/2017 10:20

Luck is involved! And I say that as someone whose been with dh for 28 years.

We both say how lucky we are to each other. We have seen so many marriages breakdown, for various reasons and I do feel lucky that we still love each other to bits, want to be with each other, and that we can both put up with each others' irritating traits/behaviours.

JoJoSM2 · 08/10/2017 10:45

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TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/10/2017 12:23

My sister was married to a controlling bastard who emotionally and physically abused her. She was 19 when she married him and had known him for about 6 months. He came from a notoriously violent family. A week before the wedding he beat up one of her male friends for dancing with her.

I am quite a bit older and was living 200 miles away at the time. I met him twice before the wedding and he seemed okay. I feel very guilty that I didn't protect her (I knew she hadn't known him long but not the other stuff). Being with him for 20 year has impacted massively on her and her children's lives. Being careful who you choose to spend your life with is so important, probably the most important choice you make.

Dowser · 08/10/2017 13:29

I thought I was happy with first husband. .
Then I married second husband and the difference is amazing.
I'm really happy.
It's really solid. We laugh and love together. Have loads of disagreements a day that just don't matter.
I'm my own person. The one I was meant to be.
It's good.

TheOtherGirl · 08/10/2017 16:53

Painting yes he does, and infact my BIL is a definite upgrade because he comes with some impressive cooking software.

But he is married. Sorry x

Columbine1 · 12/10/2017 09:48

FWIW I think it is luck to a significant degree - its taken me till my 50s to find a good DP...

But Londonista Sugarloaf isn't so bad - you do need to get fitter! :) Though admit that climbing Damian(?) nearby I didn't even set off with a rucksack - DP carried everything (including stuff I wouldn't have bothered taking!)

londonista · 12/10/2017 21:48

Hahaha! Yes agreed! I was very hungover, in my defence. And we climbed the shorter steep flank not the longer gentler slope!

He loves me even though I’m a massive woos ... definitely a keeper!

geekone · 12/10/2017 22:03

My DH is always telling me how lucky I am to have him 😂.
He's not perfect but he treats house work and parenthood as his responsibility not only mine which I am eternally grateful for. We aren't lucky we just work at being an actual partnership Grin

Oh and after 20 years he's still hotBlush

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