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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I could stay up til 1am playing video games

50 replies

TenForward82 · 07/10/2017 10:46

... then saunter out of bed at 8.30am and decide to spend the morning doing DIY even though my wife has been looking after a poorly toddler all week and needs time to do her work, and then also shame my wife for having the TV on even though it's the only thing that keeps our toddler quiet for a while?

Asking for a friend.

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 07/10/2017 10:47

If I was said wife I’d promptly fuck off out, leaving a list of chores that need to be done and tell him to call when they’re all done. What is it with overgrown manchild husbands on here?

user21 · 07/10/2017 10:49

So why does she you tolerate it?

QuiteLikely5 · 07/10/2017 10:49

Asking here is no use how about you go and TELL your pathetic excuse of a father and husband that he needs to step up and stop leaving you to act like a full time baby and house keeper

Men only act this way because they are enabled. Fact

QuiteLikely5 · 07/10/2017 10:49

Nanny not baby

MagicFajita · 07/10/2017 10:49

Oh dear , work on those boundaries now op! Be the person that doesn't allow anyone to treat them this way. That person doesn't end up with a twat like this.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Original poster
TenForward82 · 07/10/2017 10:55

We're in therapy. He's improved a lot, but obviously sees my job (self-employed) as pretty irrelevant. I've been speaking my mind and he just gets butthurt and I get gaslit, so I'm at the point where I think nothing will change and I need to leave. But I can't yet. All we do is make each other feel bad.

OP posts:
wowbutter · 07/10/2017 10:56

Why can't you park up what you need for work and go out and do it and then come back?

IdaJones · 07/10/2017 10:56

Can you work on a laptop at the library?

Original poster
TenForward82 · 07/10/2017 10:57

Because the aggro I'd get isn't worth it. And my DD would be sad.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 07/10/2017 10:57

If it's that bad, there's not much to lose by speaking out. Go and tell him to finish what he's doing by 11.30 as you will be bringing the toddler out to him then so you can get your work done.

QuiteLikely5 · 07/10/2017 10:57

If you can't leave yet. Make a plan to co habit.

Tell him he can be responsible for the kids at certain times. Then go away from the house or room.

When you separate he will need to look after his kids so tell him he needs to get some practise in quickly!

bottlesandcans · 07/10/2017 10:58

FYI butt hurt is an offensive term.

Are either of you grown ups? Don't allow it.

Gertrudesings · 07/10/2017 10:59

I've got the same thing except he's still in bed and I was up taking a teenager to DofE at 6am.

I can't say a word though as they are not his DC's. Sat here quietly upset but can't really do anything about it.

FeelingAggrieved · 07/10/2017 11:24

@bottlesandcans - to who and why? (Genuinely curious)

I'd also go out for the day.

Original poster
TenForward82 · 07/10/2017 11:26

ODFOD @Bottles, like I have patience for the terminally offended right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
TenForward82 · 07/10/2017 11:28

He's popped back from DIY to ensure I turn the TV off and play with DD, while he rested. I'm in despair right now. No-one to talk to.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 07/10/2017 11:30

Shockwho the f*ck does he think he is checking up on you and telling you to play with DD?

bottlesandcans · 07/10/2017 11:32

butthurt is widely considered is a homophobic and transphobic term.

Would rather be terminally offended by that OP than have a DH who checks up on my parenting while he rests. Have a good day with that one while I DFOD.

Original poster
TenForward82 · 07/10/2017 11:33

Oh, he's not telling me. He's subtlety disapproving of my parenting choices. I have TV on a lot and she ignores him when it's on and he doesn't like that. That's more about how she feels about him than the TV though.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 07/10/2017 11:36

He sounds utterly vile op

Bottles I’ve never even heard that term before. Let alone that it’s offensive

Original poster
TenForward82 · 07/10/2017 11:36

@bottles, load of bollocks and not helpful to my situation. Can't stand posters who come on just to harp about vaguely offensive terms and feel morally superior. Then mock a poster's situation. So again: DFO.

OP posts:
niynunwiwi · 07/10/2017 11:38

I wish that too

PressPaws · 07/10/2017 11:38

I'd turn the volume up. What an arse.

Butterymuffin · 07/10/2017 11:39

bottles why is it transphobic?

Getting back to the OP, go and take the toddler to him and tell him rest time is over as you have work to do so he's on parenting duty now.

MumsOnCrack · 07/10/2017 11:40

Can you take DD to soft play and do some work whilst she’s playing? Or ask someone else to look after her? I think you need to try and take some control away from him.