To think it's rude to ask a stranger what their parents jobs are?

[Terfing]

I've had this a few times and it has always wound me up. I'm a phd student, so work in academic circles. At two conferences recently, I have been asked this by strangers! And it is always by people whose parents have "high-up" jobs.

AIBU to think that you shouldn't judge one on their dad's job?

I get that if you were building a friendship, then this would naturally come up; but asking a stranger? No!

By the way, I am in no way embarrassed about my dad and what he does for a living! He was a retail store manager, a decent profession by all means!

BTW, fuck the Daily Mail! (To stop them lifting this thread!)

Existential

It is thoigh, if someone asks you what you or somebody close to you does for a living, they are basically saying "standby - I'm just about to do some big fat judging on your ass"

You don't know that.

ButchyRestingFace the best bit was that he didn't actually understand why people thought it was funny he had an ego the size of a planet.

Someone said on mumsnet that people put what their parents do on their CV in Germany

Yes they do. It's so that when they see some nice gap year or a cookery course in Paris they can see whether mummy and daddy paid for it or whether you had to get off your bottom and work your way round the world or whatever.

I suspect that people stop doing it when they get to a certain age, but I can kind of understand the logic when people are coming out of school or university.

If you think they are asking so you ask back and they get to boast, make sure you don't ask back to annoy them.

You're right, I don't. It's quite likely though!

What do you do?
"Funeral director"

• makes excuses and leaves.

It absolutely is an attempt to place you.

I've been there. I remember being asked where I was from by the rather posh dad of a rather posh girl on my course on graduation day. It was almost like he was surprised to find people with working class roots graduating alongside his offspring.

Give them a bright smile and say 'no nepotism didn't get me here today, how about you?'

Completely agree OP - I've been asked this twice now, both times by very middle class, slightly snobby, male bosses. And both times I thought it's because they were try to place me and suss me out. And both times it was working for firms who are notoriously 'snobby' where a very high percentage of staff come from private schools and wealthy backgrounds. I came from neither. I hated it, and it made me feel that because my parents both work in manual, 'working class' jobs, that I somehow wasn't worthy to work in these firms, even though I'm degree educated and very capable at my job!

It's definitely coming from a desire to 'place' where you are on their personal class scale. I used to show prospective parents around my (private) school and the obviously snobby ones always asked what my parents did. My DM had to put down her fathers profession on her oxford uni application, she felt that her father being a train driver damaged her chances.

YANBU

Make things up. Say "My Mother was a charwoman and my Father was King of the Gypsies"

Or "My old man's a dustman and my Ma's a high court judge"

I come from a family of teachers. A lot of my friends do as well. My parents were teachers as is one DS. Sometimes if someone says they are a teacher I will ask if their parents were as well. It's just making conversation.

@pigsDOfly I've been asked that in a job interview too, for a legal publishing company. "Your father, what does he do?". He followed up by asking if my mother was a good mother. I had no idea what he was getting at and it rather flustered me. My dad's a working class boy who went to a grammar and then on to university, first in the family to do so. Obviously I didn't seem posh enough!

I think it's odd and can't imagine asking it in the context you have given.
It shows the asker's locus of attention!

Yes I hate this. Definitely not relevant and is a way to place you in a class/financial background.

Reminds me of when we were learning about different 'tier' jobs at school and had to write down which our parents fell into. My parents don't have degrees and I felt very judged about this.

He was a teacher, don't know where that put him on the 'acceptability' scale!

If that's the only reason timey wouldn't it be better to state how they funded the gap year on the CV. It seems a bit of an indirect way of finding that out. They could be rich but have refused to fund a gap year

Yeah, it's all about which class category they can slot you into.

My parents were always asked this at interviews (back in the 60/70’s), apparently it was the done thing back then! There was even a box for it on standard forms.

Oh yes, unless is someone is asking from genuine interest this is almost always trying to check if you're good enough.

If it's meeting new people I don't really mind - if someone doesn't want to be friends because my Dad's a plumber then I don't really want to know them either. In a work context though it's awful and I'm astounded it still carries on.

I have literally never been asked this unless I happened to mention my parent being busy at their work I guess I am so obviously unclassy that no-one needs to confirm it

It's incredibly rude imo.

This reminds me of the "future joiners" event I went to before I started work at a law firm, where a pair of the (male) future joiners asked me what school I went to. It was obvious they were looking for a public school answer and tbh it just made them look like the total knobs they clearly were. I took delight in looking perplexed and telling them I'd been to my local comp and they'd never have heard of it. Never spoke to them again after that!

IME a focus on what people do is a very British thing and it is about placing you in a class. I also find that some people shoehorn where they went to university into the conversation very early on, depending on where they went. In Ireland the tendency is more to ask about who your family is, with the aim of seeing if you're somehow related or know them in some way (and believe me, there is a high likelihood that they are/do).
People in the UK struggle to place me because my accent is Irish and my background is quite mixed. I think that makes some people uncomfortable - they like to know what category you fit in to and if you don't fit it bothers them.

LaContessa I think I'm like you now you mention it!

When I first worked in the UK I asked a colleague what his father did because it came up naturally in conversation (he had mentioned a funny story about being in someone's house). He got quite defensive and seemed annoyed at having to say what it was (an electrician). It took me a long time to understand why that was - we were working in a very elitist environment and he knew that some people would look at him differently because of his father's job. To me, it was just an innocent question and a normal part of the conversation. I didn't realise how loaded it was.