To ask if you felt you couldn't love two children

[ItsTrueIsntIt]

Sorry if this is too vague...

I have 1 Dc who is 3 (there would be at least 4.5 year age gap!!) and we are thinking of number 2 and I’m in two minds about having a second as I cant think how I could love a second the same as my dc!

My grandma had 2 and favoured the eldest and my mum had 2 and favoured the youngest and I do not want to make any child feel like they’re second best!

I don’t know how to do it!

Please someone tell me if they really strongly felt like this and if it was ok when second came along!

Twin mum here and absolutely your love doubles! I love mine equally although there are different things I love about each of them :)

I have the same gap here of 4.5 years. My DP was the one who was worried he wouldn't love two children, but then again his mum has a favourite & it's not him. But it's the best. I love both my boys so much. They are very different in so many ways, but my heart melts when they are so lovely to each other & playing together.

If anything, because DP is not his mums favourite he subconsciously makes sure they both feel loved equally. Love being a family of 4. Now to encourage him that his love will stretch to 3.....

I'm one of 5 & we all feel loved the same.

I have been exactly where you are op, I knew that I loved my pfb with every inch, every single piece of my heart and I honestly had no idea how I would make space for loving another child. My Mum smiled and reassurance me that I would be fine. However when my daughter was born, I realised that as she had grown inside me, my heart had too, then when she was born I knew that just like her big brother, I loved her with every inch, every piece of my heart. Because like her brother, she is my heart.

I don't think having favourites is actually the norm: you were unlucky to grow up in a family where it happened twice, but that doesn't mean you have to repeat the pattern.

I was one of 4 and I absolutely believe my mother when she says her favourite is whichever one she happens to be thinking of at that moment.

*Weird isn't it....ALL parents totally swear down that they definitely don't have favourites. Yet many people who grew up with siblings can tell you that their own parents definitely did.

Where is the reality? Do children misperceive the dynamics of their family or is it so taboo for parents to admit that they find one of their children easier to love that they never admit it, even to themselves?*

I think the reality is that the world is a big place. Some parents have favourites, some don't. Some children with siblings feel their parents have favourites, others (like me) don't. Threads on MN tend to be self-selecting: people like me don't pile onto the stately homes threads to inform the world that actually, their parents had plenty of love to go around.

As the old grannies used to say, 'They bring their own love with them.'

I think quite a few people feel the same as you - a friend of mine did - but in the vast majority of cases, including hers, they wonder afterwards why on earth they gave it even a moment's thought.

My mum always says my dad worried about having anymore after my eldest sister because he was scared he couldn't spread love evenly and provide.

He ended up with 6 of us and as far as I'm aware we all felt loved!

I imagine most people worry about this.

We love ours all the same amount but differently. Each is unique and there certainly is always enough love to go around unless you're having a child in very difficult circumstances.
Ours tell us it was clear who the favourite was - and then all give different names and reasons.

I felt the same and thought I could never love another child as much as I loved DS1 especially with his touch and go start and we were lucky he survived.

DS2 came along 4 years later - the very second he was born I wish I hadn't spent so long worrying! As PP said - your love doubles not halves.
Best thing ever - do it!

When I had my second child I was surprised to find that my love became collective. I just love both of them together. That's not to say that I don't see or value them as individuals but I can't really divide my feelings for them.

It’s the miracle of ever expanding love. I have 3 dcs now but I remember panicking throughout my 2nd pregnancy that I could never love another child I way I loved dc1. I knew nothing!! 😂

Op, I felt like this and while I was pregnant I worried endlessly that is have a favourite.
Turns out that love is a rare miracle in life and I am actually capable of loving two children - each with all my heart! Honestly, sometimes I used to cry about it. I'm totally and utterly head over heels for dd (10 months) and my heart could burst for ds (almost 7)! Interestingly I felt no 'rush of love' when ds was born but did with dd. Love is a weird and magical thing.

I didn't feel like this! I'm surprised by all the people saying "everyone feels like this"

because I never.

I wanted another baby and that was that...