Who is being unreasonable here me or my dad?

[Joannearob2345]

Just moved into new property and the budget is tight for carpets.
I need living room,bedroom and hall/stairs done for around £700.
My plan is to measure rooms and go to the carpet store and look for offcuts.
My dad said "no you go in and ask for the cheapest carpet they do"
I said no I want to check out the offcuts first and maybe use a cheap carpet for the stairs but nicer offcuts for living /bedroom.
Then my dad starts swearing "you think you know it all,you never listen " in a loud voice.
I want new counter tops and he says
"You don't need them,waste of time,"
Then once again shouting that I'm ignorant and never listen,know it all etc .
How is that the case? I'm listening but I have a different idea..
If I don't agree with him he calls me every name under the sun
Aibu by not going in and asking for cheapest carpet?

For God's sake, don't take your father's measurements to the store; I can't even imagine how much he would blame you if he had got them wrong . The carpet people will come out and measure for you.

Cheap carpet is awful. My entire house was carpeted in plastic when I moved in, and I'm going to have a party when I finally get rid of the last piece in a few months.

The stairs get a lot of wear, because you step in the exact same place each time. If you're going to use a cheap / thin carpet somewhere, the staircase is not the best place for this.

It's your house. If you're paying, go and choose yourself without asking/telling your dad.

Your dad probably only wants to help so you don't make a mistake, but he's not going about this in a fair way.

We got top quality underlay on the Internet as it was much cheaper to buy that way and then have the carpet fitters fit it. Get the best underlay you can afford as this makes even thin carpets feel more luxurious. You also won't need to replace it if you upgrade your carpets in a few years. Even the man in the shop said he couldn't beat the price offered online. Check your floorboards too, if you haven't. We found they were decent downstairs and only needed a scrub and a mop.

Aside from the carpet, don't let your dad ruin the excitement of moving in and decorating a new place. Shop about with a friend instead.

Well if you are calling yourself " useless" one of 2 things is happening
Your Dad has convinced you you are useless
You are still in the parent in charge relationship with your Dad
Stop thinking you are useless and take the opportunity of your new home to be in charge of your life - unless you want your Dad to pay for the carpets they are none of his business

Fuck off dad!!!

It's your house. It's your carpet. It's your decision! Your dad doesn't sound very supportive.

Swearing at you and name-calling over carpet seems very OTT.

Make your own decisions and don't tell your dad about them, OP. You'lll do fine.

I'm sure you're not useless. it's not hard to measure. Has your dad told you you're useless? You're not.

You are an adult, and furnishing your own home.

He is being a weirdly controlling, and unpleasant individual.

Tell him to mind his own business.

Are you by any chance 'rubbish' at things like measuring because you've grown up with a parent who puts you down and treats your opinion as shit with every opportunity?

Stop talking to this man who has nothing to do with what YOU decide for YOUR house.

Stop asking him to help you because it comes with too high a cost.

If you catch yourself thinking 'I'm shit at...' a. Have a go at it and b. Ask someone who isn't your bullying dad if they'll check it/tell you how to improve it.

Why are you having these conversations with him?

Laser measuring gadgets are great- they aren't too expensive, they do the job in seconds and you don't have anyone muttering in your ear about how you don't know what you are doing.

I don't think you give yourself enough credit.

Btw, some companies offer a measuring and fitting service if you buy certain carpets from them.
My tip would be do a basic room layout drawing. Measure from one end of the room to the other (you'll probably need a long measuring tape for that, don't use one from a sewing box, invest in one from a hardware store).
Then measure from the wall to the other wall to get the width of the room.
Decide whether you're going to measure in feet and inches or metres and centimetres and stick to it.
Write down the measurements on the drawing.
If you have a fireplace in the room and it comes into the room (as in it juts out a bit) take a measurement from the wall to the hearth as well and include that in the drawing.
Measure the depth of the stairs (front of the step to the back)
Measure the height of the steps
Count how many stairs you have and include that on the piece of paper.
If your staircase is straight up then those are the only measurements you will need. If there is a step that looks like a wedge of pie, then you should measure that separately and include that in the list of measurements.
Bedrooms are usually square or rectangular in shape so that is pretty standard.

Don't forget, for the high traffic areas (hall, stairs and landing) you may be better off with a hard wearing carpet. In the bedroom, perhaps something softer under foot. You can always throw a floor rug over the living room floor for the time being. Pick up something cheap in Ikea maybe?

Of course you can measure assuming you have eyes and hands! Are you used to your Dad putting you down and making you think you can't do things?

Nod and smile. Then do what you want. I do that when my parents get a bit pushy. I don't want an argument but if I am paying out of my money I'll do whatever I choose.

This. With people like that there's no point in arguing and life is so much easier when you just let them think you're listening to them. I agree with other posters, he does sound controlling and abusive (no one gets to call you useless, FFS!) but you can sort this out on your own and just... don't tell them.

I have a good relationship with my parents but certain things just aren't worth the hassle. I just don't tell them. So much easier. So the conversation goes:

"I want a new carpet, I'm popping to the shop!"
"Here's what you ought to do .... blah blah stupid blah arguing with whatever you suggested for the sake of it"
"That's an interesting idea, thanks, I'll think about that."

Also useful: "Ooh, I'll write that down." "Oh do you think?" "That's an idea."

Just start disengaging from him.

Your dad has some serious fucking issues!

YANBU at all. It's your house, your money, your rules. I paid £50 for a carpet roll end, it would have cost around £300 for the same carpet off the roll. That's without underlay. I ordered my underlay from a flooring warehouse on ebay.

I used to work for a small independent carpet company. Offcuts are made up nonsense most of the time, especially in quantities large enough to carpet a whole room. Just tell them your budget and ask to see the best carpet they can supply.

My dad is like this too. Have what you want, it's your money and your house. My local carpet fitter does a free measuring service because they had so many people going in giving wrong measurements.

I try to exclude my dad from things until I've already sorted it. Like I've just had my living room redecorated. I bought everything, booked the workmen to do it all and then let him make his shitty comments after it was all done. Too late to argue about it that way

It's your property. It's up to you!
Fwiw if given the choice between a cheap bedroom carpet be cheap stairs carpet I'd go for the cheap bedroom carpet and spend more on the stairs as they cost more to fit on stairs so in the long run is better to have a better quality (if you can) up there. We got the cheapest carpet possible in the playroom on the basis it would get ruined quickly and it is oretty dire and not lasting well. On a well trafficked area like the stairs I think it would have faired even worse.

The problem with your plan for the stairs is:
a) stair carpet is many meters long. Usually what companies do is measure the hall/stairs/landing, which are long narrow strips and the offcuts so to speak are used in the bedrooms. Otherwise you will have joins on the stairs.
b) you would be best to buy decent quality carpet on your stairs and less good quality in the bedroom, not the other way round as these wear well.

What your father is trying to advise you sounds most sensible. The way he is doing it is not productive.

You can often find measurements online as part of the details included when house was sold. That would get you started. The fitters will also come and double check your measurements. Show your dad you can look after yourself! If you keep leaning on him for tasks you can actually do he will continue treating you like you are incapable.

Don't involve him on the details of for life.
Tell him because he is so rude and disrespectful to you, you want less contact with him.
I have a very two dimensional relationship with my mum because she doesn't do adulting very well, you could do something similar.
If you live with him, or he somehow holds the purse strings, you are going to have to pick him up on it each time he does it, and keep repeating the rules.
You are an adult now and he ( and maybe you? - and I mean that gently-) needs to act accordingly.
And on a practical note, you only need rough measurements at this stage, as the carpet fitters will do all that.

Just a quick point to the posters sneering at the idea that someone can be rubbish at measuring because it's oh so simple.

I have dyscalculia. I am effectively number blind. I read them wrong, write them wrong and do not understand what they mean. I can't measure and I can't make purchases based on measurements without significant assistance, which usually comes from my dad, too. Just FYI.

As you were.