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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU- friend prefer babies to my toddler

43 replies

mrsrafwag24 · 04/10/2017 14:46

My friend (Friend 1) has had a baby girl. My other very close friend (Friend 2) and her are friends for the sake of our group as opposed to being actual friends (expressed by Friend 2 several times)

Friend 2 was supposed to come and see my 2yo and I. She went for a visit to Friend 1 and ended up going for lunch then shopping etc, so the meeting time was pushed back and back until my DH got home from work, so had to say too late to come over as was DHs birthday. Friend 2 was a little miffed but she was 2 hours late and apologised. My 2yo remembering everything at the moment, kept asking for 'Friend 2' but had to explain we would see her another time.
Turns out Friend 1 having issues at home so Friend 2 felt obliged to stay with her all day. That I understand, glad someone was there for her to talk to.

Now I'm having girls over to plan a hen Friday, and Friend 2 wasn't coming as she had plans... when Friend 1 said she was coming, and would be bringing the baby, Friend 2 announces she would get out of it so she could come and see the baby.

It's at my house, so obviously my 2yo will be there, yet that wasn't good enough for her in the first place? Bearing in mind she babysits for me when I need it, and my 2yo adores her?

Before anyone suggest I am jealous, please understand, that I'm not at all, I'm just annoyed on behalf of my 2yo?
I always make a fuss of the bigger kids in a room than babies as they're the ones that notice, then gush over baby after.

AIBU?

OP posts:

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 04/10/2017 15:12

YABU, I know you think your 2 year old is adorable but there's no rule saying your friends have to like her. Most people love babies, not everyone likes toddlers (for good reason - whiny, tantrummy, attention-seeking little creatures!).

DancesWithOtters · 04/10/2017 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nikephorus · 04/10/2017 15:18

Babies are (often but not always) quite cute to look at. It's like puppies & kittens - you may not be an animal lover generally but seeing a kitten looking cute cheers you up. Toddlers on the other hand aren't (generally) cute. They move around, demand attention & stop you having a conversation. Your 2 year old will not remember this occasion later in life - there will be no mental trauma, no need for counselling. Life will go on. YABU.

Santawontbelong · 04/10/2017 15:19

Maybe she expected your dd to be in bed for the planning meeting? Maybe she wants to have a close relationship with the baby like she does with your dd.
Oh and make sure friend knows the baby isn't on the invite to hen do!!

OlennasWimple · 04/10/2017 15:19

There is no issue here at all, other than ones of your making.

Lionroar · 04/10/2017 15:23

YABU, I have a toddler whom I obviously adore but can totally understand why you wouldn't want to be around them, they are generally a lot harder work than a baby, who you can just hold and coo at.

She babysits for you as has a close relationship with your daughter, let her build the same with your friends.

PinkHeart5914 · 04/10/2017 15:32

Yabu . I love tiny little babies 😍 Toddlers however I can take or leave tbh.

Also your friend babysits for you so obviously has a nice relationship with your toddler so why are you annoyed on behalf of a 2 year old?

I think your seriously over thinking this

expatinscotland · 04/10/2017 15:39

YABU. But gah, I feel her! I really don't like toddlers at all. I found it a trying stage with my three and avoid toddlers whenever possible. I find them anything but adorable.

danTDM · 04/10/2017 15:41

Other peoples toddlers are a nightmare YABU

ravenclawchick · 04/10/2017 16:01

Appreciate all the answers and good to get outside perspectives. Thanks MNetters

KurriKurri · 04/10/2017 16:07

I'm in the minority - I much prefer toddlers and above - babies don't do anything, obviously I found my own fascinating, but other peoples - no they are a collection of noises and smells

Mulch · 04/10/2017 16:30

I didn't even like children at all until recently. Fond of mine still not fussed about others. Dogs and cats are another story though

HoHoHoHo · 04/10/2017 16:41

I much prefer toddlers to babies as I find babies boring. However, I wouldn't be so rude as to make it obvious to my friends with babies that I find their offspring dull and if I had told a friend with a baby I was busy I wouldn't change that because I found out a toddler I like was going. I think your friend was a bit rude.

Ttbb · 04/10/2017 16:43

But babies are the best! (I say this having two toddlers).

ravenclawchick · 04/10/2017 16:49

HoHoHoHo I think that's what's bugging me the most. The obvious-ness of it all. 🤔

SandyDenny · 04/10/2017 16:53

Sounds like you're making something out of nothing, I wouldn't take it personally.

Have you name changed, are you ravenclawchick as well?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 04/10/2017 16:56

NC fail?

SarahH12 · 04/10/2017 17:01

NC fail?

But YADBU. I love seeing babies. Toddlers I'd rather avoid where possible though.

And it doesn't sound like your friend is avoiding your toddler given that she has a close relationship with her, just that she either has a preference for babies or is trying to build a relationship with the baby similar to the relationship she has with your DD

Dustbunny1900 · 04/10/2017 17:10

Sounds like it's nothing personal, she just has baby fever. There are baby people just like dog people,or cat people. My sister gushes and fusses over any baby, whereas my mother finds them boring and interacts much more with my kids as they get older.
Most people aren't crazy about other ppls kids , just like I'm not all that interested in my friends dogs...but if they bring a puppy in, it's just too cute to resist for that short time.
It's rude to be so tactless but she just likes babies for their cuteness.

HeebieJeebies456 · 04/10/2017 17:15

Remind her it's a get-together to plan the hen - and as you know she isn't interested you would rather she not turn up.
She can arrange baby-gaga sessions on her own time elsewhere

DawsonsShitCreek · 04/10/2017 17:15

I would actively try and get out of anything where a toddler or child will be present. Babies I can cope with.

paxillin · 04/10/2017 17:20

I prefer babies as well as school age kids and teenagers over toddlers. It's not personal. I can have a conversation with kids 5+ and babies are cute. Toddlers have lots of opinions and no sense to go with them. Dreadful phase, this included my own.

ALittleMop · 04/10/2017 17:22

I think you are taking offence for no good reason

She'd like to see the baby - that in no way diminishes your LO who she obviously cares about.

I think you've got the huff because your previous meet up went wrong (yep irritating) and because seemingly Friends 1 and 2 are getting on better directly when you'd usually been the jam in the sandwich. As above, them becoming friendlier in no way diminishes your friendship.

expatinscotland · 04/10/2017 17:24

I agree, Dawson. Uggh, toddlers. Nothing cute about them.

LagunaBubbles · 04/10/2017 17:24

I dont like other peoples toddlers so I dont think theres anything wrong in what your friend said.

Secondly why did you change your name after starting a thread? I dont get why people do this a it makes it impossible for all the OPs posts to be highlighted.

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