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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- friend prefer babies to my toddler

43 replies

mrsrafwag24 · 04/10/2017 14:46

My friend (Friend 1) has had a baby girl. My other very close friend (Friend 2) and her are friends for the sake of our group as opposed to being actual friends (expressed by Friend 2 several times)

Friend 2 was supposed to come and see my 2yo and I. She went for a visit to Friend 1 and ended up going for lunch then shopping etc, so the meeting time was pushed back and back until my DH got home from work, so had to say too late to come over as was DHs birthday. Friend 2 was a little miffed but she was 2 hours late and apologised. My 2yo remembering everything at the moment, kept asking for 'Friend 2' but had to explain we would see her another time.
Turns out Friend 1 having issues at home so Friend 2 felt obliged to stay with her all day. That I understand, glad someone was there for her to talk to.

Now I'm having girls over to plan a hen Friday, and Friend 2 wasn't coming as she had plans... when Friend 1 said she was coming, and would be bringing the baby, Friend 2 announces she would get out of it so she could come and see the baby.

It's at my house, so obviously my 2yo will be there, yet that wasn't good enough for her in the first place? Bearing in mind she babysits for me when I need it, and my 2yo adores her?

Before anyone suggest I am jealous, please understand, that I'm not at all, I'm just annoyed on behalf of my 2yo?
I always make a fuss of the bigger kids in a room than babies as they're the ones that notice, then gush over baby after.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 04/10/2017 17:25

I don't think it's about whether babies or toddlers are cuter (2 year olds every time though!). It's about the fact that your friend let your child down. Your child adores your friend, and your friend (no kids yet?) needs to appreciate that little people can have the same range of emotions as adults - and feel them more keenly, if anything.

If you think you can tell your friend your 2yo felt let down, do. If you think that will be taken badly, just don't tell your 2yo in future your friend is visiting - it can always be a nice surprise rather than a disappointment...

Lweji · 04/10/2017 17:28

Actually, it would look to me as if she got closer to friend 1.
The baby being there could be an excuse or a reason.

DiegoMadonna · 04/10/2017 17:28

It's also the fact that babies are new and people make more of an effort for them. Nothing personal, but people lose interest in your kids once they've been around a couple of years!

AliceLostInWonderland321 · 04/10/2017 17:29

Contrary to the other posts, I don't think you're being unreasonable. I would feel the same.

However, you have to remember that new babies are a novelty and people want to visit them, buy things for them etc.

IMO, your friend is rude for not mentioning your DD. But I wouldn't dwell on it. When the baby is the same age as your DD, just see if Friend 2 is as interested then.

DearMrDilkington · 04/10/2017 17:33

How old is the baby, if she/he is still in the newborn stage then I see where your friend is coming from.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 04/10/2017 17:34

YABU. Babies are cute and adorable. Toddlers are messy and whiny.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 04/10/2017 17:35

I understand where she's coming from because I love babies but have a strong aversion to toddlers (and children...) But it is rude of her to be so obvious about it. I think Lweji might be on to something with her guess.

I don't think there's much you can do: calling her out on it is just going to cause a rift and make the rest of the group uncomfortable. Maybe you an mention that your daughter/son was really looking forward to seeing her, but that could easily come off as a guilt trip... Tough one.

EdmundCleverClogs · 04/10/2017 17:36

Babies: cute, snuggley, tend to stay where you put them, enjoy minimal interaction, will generally not interrupt ever five minutes with inane updates from their own little world.

Toddlers: not so cute, speak in what seems to be an alien language, want constant attention, hands are constantly covered in some unknown stuff, can generally just be exhausting.

I have a toddler. I adore him, I'm very willing to put up with the repetitiveness, the endless deciphering of language, the silly play, reading hundreds of books and watching about as much Hey Duggee. I can completely appreciate that others would rather do anything else than grin and bare a toddler.

It sounds like friend 1 needs support at the moment regardless. I think her issues trump a two year old (who really can be easily distracted) questioning where Auntie X is.

ravenclawchick · 04/10/2017 20:50

Longtalljosie you've got it bang on. It was a bad title next to my AIBU. I should have put "annoyed with friend aibu" as opposed to preferring friends.

And for the record. Friend 1's 'other plans' was to go meet another baby from her OHs family. So not so much a "baby vs toddler" debate which some people are getting more interested in!

And yes I did change my name as it's been years since I started on MN and didn't realise it changed mid-post. Apologies to confuse you all.

[previously rafwag24]

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 04/10/2017 20:53

Lol am I the only one who would pick toddler over baby?

OhSoggyBiscuit · 04/10/2017 20:58

Why are toddlers so sticky?!

Flopjustwantscoffee · 04/10/2017 20:59

I find toddlers hilarious and adorable. Before I had my own child I would be at a bit of a loss of what to do with them but now I am a toddler expert and it's great. BUT it actually doesn't matter whether other people prefer your toddler or your friends baby. The important thing (as far as your toddler is concerned) is that you think they're the best, most amusing child in the world.
It also occurs to me that, maybe if your friend with a baby is having a difficult time at home your other friend was making an extra effort to be nice by saying she couldn't wait to see her baby again... in the same way when I was going through a very difficult time I had friends telling me I was a wonderful mother etc when in fairness I'm probably fairly average though .I do try my best...

PidgeonSpray · 04/10/2017 21:01

What's the issue?

Rainbunny · 04/10/2017 21:02

Sorry OP it's not personal but I don't enjoy being around toddlers, babies are much easier. It's not their fault, they're at a stage in their development that only a parent could love IMO! Friend 1's baby will be a toddler at some point and she will find friends less happy to be around her child ;)

ravenclawchick · 04/10/2017 21:05

I'm seeing now the importance of the AIBU title being a little clearer Hmm can you tell it's my first post? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Not so much the preferring. More annoyed I was let down, my 2yo was let down- that on top of the comment stirred some annoyance in me.

Rant over.

As always, thanks MNers.

SleightOfMind · 04/10/2017 21:06

I like toddlers much better than babies but I'm fucking weird.

There could be a million reasons for these two minor incidents, none of which involve your friend's feelings about your toddler.
From what you've said, you're overthinking.

If you have a gut feeling something's up, you'll need a bit more than this to be sure.

Dahlietta · 04/10/2017 21:08

I would prefer someone else's toddler over someone else's baby too actually, but I don't think that's really the point. OP's friend knows and, presumably as she babysits her, likes OP's toddler and has a relationship with her. Maybe she does prefer babies, but she should probably be a bit less obvious about it.

BuzzKillington · 04/10/2017 21:12

Toddlers are very annoying indeed. I am not mad about babies, but at least they sleep.

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