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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To of hit the bastard back

52 replies

justmemyselfandeye · 04/10/2017 12:52

For many years now my husband has emotionally abused me and the last few years Iv lost count how many times he’s put his dam hands on me!
Yesterday whilst folding cloths he told me after a disagreement that I was not a women and that my stretch marks are disgusting and insulted me over and over (ignored and let it go)
He then continued to insult me, so I told him he wasn’t a good man. He flew at me in a rage putting his hands around my throat and licking my face!yes licking my face forcefully.
I’m not sure how I did it but I punched him hard in the face and split his lip.
He left the house shocked.
I was shaking and disappointed that I had lowered myself to his level.
Now I don’t know how I feel. I just lost it. I couldn’t take no more. I’m in the process of moving out so tensions are high. But iv put up with years of this and I’m ready to call it a day and leave. Has anyone else ever lost it with an abusive partner?
Did you feel guilt? I’m not proud of myself. And I wish I could take it back and of handled it differently like removing myself from the house. Was I unreasonable? Or shall I say stupid to do this ? As now I’m as bad as him

OP posts:
StuckForever · 04/10/2017 12:55

There's a big difference between attacking somebody and defending yourself. You aren't the same as him. Good on you for preparing to leave now. Well done.

StormTreader · 04/10/2017 12:56

Hes probably just shocked that you had the guts to finally clock him one! You may find that hes not quite so blase and off-hand about assaulting you now he knows there's a chance he'll get some of it back.

hidinginthenightgarden · 04/10/2017 12:58

I wouldn't feel guilty. He had his hands around your throat. He should be grateful you haven't been to the police about the abuse given.

DeleteOrDecay · 04/10/2017 12:58

You were defending yourself, you didn’t sink to his level at all, although he will probably play the victim now. How gross of him to lick your face, what goes through some peoples mindsConfused

I’m glad you are moving out, he sounds like a dangerous psychopath.

jaseyraex · 04/10/2017 12:59

Not unreasonable, not stupid, and definitely not as bad as he is. Get yourself out of that house asap and never look back. You have been incredible to put up with it for so long and even more incredible to realise you don't have to put up with it.

Before I met my DH I was in a horribly abusive relationship. The last night I was with him, I honestly thought he might kill me. I slashed his arm with a knife when he came at me and I really think I might have done more if I had to. But he left. Then I left and that was that. Defending yourself is entirely different from attacking.

MrsMotherHen · 04/10/2017 13:00

good on you! leave that bastard.

MrsMotherHen · 04/10/2017 13:00

good on you! leave that bastard.

Dragongirl10 · 04/10/2017 13:01

You were defending yourself, that is very different to attacking someone.

Please do not feel at all bad for him, but you need to be out as soon as possivble as you are clearly not safe there...can you not go straight away? l feel very worried for your safety....
Can you go to the police and make a report of what happened?

Good luck and please stay safe

funnylittlefloozie · 04/10/2017 13:02

You're in the process of moving out? And he put his hands round your neck? PLEASE, please, get on with moving as quickly as you can, and get yourself well away from this animal. In a perfect world, you shouldn't have hit him, but its never wrong to defend yourself when you are attacked. I am actually very frightened for you. When is he due to come home? Has he gone to work, or jsut stormed out? Is there anyone who could come and be with you until you can leave?

Original poster
justmemyselfandeye · 04/10/2017 13:02

I’m shocked that I did it and the last thing I thought I Would feel is guilt
Just bizzare. Yes I’m leaving ! I couldn’t last another day here with him.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 04/10/2017 13:03

I would seriously think about reporting this to the police. He had his hands around your throat and only let go when you punched him. I think there is a real danger he might escalate the violence from here. You are not safe and there is a real risk that he will use your reaction as an excuse to go in harder next time.

Please stay safe.

liz70 · 04/10/2017 13:03

Don't give a second thought to what you should, or shouldn't have done. It doesn't matter one not. Just concentrate on getting away and building a new life for yourself, free of fear, humiliation and pain. Best of luck with it. Flowers

Myfavouritechild · 04/10/2017 13:04

Report or log his assault on you to police. If he’s that nasty, he may try and make out he’s a victim just to get back at you for standing up to him. Good luck

Original poster
justmemyselfandeye · 04/10/2017 13:06

Yes have a friend with me and no he’s left and will be returning in two days in which time I will have left. Can’t believe it I can’t believe how someone who claims they love you can do this

OP posts:
Runningpear · 04/10/2017 13:06

I would be concerned for your safety if he's out his hands around your neck. Can you leave now?

Aeroflotgirl · 04/10/2017 13:06

Good! He deserved that, the nasty abusive prick. You were defending yourself. Now change the locks, consult WA and Police and never take him back. Nasty piece of work.

AnnabelleLecter · 04/10/2017 13:06

You were justified of course, but don't hang around leave asap and don't go back no matter what. You need to report him, he's dangerous.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/10/2017 13:07

I would have kneed him in the bollocks as well, bastard!

MammaTJ · 04/10/2017 13:08

I am so worried about your safety right now. What are your plans to get out? Do you have DC? Do you have support?

You did the only thing you could, which was to defend yourself. Please contact the police.

Original poster
justmemyselfandeye · 04/10/2017 13:10

In the process of sorting all my things out I have someone with me.
No no children thank god!
He wanted children so I went and got the coil fitted. Harsh but couldn’t risk it

OP posts:
Topseyt · 04/10/2017 13:12

Don't feel guilty. You were defending yourself. Who knows what he would have done if you had not hit him like that?

Instead of feeling guilty, call the police. The 101 number should do, unless he returns in which case call 999. He could have strangled you, and just might next time, and if he comes back. Perhaps they might arrest him and keep you safe?

Barricade the doors to keep him out, until you are ready to leave. Leave with the bare minimum, in order to speed things up.

Is anyone able to be with you at the moment (not him, obvs) while you get ready to go?

Original poster
justmemyselfandeye · 04/10/2017 13:14

Thank you for advice
I will call 999 if he comes within an inch of me. I’m done being a dam target for his issues!

OP posts:
KarateKitten · 04/10/2017 13:16

Call the police to let them know the situation and get out asap. He may come back ready to properly teach you a lesson for doing that. What he's done so far indicates he could go a lot further.

Nadinexo1 · 04/10/2017 13:16

well done! you did it in self defence and after years of being abused. Don't feel guilty you were protecting yourself.

user1495451339 · 04/10/2017 13:16

Well done, you were defending yourself and the only person that should be guilty or ashamed is him.

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