To of hit the bastard back

[justmemyselfandeye]

For many years now my husband has emotionally abused me and the last few years Iv lost count how many times he’s put his dam hands on me!
Yesterday whilst folding cloths he told me after a disagreement that I was not a women and that my stretch marks are disgusting and insulted me over and over (ignored and let it go)
He then continued to insult me, so I told him he wasn’t a good man. He flew at me in a rage putting his hands around my throat and licking my face!yes licking my face forcefully.
I’m not sure how I did it but I punched him hard in the face and split his lip.
He left the house shocked.
I was shaking and disappointed that I had lowered myself to his level.
Now I don’t know how I feel. I just lost it. I couldn’t take no more. I’m in the process of moving out so tensions are high. But iv put up with years of this and I’m ready to call it a day and leave. Has anyone else ever lost it with an abusive partner?
Did you feel guilt? I’m not proud of myself. And I wish I could take it back and of handled it differently like removing myself from the house. Was I unreasonable? Or shall I say stupid to do this ? As now I’m as bad as him

You didn't lower yourself to his level you were defending yourself. I'm glad you're leaving him.

Be safe op and good luck.

Do you need to get out? If you own or rent the house, you could get an injunction to keep him away. Call WA to make sure you've explored all your options.

Call the police and report him assaulting you anyway, also tell them you defended yourself.

It is almost certain he he going to do so

Reasonable force. Nothing wrong with that. Good luck with your new life OP. Eyes forward xx

Good for you!

Perhaps he will think twice about raising his hands to anyone else, ever.

You are a wise woman not to have children with this horrible man. He may have beaten them, too, and would certainly have used them as a weapon against you.

You defended yourself. If you hadn't;t, you may have been seriously injured or even dead by now - a lot of lasting damage can be done by hands around your throat. I hope he is in a lot of pain from his split lip (and I'd love to know how he is explaining it to people ("My wife was folding the laundry and I tried to strangle her so she cracked one" - what a hero that makes him sound!)

I have been craving a normal relationship for sometime now
Will not rush but I sometimes day dream about what it would be like to be with a decent man :(
After years of being told I’m basically disgusting it’s put my self esteem in the mud but I can’t wait to just live a normal life without him in it

He's the Bastard how dare he do that, well done OP for standing up for yourself, do not feel guilty he attacked you you had every right to defend yourself.

Im glad your leaving, if you need to, if he escalates phone the police and keep safe.

I’m not proud of myself.

You should be.

When you're suffering abuse at the hands of someone who is supposed to love and respect you it can make you feel all kinds of things. Try not to give yourself a hard time for defending yourself, you won't have anything to feel guilty about and I guess that any feelings of guilt are confusing because you know really this is not your fault. It really is not your fault. I would recommend reporting to the police if you feel safe enough to do so because his hands on your neck is a very dangerous escalation and violent men can be most abusive when a woman is leaving/trying to leave/has left. So glad you have support in person with your friend. Much love and solidarity to you and again none of this is your fault.

Thank you I’m over thinking this I think I know I shouldn’t feel guilt
I’m staying strong by knowing that this man will not be feeling any guilt at all so why should I?
Just recently told my father he wants to kill him !
But I told him this will solve nothing !
But I understand his anger. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Just surprised myself I think with lashing out. I’m not confrontational

Hi op. I've name changed for this. Yes I hit back. My ex was really abusive. It would be too long to list it all on here but the last straw came one day. I just couldn't take his shit anymore and although it was bad it was not the worst thing he had ever done. He moved on from physical abuse to trying to convince me I was mad. Even hiding my car keys. I'd be looking for them and he would be telling me that I was off my head. Kept loosing stuff etc. Look there they are right in front of you, that type of thing. Doesn't sound horrendous I know but I think he sussed I was at my end with him. Anyway I threw a cup of Luke warm coffee at his head. I can still see him in my mind with the coffee dripping of his face. And I can still hear the noice the cup made when it bounced of him. That's the worse I ever did. It's the only physical thing I ever did. And he was shocked too. I had been through hell with him. Things got worse much worse as I left. I had to get a restraining order. He was nearly sectioned by the police doctor. It all eventually went to court he just escaped prison and do you know with all the evidence we had the bastard used the coffee abuse in court. I made sure everything was logged in the end op. Everything whether it be with the doctors or police. The police were bloody amazing. I had to take the test for them to see how bad the abuse was. I scored the highest score. I'm sorry I can't remember what the test is called. They took the whole thing extremely seriously. I had a fire bag on my door. My bedroom was made into a safe room firedoor with three locks.which the bastard one day got through but that's another story. Any way. I'm on the other side. Get the fuck away from him and stay away. Do I blame you for snapping ? Absolutely not. Should you feel guilty? Hell no. Good luck op

Good for you! You were defending yourself. You are getting away. Congratulations!!!

Wow name change
Thanks for sharing
He would often break and hide my things too. He’s broken jewellery of mine hair appliances all very strange isn’t it

Breaking your things is symbolic, and strangling is another very serious sing. Talk to the police as soon as you can, and stay safe. Dont have any contact with him,

You can not reason with them and when I realised that after many stupid years of trying that was it for me. I think I stopped caring over night. I read this and I'm embarrassed. He had a terrible childhood and I let him have that as his excuse. After everything that happened I don't hate him anymore. I can honestly say I feel nothing towards him. And I'm so glad as anger is such a waste of energy. I'm happy now. He's still single 10 years later after many failed relationships I'm told. I'm glad those women were stronger than I was. I was very young when we met. If I met him now I'd run for the hills. You will be ok xxxxx good things await you.

The relationship is completely over now. Had a voicemail as he’s blocked on my phone about how sorry he is bla bla master manipulator
Will never fool me again

Thank you so much :)

You shouldn't feel any guilt EVER for standing up for yourself and defending yourself!
You should be feeling proud!
He had his hands around your neck!
You gave him a dose of what he gives you and of what he can expect if he returns and apparently he doesn't like it????? well booo fucken hooo to him!
Be proud! you have done what millions of women wish they could and now you are getting out!
Might teach him a wee well needed lesson about keeping his hands to himself in future and if not maybe he needs to be taught again ( as they say)
Good for you! ( remember its not stooping its self defense)

I say good for you. He deserved it.

Do not feel guilty at all honey, and well done for breaking the cycle. Now stop typing and get packing and get the hell out! Let us know when you're out and safe. Best wishes, hope all goes well.

Thanks to all replies

No your not as bad as him, There is a world of diffrence between attacking someone and doing what you need to in order to defend yourself.

I’m glad to see in one of your updates that you are leaving as my worry would be now the relationship could be even worse for you than it was before and I think the fact you got the coil instead of risking bringing a child in to such a realtionship shows you are a clever lady and I am sure in time you will be ok 💐

Good for you op, keep going and don't look back, best of luck, your future will be much brighter from now, believe me I know.

Hold onto that rage until you're safely away from him.

He was goading you into reacting so he had an excuse to attack you.

You fought back.

Now he knows he no longer has control over you. Be safe op. These asreholes don't usually give up so easily.