Paying on dates

[dailydance]

I’m posting here for traffic. I’d really like peoples opinions on this.

I have always paid my own way on dates - 50/50. My recent ex used to complain about his ex never paying (he met her on sugardaddie). He was saying that I was a breath of fresh air. Then he dumped me for someone he met on sugardaddie. Faod I did not meet him on that site. It made me wonder - do guys actually like paying on dates? Does it make them feel “like a man” / to impress?

I’ve always split things equally as I don’t feel comfortable that they may expect sex in return for paying for a date. But now I’m thinking that some maybe guys just like to impress by paying? I’m confused. Have I been dating all wrong by splitting things equally?

I always paid 50/50 when i was on dates i had a friend though who beleived a man should always pay and she might offer to get a round in if she was feeling generous i thought it was very old fashioned i have been with dh nearly 13 years though so havent been on a date in years!

Anyone who finds their women on sugar daddy sites is a fucking tit if he doesn't expect to pay on dates. That being the entire point.

Also, anyone who goes on sugar daddy sites is a sleazy old fuck who you should have more sense than to go out with.

When my OH and I first started going out, he wanted to take me out and paid. Now if we go out, sometimes I'll pay, sometimes he'll pay and things generally balance out.

A relative of mine who has been with her husband of 10+ years always has to go 50/50. One person never just pays for the other, it strikes me as odd but it works for them.

I like to take it in turns - if we are having drinks we'll buy a round each. If we are having dinner my rule of thumb is that the person who chose the venue pays, unless it's a special occassions in which case the person with the birthday/success/whatever should get treated. One person paying implies you will have another date, whilst splitting the bill, in my opinion, has an implication that there will not be a chance for the other person to pay it back, i.e. no further dates. My partner likes to treat me to things but I like to to treat him too. If a man actually likes to impress by paying to the extent that he doesn't want the woman to pay that would, in my opinion, be a warning sign that he considers women inferior!

DH insisted on paying for us most of the time whilst we were dating, but he was in a reasonable job and I was balancing study and part time work. I insisted on paying sometimes. I think it's down to individuals but I think the general expectation should be 50-50

Your splitting the bill is not the issue here. You're not his type. For which you should feel eternally grateful.

First dates I always thought it was nice for the bloke to at least offer. I'd only accept if I wanted to go out again and would pay for the second date. When my DP and I first got together every month we'd both put money in a pot (literally) and use that money whenever we went out. We bought a house and have a joint account within 3 months!

Who does the asking out, pays.

You’re getting two things mixed up. Sugar daddie is basically a business transaction, it’s not normal dating.

In normal dating, yes paying your way is the decent thing to do.

You were with some wanker who wanted to pay so he could have a young woman on his arm or in his bed becayse it’s the only way he could get one. She’s not his girlfriend.

I like to take it in turns
This ^^ That way you both get the chance to feel like the one who's treating and being treated, best of both worlds and it balances out overall. Otherwise, 50:50, it's just like going out with a friend.

A man meets a woman on a sugar daddy website and is then miffed that she expects him to pay for everything?? It's like meeting somebody on a bondage website and complaining that they like being tied up and spanked!

I don't think you're doing it wrong - why would you even think from this one experience (the type of man who uses a sugar daddy website) that most other men feel this way?

I used to pay kind of 50/50 when I was younger. I found that lots of men wanted to pay everything, but this was a looooong time ago. Now DH and I split things but we don't stress about weather it's exactly 50/50.

In your case OP I think it's not really about who pays but more about the mentally of men use that kind of site. Mostly they are not looking for a long term relationship.

Exist - I didn’t know he had met his ex on that site when I first started dating him. When he did tell me, he said it was a mistake using the site and seemed to really regret it- obviously that was not the case, but hey-ho. The site seems to be full of dirty old men looking to pay for a young woman’s company. It’s so very grim and sad :(

The site seems to be full of dirty old men looking to pay for a young woman’s company. It’s so very grim and sad. Exactly, so he's not someone you should take dating etiquette advice from.

Good point Just - I’m glad my theory / pondering on dating etiquette is incorrect.

I think taking it in turns to pay is best. I don't like splitting the bill 50/50.
My husband and I take turns to pay. I pay one time, he pays the next. I think that's the best way to do it.
(His ex used to expect him to pay for everything, very rarely offered to pay).
On our first date he offered to pay, but I said I'd like to. The next time he paid. And that's how it's always been.

I have tried that before confused but it’s not often returned .. I ended up paying for probably 2/3 of dates with previous ex’s. I got tired of being taken for a mug so now go 50/50. I know how to pick ‘em ;)

Sugardaddie is essentially prostitution - the deal is the man takes out a pretty lady for diner and they have sex.

I wouldn't date any guy who was on there.

I haven't heard of this Sugardaddie site but clearly the name speaks for itself.

Apart from that, I think there is maybe a generational difference in that men say, over 40, expect to pay on dates? DH is now 46. When we met 17 years ago, he was 29 and I was 25 and he didn't like me paying for things. I think there is a kind of man who prefers to pay, yes, so if you're with that type you need to be able to go with it really. They are often more traditional types who prefer stay-home wives once you get married. In my case, I didn't want to leave the kids anyway, so it suited me, but it would not be for everyone obviously.

I think things have possibly changed a lot in recent years though and men don't presume to pay beyond the first date anymore. Also I think younger men make less effort on dates in general, from what I can see.

I mostly date >40s. I’m late 30s. Hmm.. ok so, maybe some 40+ men prefer to pay and some don’t? Ugh.. how to decipher between this who want to pay to be nice and those who want to pay because they expect sex in return.

Yeah, the site is prostitution. I told him that it was basically a hooker site when he first told me about using it in the past. He wasn’t too happy about my thoughts on the site

I would prefer to alternate than split it. On a first date whoever asked should pay but I understand from studying MN that doesn't really translate to internet dating ( I'm old so never done it). However, wouldn't expect the guy to pay.

I've never paid on a date. Never. I can't imagine doing that or even offering to split.
My partner of 5 years and father-to-be to our little one has also always paid. I don't how I feel about it now.

Prior to my current DP, I paid for myself with the exception of one date. DP started off paying for most things but gradually it became more equal and is now very equal

In the nicest way you don't belong on the 'sugardaddy' site OP. He does. He was always looking for somebody that met his expectations in terms of how fantastic he thinks he is. You didn't measure up but were a 'she'll do for now'. I think he's made a big mistake and he'll live to regret it one day but you? You've dodged a big, fat, ugly bullet.

And yes, he wanted to