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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be pissed off?

29 replies

Pissedoffinsomniac · 04/10/2017 07:59

Please tell me if IABU/PFB/hand me a grip if justified.

DD is one next week. Having a party for her next weekend with her little pals (no dramas there but there's still time!) as her actual birthday is during the week.
DH and I both put in leave requests at work to have her actual birthday off so we could do something as a family. DH has since told me he has cancelled his leave to go to a work meeting that he wasn't asked to go to but thinks it may help him with an internal move within his work place (no guarantees mind you). This meeting is at the other end of the country so he will be leaving before DD wakes and back after her bedtime. He has since taken the day before her birthday off but to me that's not good enough.
AIBU to still be seething days after being told that DH has effectively chosen to work over spending the day with his only child on her first birthday?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 04/10/2017 08:01

She is one. You are celebrating on another day. YABU

CosyFires · 04/10/2017 08:03

Yes YABU, your DD won't know the difference and you're celebrating it on the weekend anyway.

RainbowPastel · 04/10/2017 08:03

Are parents supposed to take the day off for their children's birthdays? My DH never has.

DressedCrab · 04/10/2017 08:03

YABU. She will have no idea it's her birthday. Different if she was older and you'd planned a day out.

LineysRun · 04/10/2017 08:03

I don't know, tbh.

It means a lot to you, it means little to your DH, it means zero to your baby.

Scoobydoobydont · 04/10/2017 08:04

Er yeah. Get a grip

gamerchick · 04/10/2017 08:06

Whilst I understand how irritating it is when the husband goes into work when he’s not supposed to I can understand if he’s doing it to progress.

The bairns one, she won’t know it’s her birthday. It’s a bit much to be actual seething about it. Confused

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 04/10/2017 08:06

Can't you switch your day and have a day together the day after/before her birthday? I think YABU - it's lovely to want to both take the day off together, but it sounds like an important meeting. The day can be celebrated at different times, DD won't realise

MarcelineTheVampire · 04/10/2017 08:07

OP although your DD will have no idea, I would be annoyed too. He is seemingly prioritising work over his family and something that is clearly important to you.

However, if this helps enhance his career and a better life for his family I can see why he's done it.

Notanothergiraffe · 04/10/2017 08:08

I don’t think it matters too much for your D.C. to be honest but I think YANBU in being pissed off he has changed the plan after you had agreed what you were both doing.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 04/10/2017 08:09

My dad never ever took my birthday off when I was growing up. Does it mean he let me down, chose work over me or doesn't love me? Like fuck it does.

She's one...she won't give a shit about anything other then the cardboard boxes the toys came in and if this meeting has the possibility to help him advance his career then how on earth is that a bad thing?!

Original poster
Pissedoffinsomniac · 04/10/2017 08:10

Grip firmly received! It's not the actual meeting as such, it's the attitude behind cancelling the leave- "she won't remember". Well I bloody well will! If DH had put in the leave request and it had been refused then that's another matter entirely.

OP posts:
TyneTeas · 04/10/2017 08:12

My dd's 1st birthday was shifted by about a week because of work commitments, but is it maybe that it wasn't discussed and jyst unilaterally decided that is bothering you?

TyneTeas · 04/10/2017 08:12

Cross post

RhiWrites · 04/10/2017 08:14

It's a dick move to just cancel the leave without discussing it with you. You agreed mutually to spend the day as a family, he shouldn't just let you down wbbwithout expkaining about the important meeting first.

LineysRun · 04/10/2017 08:14

I do get that it's pissing you off that he went back on an agreed plan. I guess he didn't think much of the plan to start with, maybe. In which case he needs to communicate better.

Original poster
Pissedoffinsomniac · 04/10/2017 08:14

You've summarised exactly why I'm annoyed TyneTeas, thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Pissedoffinsomniac · 04/10/2017 08:15

DH wasn't even asked to attend the meeting in the first place as his boss was and still is going

OP posts:
onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 04/10/2017 08:17

Of course you don't take time off work for children's birthdays. I have two teenagers and have never taken time off work - nor have their their father or their step parent - for either of their respective birthdays. We just celebrate in the evening or at the end of the working week.

Your DH has a good work opportunity that might be jeopardised if he doesn't go to this meeting - surely that's more important for you all as a family unit than him being at home for a one year old who won't really understand what's happening.

ArcheryAnnie · 04/10/2017 08:19

What I would be irritated by is not him being away for your DD's birthday (she won't remember), but him unilaterally altering family plans that he knew were important to you without talking to you first.

FreckledFrog · 04/10/2017 08:21

I agree with you poster. I can't deny that I would be a little bit hurt if we had planned a special family day and it got taken away, especially for the sake of a work meeting

operaha · 04/10/2017 08:22

I started work when ds was 11 months so have missed every birthday unless it was the weekend Confused given I work in education it wouldn't be an option, never heard of such a thing!! Massively unreasonable.

blackteasplease · 04/10/2017 08:24

Well I agree that he doesn't necessarily have to have the day off.

But as it had been agreed between them, the dh should at least have spoken to OP and given her the explanation before cancelling the leave . Then the OP would be U not to say OK.

Jackiebrambles · 04/10/2017 08:24

Yes it's the lack of discussion that is annoying.

But really, it doesn't matter. When my first baby was 1 DH was in new york with work (and almost didn't make it back until days later due to horrific snow storms). We pretended his birthday was when he got back and he got all his gifts then. It didn't matter one jot.

gorygloria · 04/10/2017 08:25

There are many life events to come, don’t get too hung up on them.

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