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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have people become more self absorbed/rude?

40 replies

wobblywonderwoman · 03/10/2017 23:10

In the workplace etc ?

I don't want to make a sweeping statement (though I know I have)
I am dealing with rudeness/selfishness/tunnel vision constantly.

Today an admin staff quite rude (despite seeing I was really up to my eyes with 'frontline' public work?)

I am always kind and pleasant to people and get this person a gift every so often

I won't be again

OP posts:
KC225 · 03/10/2017 23:44

Yes. I agree people are ruder and much more quick to temper

SmashyCup · 04/10/2017 10:59

Yes I think they are. I can never work out whether they are oblivious or it is deliberate.

wink1970 · 04/10/2017 11:18

yes, and it's our fault, we have raised a snowflake generation of 20-somethings who feel the world owes them a C-level salary, etc, when all they want to do is take selfies.

Yes, I am also generalising, but I notice it more these days than even 10 or 5 years ago, particularly in the workplace.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 04/10/2017 11:19

wink1970 Oh fuck off with your ageism.

TheSparrowhawk · 04/10/2017 11:20

Nope, you're just getting older. Remember how your parents used to complain about how rude everyone was and how the yoof were so awful? Yeah, you're becoming them.

Shoxfordian · 04/10/2017 11:21

I don't think so

One bad experience does not a sweeping statement make

differenteverytime · 04/10/2017 11:23

I've noticed this, and wondered if it was partly because the template of our interactions is changing. We're getting used to online/text interactions, which are often more abrupt and descend into rudeness much more readily. And that's resetting the dynamic of our face-to-face encounters. I also notice that online discourse has been getting 'ruder' over the past year or two, so perhaps it's going to get even worse...

TheSparrowhawk · 04/10/2017 11:24

Hesiod, 8th Century BC said: 'I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise [disrespectful] and impatient of restraint'

Every single generation laments the falling standards of those around them.

differenteverytime · 04/10/2017 11:25

Ah, Sparrowhawk, I was trying to remember that quotation, but couldn't get hold of it.

I have also considered the possibility that I might be getting more irritating Grin.

thecatfromjapan · 04/10/2017 11:31

I get the impression that people are more anxious at the moment. Lots of people with long commutes, long work hours, increased targets, uncertain work, uncertain future, less leisure time, double shifts (home and work), etc. - all of which leads to people having a little less bandwidth.

Totally disagree with this 'generation snowflake' nonsense. That's just older people resentful of youth and projecting their own unresolved fears of death.

'Generation Snowflake' tend to be entrepreneurial, politically engaged, mindful of ethical obligations to others, to the planet and the future, saddled with ridiculous amounts of debt .... What's 'Snowflake' about all that? I hate youth bashing. Ans the 'Snowflake' thing is an alt-right tag to dismiss people telling them not to be racist, sexist, etc. Fuck that.

Bridge9484 · 04/10/2017 11:32

I don't think it's an age thing, I'm a 20-something that works with 50+ year olds and I have definitely noticed that people are generally quite rude these days. I know people my age that act as though the world owes them a favour and elderly people that think they're entitled to behave however they like because they're elderly. I don't really have any ideas why.

thecatfromjapan · 04/10/2017 11:34

KC255 'Yes. I agree people are ruder and much more quick to temper'

I really notice this on MN. I suspect a lot more people come on MN now to release pent-up frustration (on proxy issues) than used to be the case. I know that a lot of that is own to the rise of AIBU and expectations but I do think that some of it is down to people feeling an increased pressure and lack of power in their own RL.

NameChanger22 · 04/10/2017 11:36

There is certainly more stress about. The bullies are running the playground and terrible employers are getting away with treating their staff like crap. The nasty people are in charge and the people are suffering. I think this has dramatically increased in the last few years. Maybe this increased stress makes people a little bit more hurried and abrupt.

TheSparrowhawk · 04/10/2017 11:36

I think it's absolutely laughable to believe that people were more polite and lovely in times gone by. They were more polite and lovely if you happened to be a straight white male. If you were of any sort of foreign extraction, were a woman, gay, disabled, or in any way different, then you were completely discriminated against, excluded, ripe for jokes and harassment, the whole lot. Have you ever seen the 'it was alright in the 70s/80s' programmes - the programmes where people openly say how stupid black people are etc? Polite and lovely my fat arse.

CaoNiMartacus · 04/10/2017 11:37

Au contraire. I find false overweening friendliness to be the general mode of communication nowadays.

thecatfromjapan · 04/10/2017 11:37

Sparrowhawk That is a good point. Worth remembering that a lot of people who use the term 'Snowflake' use it when being told they can't make those 'jokes'/comments any more.

wink1970 · 04/10/2017 11:39

ha ha WhatToDoAboutThis2017 touched a nerve?

I said I was generalising. We employ more than 150 staff (70% of the HQ workforce) under age 25, and most of them are, as CatfromJapan more eloquently put, engaging, trustworthy, etc. But despite paying really well we have to interview tens and tens of 'snowflakes' (yes I am going to keep using that word) in order to find 1.

thecatfromjapan · 04/10/2017 11:40

We're going to have to define terms, aren't we? Grin

What time-scale are we talking about? Over last 5 years? 50? 500?

And where? In RL? In consumer settings? On-line? In media?

There's an argument that suggests people were really brutal and short-tempered in the early Renaissance period because of very poor diet.

wink1970 · 04/10/2017 11:43

oh FFS Sparrowhawk, I am an employer of all ethnic backgrounds & physical abilities, I campaign for LBGT charities and I chair / mentor in a 'young women in business' group. Just because some of us also believe that 'snowflakes' are growing in prevalence doesn't make us alt-right.

NameChanger22 · 04/10/2017 11:43

The British have been known for 'fake' politeness for a very long time. I remember non-British people pointing this out to me 20 years ago. The British will smile at you, whilst stabbing you in the back. I am British but have lived abroad a few times.

thecatfromjapan · 04/10/2017 11:51

wink That phrase is a huge alt-right signifier. I'm in my 50s and I'd flinch if someone around me used that term a lot. And I don't mean that in a bun-fighty way. It's a truth I can share with you because I don't have to worry about you being my friend (and risk upsetting you) or my employer. Genuinely, I rally, really hate it. I think instantly of Fucking Milo and The Elected Atrocity - not a thought I like to have before breakfast. And I'll bet I'm not the only one.

TheSparrowhawk · 04/10/2017 11:53

I never said anything about alt-right wink. Alt-right is a totally meaningless term IMO.

thecatfromjapan · 04/10/2017 11:54

I don't know that the politeness is 'fake' as such. It's about maintaining a basic level of polite communication in social encounters and it works to maintain distance. I think that it's the latter part that people find confusing. I think they mistake the politeness-to-maintain-distance as an actual invitation to intimacy, presumably because they would extend politeness only to those in an intimate circle, rather than a default.

thecatfromjapan · 04/10/2017 11:54

I said 'alt-right'.

SusanTheGentle · 04/10/2017 12:00

There are absolutely tons of historical quotes on 'the youth of today' and they all make me giggle. Peter the Hermit, in the 12th C, is a particular favourite:

“The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no respect for their parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they alone know everything and what passes for wisdom in us foolishness in them. As for the girls, they are foolish and immodest and unwomanly in speech, behavior, and dress.”

Seneca was Not Happy in the 1st c AD:

“Our young men have grown slothful. There is not a single honorable occupation for which they will toil night and day. They sing and dance and grow effeminate and curl their hair and learn womanish tricks of speech; they are as languid as women and deck themselves out with unbecoming ornaments. Without strength, without energy, they add nothing during life to the gifts with which they were born — then they complain of their lot.”

Plato, 5th C BCE, also not a fan of the yoof:

“Our youth have an insatiable desire for wealth; they have bad manners and atrocious customs regarding dressing and their hair and what garments or shoes they wear.”