DH pissed all over my idea of going to Uni.

[GandolfBold]

AIBU to do it anyway?

I recently signed up for an access course to enable to go to university next year. I want to do a three year degree then a 2 year professional course. At the moment I mix a very part time job with some freelance work and looking after the children and house.

DH is self-employed. He pays me some money a month from the business as I am a partner (and do the books/ some admin/filing etc). I don't really understand how it works but DH is annoyed at me because if I go back to uni I will need to pay off my student loans straight away. He is also upset because I am being secretive about it. He says I should just give up and carry on doing what I am doing because it works for the family.

I have tried explaining that this is what I want to do. Its close to a field I already work in and have spent the last 2 years working towards this. We had very different starts in life, so DH got to go to Uni, set himself up etc and is really successful, while my stuff has taken a back seat.

I want him to see he is being a bit of an arse - AIBU.

Are you saying you'd work the same amount as now and study? How are you going to manage that?

Do you care what he thinks? Like you said, he's pissing on your chips. What's to stop you just doing it anyway? Does he run all of his big decisions past you?

Hmmm. If he's being a bit of a tosser about the money implications, then it's probably more important than ever that you do it, to increase your earning potential, in case he becomes more of a tosser about money.

Why does everyone think he's being a *? It's big £££ to go uni when you've got 3 children and financial commitments. In addition, it will have implications on the company tax bill so the family is going to be worse off.

It sounds like a big unheaval and a financial challenge for a number of years so it should be thought through, planned and agreed jointly.

It sounds like your DH has got a bit too used to you putting the entire family ahead of your own needs. You have many working years left; if I were you I'd go ahead and retrain now so you can have independence. The fact you had to keep the access course secret tells me that he would never want to 'let' you spend this time on improving your ability to earn and have a fulfilled life beyond looking after him and his DC.

Do you understand the way that the finances are set up for the company? As a director who takes dividends (which sound like they must be more than £21k if your DH thinks you'll have to start repaying straight away), you should really understand the finances of the company.