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AIBU?

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Original poster

'What I would tell myself in my 20's'

92 replies

KissesAX · 02/10/2017 19:46

I'm in my early 20s. It's not going great but all I hear is 'I wish I could tell my 20 year old self it's okay not to not know what you're doing in your life'.
AIBU to wish people could tell you actual advice and not just its okay to make mistakes.

I don't want my life to pass me by and waste my potential during my youth. Do any of you have advice how I can become successful and happy and avoid those big mistakes.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 02/10/2017 21:52

Oh and don't dye your hair.
Don't pierce your face.. I did and regret the holes. Don't pierce your nipples...I did and regret the holes.
Don't spend Christmases with your boyfriend, spend them with family until you are married. I regret spending xmas with different boyfriends and their families then later we've split up and I should have had xmas with my own family.

NextIndia · 02/10/2017 21:56

Don’t have kids yet! Go travelling!

OhOfCourse · 02/10/2017 21:58
  • make lots of friends and don’t distances yourself from them when/if you settle down
  • always put yourself first
  • don’t settle down to early or have kids too early. Get to know and love yourself
  • learn how to network professionally ASAP. - Help others and be kind
  • save save save
  • don’t say no to ANY opportunities unless there’s a very good reason. You don’t know where they can take you!
minipie · 02/10/2017 22:00

Things I'm glad I did in my 20s

  • didn't have a baby
  • worked hard, earned well, but lived pretty frugally, so saved a lot
  • travelled to exotic places (only 2 week hols and on a backpacker budget, but still travelled!)

Things I wish I'd done

  • more any exercise
  • sorted my acne out
  • gone out dancing more
  • generally gone out more rather than vegging on the sofa with DP (Plenty of years of that later...)
Dustbunny1900 · 02/10/2017 22:09

Your family is dysfunctional. It's not your fault. You are worthy of love and respect

You are just as entitled to orgasm

Pandering to a man will not make him love you. In fact most of the time it will generate disdain and contempt and make you look desperate for love (which you are. Stop it)

Go to school! Make it happen

Don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, wash your makeup off at night. Wear sunscreen daily (only started at around 24 )

Ditch friends who only want to interact on their terms.

Spend more time with your kids and spend more time getting to know yourself

Dustbunny1900 · 02/10/2017 22:11

Maybe I shouldn't have put the first bit of advice right next to the second. Awk.

cailisto · 02/10/2017 22:14

Don’t settle down
Do buy the house (that cost bugger all!) that your gut is telling you to buy and avoid renting.
To take the risks in jobs and push yourself harder for promotions (rather than self-doubting).
To travel more, as kids will make that trickier!
To tell people to fuck off much more and not be a doormat.
To realise that you are worth more...

Gingernaut · 02/10/2017 22:15

Finish that last module and finish the HNC. You'll need it.

Don't go to a college not recognised by the NUS.

Don't listen to your parents. There is something very wrong.

Stay working in that underground lab.

peachgreen · 02/10/2017 22:32

Dump your useless boyfriend, move to London, start going to the theatre and have a bloody wonderful time dating and being single and generally behaving terribly until you meet the love of your life at 28.

Generally I just wish I’d had more fun. I adored my year of being single so much and I wish I’d got to do it for longer rather than wasting time on a really shitty relationship.

Bumpsadaisie · 02/10/2017 22:34

That career you are doing. You feel stressed and bored and unengaged

That's because its not the right thing for you, and you've felt that from day one. Do something different!

And instead of blowing all the money you get for that high flying job to ease your discomfort in doing it, why not save it for a couple of years and then do what you really want to do!

Ah well.

mishfish · 02/10/2017 22:38

Don't rush to settle down. Graduate, focus and then focus some more on that career and settle down when you are well and truest ready

Education never ends- constantly be looking for your next course to engage your brain

Mulch · 02/10/2017 22:42

You dont like clubs or bars hence you drink to make them enjoyable. Dont bother and develop hobbies instead.

Save save save

Don't stay in jobs you hate

Fishface77 · 02/10/2017 23:22

Go out.
Enjoy yourself
Do not marry young
Travel
Have lots and lots and lots of (safe) sex with anybody and everybody
Enjoy yourself. Learn your worth
Never "settle"

ChickenVindaloo2 · 02/10/2017 23:35

Address your drinking before it wrecks your life.
Dont take out a credit card
With men, if he seems too good to be true, hes probably a raving narc/psychopath.
Read MN relationship boards before moving in/getting engaged.

Andcake · 03/10/2017 20:59

Al those people who say you can have children late into your 30s and 40s - ignore them. Your body doesn't work like that.
You can do the career thing and travel thing ( and I did) but nothing will make you happier than ds.. The pain of 4 years of infertility and then no 2nd child cannot be balanced by a high salary, the inca trail or being a ceo.
The pain is endless and unbearable.

NextIndia · 03/10/2017 21:13

You are fabulous! Don’t settle down yet. Keep having adventures. Travel and don’t get into debt!

Myrobalanna · 03/10/2017 21:22

Travel as much as you can

People who are quirky, funny, but a bit shitty or needy - well, ten years down the line you'll forget they were ever funny and wonder why you bothered at all. (Guess who's got a lot of people muted on Facebook :grin: )

Get into an exercise habit, stay trim - not for vanity but because it does begin to creep up on you, just as everyone says. Being smaller isn't about taking up less space or anything reactionary and unfeminist: it feels better not to be bigger and it makes exercise and shopping and just getting around easier in your forties and onwards.

Learn to cook properly, you;ve got the time now.

Don't wang on to older people about books and films and comedians, they probably don't care all that much as they've undergone a shift that you can't imagine will ever happen to you - but it well might.

Don't choose a man (if men are for you) who isn't a feminist. You will regret it.

DeadGood · 03/10/2017 21:28

Get a free app and start tracking your periods now. By the time you start thinking about having kids, you will have loads of data to refer to - but you will also start to understand your body and hormones. This will become useful as you get older.

Don't leave kids tooooo late. Start thinking about it as your 30s come into view.

Take your moisturiser down to your chest.

Stay out of the sun.

Don't take up smoking. It's not cute when you get into your 30s and a 40 year old smoking is a bad look.

Make time for your parents. They won't be around forever - they could be gone tomorrow.

LastNightMyWifeHooveredMyHead · 03/10/2017 21:47

A year really isn't a long time - it'll pass in a flash.

Retrain (see above comment)

You don't have to move 3500 miles away to solve your issues with your mother Confused (but it will help Grin)

Poshindevon · 03/10/2017 21:56

Work hard,
Dont give up your career for a man
See the world
Dont get pregnant wait until your older.
Live love laugh and be happy

Misspilly88 · 03/10/2017 21:59

It was about 25 when I realised that 'proper' adults don't have all the answers. We are all guessing!
I'd tell myself that I'm worthwhile, to love who I am. If people like you, great, if they don't, move on. There are plenty of potential friends out there. Don't worry about men. There's time yet.

IJustLostTheGame · 03/10/2017 22:02

He isn't worth it. Nobody is worth giving that much up for.
Do things for you.
Try EVERYTHING. You live once.
No regrets
Don't smoke.
Travel travel travel
Keep learning

JoffreyBaratheon · 03/10/2017 22:04

Buy your council house! You ca pay £5000 for it and in thirty years it will be worth a quarter of a million. No, really! Honestly!

PickAChew · 03/10/2017 22:12

That 22 year old passionate man who feels things strongly and occasionally punches walls won't really have moved on at 32, by which point he'll be running up even more debts than he had when you met as students, drinking until he pukes and shits himself, still constantly bending your ears about all the same old things he feels strongly and leaving you to fix the things he has smashed holes in while he wallows in his strong feelings. Don't waste your 20s with him.

nigelsbigface · 04/10/2017 12:12

Don't worry too much about 'can I afford it?' On the face of that that seems bad advice-obviously be sensible and don't go crazy...but if you can say yes to something fun, then do it. You can save later, you don't get this time back...this so the time to do stuff that's out of your comfort zone, that will stretch you, that will let you find out who you are.
And you aren't tired (unless you are ill)...this is the time to go to work hard and play hard.
And don't worry about settling down, have fun, don't settle, don't tie yourself to someone you aren't sure about...
Plus you look great. You might not think you do, but you do...you probably won't look half this good again so own it.

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