3 year olds aren't usually this stubborn are they?! DD is so lazy!

[BellyBean]

Honestly, DD 3.5 won't do anything I ask her to do unless there's an incentive (positive or negative). I'm convinced her idea of a perfect week would be to play naked in the house all day long.

The amount of times I've had to struggle to get us out the house to do something she loves, because as soon as I mention hair, clothes or shoes there's outright refusal or 'I can't do it' when she can when she rarely wants. I'm still dressing her and putting her shoes on most of the time or we'd never go out. Don't get me started on walking anywhere once we are out...

I end up using an episode of TV as a bargaining chip, or you can't do x til you've done y. It seems a slippery slope.

Nursery describe her as particularly strong-willed. Is it just her, something I'm doing or is this normal?

Forget the dressing stuff just do it. They all come to things at different times... Potty training dressing... Dd 1 age 10 has only just worked out how-to properly brush her hair and use her fingers to get knots out. Dd 2, has been really good at brushing her hair since very young. Dd1 was Potty trained in her own time T her pace by 3.5 in two weeks, no chasing round with Potty... Dd2 was just over four.

If she lets you put her clothes on without a fight just continue, choose your battles.

Either you've got my daughter or they're all like this. Honestly, everything you've said there is EXACTLY my DD, only difference is she's 2 months younger.

Let's hope its a phase!

It's a phase and it's not being lazy at all. It's not understanding or having concepts yet

Try reading Janet Lansbury's blog or her book No Bad Children. It really helped when DS hit 3 and became very stubborn.

My DS 3.5 is exactly the same,

We don't use bribes, we use incentives - y'know like they call them in business... 🤣 Stops some people getting on their high horses about it...

My 3 year old DD is the exact same.

We make it into a game and it is then done without a fuss.

Eg, lets see who can get dressed the fastest/ get strapped in the fastest etc

Makes for an easier life, especially when she is tired and cranky.

Although i do agree that sometimes they still want to be babied, my DD loves me to hold her close and sing to her/ play with her hair like i used to do when she was tiny. This is usually when she is feeling under the weather/ overwhelmed with stuff (nursery etc)

I get 'Mum you are soooooo bossy, all you say is do this, do that!'

Mines very competitive fortunately, so saying "lets have a race to see who can put their shoes on" usually works, or at bed time "I bet you can't have taken your clothes of by the time I come back with your milk... oh no you beat me, oh well I bet I can get your toothbrush from downstairs before you put your nighttime pants on". This is fine SO LONG AS I don't forget/not realize we were racing and accidentally win. Then all hell breaks lose :(

Flop

My 5 year old DD2 still likes that. She likes to race mummy lol. She mostly dresses herself but I help her with zips and buttons if needed.

I think you can continue to dress a 3 year old and just pick your battles. She’ll get there.

Everything is a competition here. Usually to be the first/quickest but also to guess how big a wee she can do. Seems fairly effective as a strategy and allows me to eat the chocolate buttons.

You do know that this stage is the training session you need for when they get to teenagers ? Only it's not until they've left home and you look back do you realise it. Plus the knowledge that you could retrain as an arch negotiator

My 3.5 year old will only wear one pair of shorts. Over the summer it was the same vest, shorts and pants which I had to wash every night otherwise an hours meltdown about getting dressed no matter who was doing it! We are trying to expand to another pair of shorts and possibly jogging bottoms at some point (preferably before there is snow on the ground). I have an older one so know to pick my battles!!!

My DS same age hates dressing himself but he is getting there slowly.

So glad it's normal! Commiserations to all those in the same boat!

Today was better, helped her with leggings then asked if she would like to put on the left sock or right sock herself which went well.

Sadly can't threaten late to school, the only one she makes late is me...

Tell me, is it normal to hate walking, even when it's a lovely reasonably short walk round a lake? End up doing races, distraction, maybe there'll be ducks round the next bend etc, but "I'm too tired" quickly arises.

1. i think 3.5 is precisely the difficult age when kids often do want to play in the nude all day at home, so no surprises.

1. i'm not sure it is fair to expect a child of that age to dress herself.

1. have you tried not making her do things she doesn't want to do?

Yes that’s entirely normal, OP, both my DDs used to want to be carried at that age. My 5 year old still does occasionally ask. You just need to be firm.

But of course sometimes she really will be tired. We still used the stroller sometimes when DD2 was that age.

My seven and ten year olds would still happily spend all day lazing around in their pants. It's been a bloody long phase!

I see you have been in our house.
We use rules (We do this before this) and descriptive praise (see the book Calmer Happier Easier Parenting), which helps.

kimmy I try to be mindful of her preferences where appropriate. But using the toilet, brushing her teeth e.g. is non-negotiable. I took her out of nursery on Thursday so she could chill before a busy weekend as she did seem particularly tired. Asked her if she wanted a friend to visit and go to the park and she did, so by 3pm she therefore needed to get dressed. There's always going to be something.

DD hates walking around shops etc but will happily walk for hours when out with my sisters dogs.

She used to complain about the 10/15 minute walk to nursery but we got her a balance bike for her birthday and she zooms around quite happily now.

drspouse I'll definitely check that book. The use of "good girl" is a pet hate of mine. Not broached that one with mil though!

I've recently started a small FB group to discuss it if you're interested.

I’m with Believeitornot, I say it’s time to do x and if there’s reluctance I say are you going to do it like a big girl or will I do it for you? My dd is all about independence so I rarely have to do it for her.

I’ve also stopped saying “let’s do x” or “shall we do y” it just invites a no and saying “let’s do...” always gets interpreted as “mummy will do...”. It sounds harsh but I tell my dcs what is happening, they need direction and I’m there to give it.

I am fun too! I just went through all the tantrums and resistance with ds and I was not going to do it again with dd.