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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of a wwyd really I suppose

33 replies

mummyrabbitpeppapig · 02/10/2017 16:19

Go out with good friend roughly every three weeks or so - usually local ( around an 8 mile round trip) I seem to be the one who always drives ( going to hers means around a two mile detour ( four mile round trip ). Right at the beginning she used to offer to pay for half my meal or cinema ticket or parking ). For months she hasn't offered once. I didn't mind at first but now it's starting to niggle me. Feels a bit awkward and I don't want it to affect our friendship. So, wwyd?

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 02/10/2017 16:23

I'd be putting cinema trips in hold.

She may well be having money problems, but if I was in that situation I'd explain and say I won't be going to cinema until my finances were straight and suggest coming round for a drink instead.

Course, you may have a CF on your hands who is trying it on

FrogsAreMean · 02/10/2017 16:27

If she was my "good friend" I wouldn't expect her to reimburse me for giving her a lift.

Ohyesiam · 02/10/2017 16:30

AsK her to drive next time.

pinkdelight · 02/10/2017 16:31

8 miles isn't a big deal. Is there any reason she doesn't ever drive? Have you asked her to? I'd do that rather than stewing or expecting her to pay for something, seeing as you presumably want to go to the cinema or have dinner i wouldn't expect her to pay for it.

Bringmewineandcake · 02/10/2017 16:32

I don't think she should put money towards your ticket etc, it's not like you're going particularly far. Either get her to drive next time, stop going if it bothers you that much, or let it go.

sizeofalentil · 02/10/2017 16:33

She's probably feeling quite taken advantage of that she's been paying for half your meals, which sounds quite comparable to the price of a cab ride home.

RoganJosh · 02/10/2017 16:35

If the driving bothers you, then tell her you're too tired to drive the next time. Otherwise, I wouldn't worry about the 70p or whatever cost.

Anecdoche · 02/10/2017 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoganJosh · 02/10/2017 16:36

Although she should be paying for half the parking.

Twinkie1 · 02/10/2017 16:36

8 miles. Seriously, are you joking? How much would you like reimbursing?

I reckon it's about £1

PotteringAlong · 02/10/2017 16:37

Paying for half your meal in return for an 8 mile round trip is a lot! You're making a fortune out of her!

BabsGanoush · 02/10/2017 16:43

You are right, a good friend would go halves or treat you , (even occasionally) just as a thank you.

As you are friends I assume you would know if she had money worries so that only leaves the fact she's a CF.

You will need to drop hints. The price of petrol/you can't have a drink/ blah.

My friend lives on the outskirts of town. She collects the rest of us on the way in, however occasionally one of us will drive out of town to collect her and drive back in - thats what friends do.

Original poster
mummyrabbitpeppapig · 02/10/2017 16:47

BabsGanoush- that's my take on it- she didn't volunteer every time just occasionally and it was a nice touch to know she gave it some thought. If it was the other way around I'd offer sometimes too.

OP posts:
WhoPoppedMyBalloon · 02/10/2017 16:50

Sounds like a raw deal for her too - a 2 mile lift is costing her a lot of money.
Just tell her you'd prefer to take turns driving and then go halves on your night out.
I have the opposite problem - a friend gives me a half mile lift to the pub because she does not like arriving by herself (she is driving past my door anyway) and then expects me to buy the round every time. She only has one drink all evening so I pay every time. Now I just say I'll meet her there.

hidinginthenightgarden · 02/10/2017 17:09

Half a meal in exchange for an 8 mile trip seems a bit much. How much is parking? Could she just pay that?

Brittbugs80 · 02/10/2017 17:14

I get 45p a mile at work, so 8 miles would be £3.20.

I wouldn't charge a friend £3.20 to pick up a friend to go to the cinema and drop them home though and wouldn't expect them to offer. If they paid half my dinner or drinks or parking then I'd do the same for them.

I went out for breakfast this morning with a friend and she paid. I paid last time we went out.

Obviously if money is tight then maybe suggest nights in to save, otherwise it's not really worth getting worked up over a few miles.

Birdsgottafly · 02/10/2017 17:15

She has probably paid you up to the end of the year.

She has given you the equivalent of £5 each time? When as said by a pp, it must cost you £1-2.

Birdsgottafly · 02/10/2017 17:17

"I get 45p a mile at work, so 8 miles would be £3.20."

The OP only does 4 miles, to pick up her friend, so it's £1.60.

OP why do you think you've had a bad deal?

Witsender · 02/10/2017 17:21

Seriously, at that distance she barely owed you anything. I would offer parking but not half a cinema or meal.

But why don't you just say "would you mind driving this time? Feel like a change."

But I wouldn't get hung up on this, it is literally pennies.

Original poster
mummyrabbitpeppapig · 02/10/2017 17:24

I don't think people have understood my post. I didn't say I expected her to pay EVERY time - ( it's been over a year ) - I would NEVER expect EVERY SINGLE TIME but, to offer every so often would be a nice gesture.........

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyrabbitpeppapig · 02/10/2017 17:26

NB my other friend offers everytime for the parking - sometimes if I'm strapped for cash I'll accept other times I'll say it's fine AS ITS WHAT GOOD FRIENDS DO

OP posts:
Brittbugs80 · 02/10/2017 17:38

The OP only does 4 miles, to pick up her friend, so it's £1.60

I'd based it on the 8 mile round trip as I thought that included the 4 mile trip to pick friend up.

On £1.60 her friend has probably covered the cost already!

Twinkie1 · 02/10/2017 19:50

GOOD FRIENDS DON'T EXPECT TO HAVE TO GIVE THEIR GOOD FRIENDS ANYTHING FOR SUCH A PATHETICALLY SHORT JOURNEY.

FFS, asking anything for a distance driven in a car that a relatively fit human being can run is an utter piss take.

VioletCharlotte · 02/10/2017 20:00

I would never even think about expecting a good friend of mine to pay me back for giving her a lift. Isn't that what friends are all about? There may well be a time when you need her for something - what goes round, comes round.

Original poster
mummyrabbitpeppapig · 03/10/2017 08:06

Maybe a thank you is too much to ask....

OP posts: