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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this surely isn't my responsibility

106 replies

theonememoryIforget · 02/10/2017 15:48

DH is not working full time due to ill health, so reluctantly I have registered with a supply teaching agency.

One reference has duly been returned without a problem. However, a school I worked at has since seen the Head been dismissed.

The school were awful to work for/at. Anyway the agency can't get a reference so have told me to contact the school. AIBU to think surely this doesn't lie with me?

OP posts:
drspouse · 02/10/2017 16:45

So why would they ignore the agency and respond to me?
Because the agency emailed and you are going to call? (I doubt they called).

Because the agency never worked at the school and you did?

Because the agency didn't know the names of any staff and you do?

Because it isn't the agency's livelihood on the line so the school isn't going to feel as bad about ignoring them?

Original poster
theonememoryIforget · 02/10/2017 16:47

I very genuinely have never once been asked or expected to organise a reference myself. This isn't about me being inept, although I daresay I am, but if we could perhaps hold off on the personal attacks I would be grateful.

I know it feels good to put stupid people in their place. I get that. But I have now been told, I get it, things habe changed amd now teachers sort references themselves, I'm sorry I didn't know this and I am really sorry I have angered so many of you but please can we just stop, now? It honestly is not important,

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 02/10/2017 16:47

Really op the phone call would taken 5/10 minutes. Why are you so reluctant?

LonginesPrime · 02/10/2017 16:48

maybe I am inept, because I'm not picking up a phone and talking to people I don't know demanding they provide a reference for someone they don't know

OP, you don't need to 'demand' the reference, could you not merely ask politely how to go about getting one as PPs have suggested.

I'm not being facetious, but I would say from your posts that either (1) you have some social anxiety and don't like using the phone/asking for help or (2) you don't really want the job.

If it's neither of the above, then I can't help but wonder how you have got to where you are in life without having to solve a simple problem like this. It's quite usual to have to phone up strangers and get them on side to get through life, is it not?

Moanyoldcow · 02/10/2017 16:50

I work at a school. We often get requests for references from people no one is really aware of. But we have employment records and files and can go back as far as necessary and get the information.

I honestly have no idea why you haven't just called the school - 'Hi, I used to work there and am having trouble getting a reference. Please could you put me through to the right person to talk to?'

I expect the supply agency have got an out of date email or something or might even be asking the wrong school - again, there is another school with a very similar name to us and we're always getting their reference requests.

Your lack of willingness is extremely confusing to me.

existentialmoment · 02/10/2017 16:51

I'm not trying to be mean, but come on. You want to get some work, but you won;t do the simplest most basic thing required of you. It is not a strange request or a big ask. It's not something to complain about online.
It's a phone call, that's all. My guess is that you really do not want to work at all.

TieGrr · 02/10/2017 16:51

So why would they ignore the agency and respond to me?

You're a person, not a company, and you have a connection to the school, even if you don't know the person you're speaking to personally.

beesandknees · 02/10/2017 16:51

OP: "I need a job, the agency needs a reference for me, they called a school I used to work at and they didn't give a reference, AIBU not to call the school myself and try to get a reference"

MN: "Why would you NOT call the school and try yourself?"

OP: "Because the agency already tried"

MN: "But why not try yourself as well?"

OP: "Never mind it doesn't matter"

I wish I felt this sort of a lack of urgency about taking charge of my own life. Folk like this tend to find some other person to do things for them, without fail.

Stupid me, always taking accountability for things like my own employment

Original poster
theonememoryIforget · 02/10/2017 16:52

Yes I thibk perhaps you are all correct i have acknowledged it. Please can ee stop now

OP posts:
Guardsman18 · 02/10/2017 16:53

FWIW, when an agency couldn't get hold of whoever reference for me, they asked me to supply another one. Would that be possible?

PurpleMinionMummy · 02/10/2017 16:54

There's an issue. You are the one who can resolve it the quickest. Anyone who has an issue with a referee would be asked to speak to them or provide a different one. It's not, new or different, it's more that you appear to not want to resolve the situation.

Original poster
theonememoryIforget · 02/10/2017 16:55

Really, can we leave it? Thank you for your replies.

OP posts:
Miserylovescompany2 · 02/10/2017 17:02

Look on their website - contact them via email

graceadlerdesigns · 02/10/2017 17:07

I think the whole "they don't know me" thing is confusing you Op. It might've that in previous references you have obtained the referee knows you very well but as you can see from all these replies it is very common to have a reference from an old employer where no one knows you Staff change, people move on. Spne people eork atguge firms with 1000's of people and hr wont know each and every one of them?! I have supplied references for people who used to work at my employer and left years before I started. They will look up your hr files and simply confirm the dated you did the role and the job title you had . I hope the helps explain what seems to be baffling you?

graceadlerdesigns · 02/10/2017 17:08

Sorry just cross posted. Sorry Op. Hope it all gets resolved and your dh is ok.

RamblingFar · 02/10/2017 17:21

The problem may also be that a reference that just says you worked there is not enough. For teaching they often demand a reference from someone who has observed your teaching at the school.

I had problems when my former school went into special measures. I'd already left, but I couldn't get a TEACHER reference from the school. It had to be written by my head or deputy head, who had observed me teach, and they had left in the meantime. Eventually I got round it by using a different supply agency that was happy to accept a reference from the phase leader instead.

I've also lost out on teaching jobs because the first school I worked for in 2009 won't give me a proper reference as the current head only joined 3 weeks before I left. I get a reference that says I worked there with no problems, but I can't get one saying she'd recommend me as a teacher as she never observed me teach. The deputy head who did observe me and is happy to write a reference is banned from the school from doing so and is not willing (understandibly) to risk her job. I lost out on jobs that insist on a reference from all my schools I've ever worked for and not my most recent.

If you really can't get one and the supply agency won't budge, then try another agency. Eventually you can get a long-term enough supply position that it's not so much of an issue.

PastryOnMyMind · 02/10/2017 17:24

I recently had a similar issue, found my old manager on Facebook who had also left and he was my reference which they accepted. maybe that would work?

grannytomine · 02/10/2017 17:25

It is normal to contact your old employer first and check they are OK with supplying a reference and who you should name. Doesn't matter that the Head has gone, they will have your details and although they might not be able to say anything very personal, like what a nice person you are or how the children loved you, they will be able to say you were employed between a and b and there are no concerns.

Sometimes schools take ages and nagging them does help.

Slimthistime · 02/10/2017 17:38

OP in the nicest possible way

I note you said you were "reluctant"

have you been out of the workplace for a while? The onus on everyone everywhere now is that it's your responsibility and if an agency or future employer can't get anywhere with a reference, you will have to doggedly pursue it. There's no option to say "I don't know" and I think the reason some posters have voiced their frustration is that now, in 2017, it comes across a bit like a sulky child to say "I don't know" and keep repeating "it doesn't matter". But if you have been out of the workplace 20+ years or something then I can see it might not seem like Kansas anymore so to speak.

Good luck with everything.

Bluntness100 · 02/10/2017 17:57

Can I ask very gently this time, why does it not matter op? Do you not need the job any more?

If you do need the job, then when you call them tomorrow, just be polite, you don’t have to be, and nor should you be, demanding, just be polite and factual.

Is there something else going on Here that you don’t want to do it or is it you don’t need the reference any more?

KinkyFruits · 02/10/2017 18:10

OMG just CALL THE SCHOOL!

And while you're at it, cancel the cheque!

MiaowTheCat · 02/10/2017 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
theonememoryIforget · 02/10/2017 18:29

Thanks miaow i really really appreciate tgat. Thank you.

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 02/10/2017 18:33

Just FYI OP - you can 'hide' the thread if you're finding it upsetting. I've done that before. You can't stop people posting (as is probably pretty clear by now!) but you can ignore them if that's better for you.

isitme88 · 02/10/2017 18:36

Can you ask the deputy for a reference? Or perhaps the head of year?
I didn't get one off my head (as she was awful!) and also had never seen me in the classroom, but my teacher (I'm a TA) promised she would write me a good one.