Or is my husband?

[summerbreeze15]

I travel away with work and often my husband would ask me to pick up stuff for his friends/family ect which I don't mind and always do.
I'm on maternity leave at the moment and one of the guys in my husbands job is away and I asked my husband would he mind asking him to pick up something for me at the airport he was flying out of if he had time. My husband said he wasn't going to ask him and I reminded him of all the times I did favours for him and his friends/family/colleagues over the years bringing home American candy ect. My husband thinks it's different as he's in charge of his colleagues and doesn't want to come across unprofessional but it's ok for me to go out of my way to do stuff as I'm not in a "professional role" sorry that's a bit of a mouthful but I'm just wondering is he being unreasonable by refusing to ask. Obviously the person can say no which I understand. I told my husband I won't be doing him or anyone else he knows favours when I go back to work and he thinks I'm being petty.

Hmm. Double standards, much?! I definitely, definitely would not be getting anyone anything in future.

I understand that he wouldn’t want to blur professional lines by asking a personal favour of a colleague.

If he's the guy's boss, he is right to not ask. Sure, the guy can say no but really, most people wouldn't feel comfortable with that. Especially if it's their superior.

Asking an equal is a different dynamic.

Asking a friend's wife is a little different to asking just a colleague. It would depend on how well they got on personally.

If you were asking HIM it would be fine but you’re not, you’re asking him to ask someone else.

Big difference between you picking something up for your in-laws / husband's friends you and expecting your husband's colleagues / employees to pick something up for you.

I think your husband being the boss is where the difference is. The colleague might feel he isn't able to say no even if he wants too.

Yes it is different. You're husbands friends/family were asking you through him. How would you have felt if your boss were asking you to do it for their friends/family?

Your husband is right. It isn't ok to ask a personal favour of someone who reports to you. Different if the person says "do you want me to pick up anything for you in the US" but not ok to ask them.

Your husband is right.

Your husband is right. His position changes the dynamics.

YABU and your DH is right, he is not a friend or family member and you are not asking DH to get it as you got things, you are asking DH to ask someone else.

Your husband is right. It's not professional.

Sorry but I am with your husband on this one as well.

YABU. Have you ever indicated you didn't want to pick up stuff or that it was inappropriate? If no, that fine then.

Your DH has told you in this situation it's inappropriate. This is a separate situation involving third parties. It's very inappropriate for him to ask a colleague. I bet when it was you getting stuff either you or he offered right? Totally different.

Have you ever picked anything up for this particular colleague?

I'm actually a bit mortified at the thought of him asking UNLESS it's the exact person you brought stuff back for before?

You should never ask favours from someone you need to appraise. It blurs boundaries.

When my DD first went into a Managerial role, she ignored that advice and it came back to bite her.

Tell them ALL to GTF... no more little favours when you return to work.. favours work both ways Lady.. and they have taken the piss..

Bu the OP is bringig stuff back for his colleagues, she said so. how is that different? I would never dream of asking a colleagues wife to bring stuff back for me!

OP were those colleagues whose shopping you did, also below him in the hierarchy?

I think your husband is taking the right line on this in professional terms. I'd say there's a line between asking family and friends (which is fine) and asking colleagues (potentially difficult).

However, I am shocked that he belittles your own travel for work as "not professional". It sounds very... belittling.

An equivalent of what has happened when you picked stuff for people would be
Your DH travelling and a colleague of yours asking you if he could bring X and y.

I think he is rightbthat he can't ask someone working for him because he is putting them in a position here they can't say no.

However, it's worth remembering that when you are asked for a favour, you don't have to say yes either.

I'm assuming that the 'NOT professional role' is about the fact there is no professional relationship between the OP and her DH whereas there is one between her DH and the guy going away travelling for work??

"If he's the guy's boss, he is right to not ask. Sure, the guy can say no but really, most people wouldn't feel comfortable with that. Especially if it's their superior".

^This

Yeah, while I can see the double standard, I think your DH is right purely because he's in a position of authority over the guy. If he was a same level colleague, then no - you would be ok to ask, but he's not, he's a subordinate and I think that's a bit off.

However, you're within your rights to refuse to pick stuff up for any of DH's colleagues after this - just parrot back to him that you don't want to blur professional lines.

But I do think it would be petty to refuse to get stuff for family and friends. Unless of course you've asked them to get stuff for you and they have also refused.