Or is my husband?

[summerbreeze15]

I travel away with work and often my husband would ask me to pick up stuff for his friends/family ect which I don't mind and always do.
I'm on maternity leave at the moment and one of the guys in my husbands job is away and I asked my husband would he mind asking him to pick up something for me at the airport he was flying out of if he had time. My husband said he wasn't going to ask him and I reminded him of all the times I did favours for him and his friends/family/colleagues over the years bringing home American candy ect. My husband thinks it's different as he's in charge of his colleagues and doesn't want to come across unprofessional but it's ok for me to go out of my way to do stuff as I'm not in a "professional role" sorry that's a bit of a mouthful but I'm just wondering is he being unreasonable by refusing to ask. Obviously the person can say no which I understand. I told my husband I won't be doing him or anyone else he knows favours when I go back to work and he thinks I'm being petty.

I'm with your husband too.
If his colleagues had asked you to bring stuff back, that would be different, but you said your DH asked you to bring stuff for his family and friends.

Sorry OP but unless you personally know this chap, your husband is right. Asking a personal favour of a member of staff, when you are in charge of pay and rations etc, is awkward.

You are under no obligation to run errands and do for people though, not if it is inconvenient - nothing petty in saying no if it doesn't suit.

It's not really a double standard because you're not asking HIM to get it, you're asking him to ask his employer.

If he was refusing to get it himself I'd agree with you but as it's not the case I think you're in the wrong for being angry.

Your husband is a rude and disrespectful toad!

He allows randomers and colleagues to ask him to request favours from you........but he won't ask his employee on your behalf?!
I don't know what world some of you lot live on but this is double standards.

I think you've got a bigger issue here, OP.
Namely that your husband has zero respect for you and the role you play in the family.
Does he think you're just 'good little wifey' who's job it is to skivvy around for his benefit?

Stop doing these favours for him.
If people ask you directly then you can decide what boundaries to set with them.

Funny how it's 'professional' when it's a male making the request but 'unprofessional' when it's a female....the toad doesn't even have any professional respect for his wife!

Funny how it's 'professional' when it's a male making the request but 'unprofessional' when it's a female....the toad doesn't even have any professional respect for his wife!

You are confused. It's professional when you have a professional relationship with someone (like someone you manage), and it is not professional when you do not have a professional relationship with (like your wife).
We really don't need the faux sexism here. The man is correct; it's not ok to ask favours of people who may feel like they cannot say no to you.

Your dh is right. If he was the one travelling and you asked him or asked him for your friend even then that's fine but you're asking him to ask a member of staff. Can you not see how it's different?

YABU.

are you forgetting he allowed his employees/colleagues to make requests?

are you forgetting he allowed his employees/colleagues to make requests?

Have you not noticed how that is different?

there is no difference

I travel away with work and often my husband would ask me to pick up stuff......My husband....doesn't want to come across unprofessional but it's ok for me to go out of my way to do stuff as I'm not in a "professional role"

Sexist toad!

if you don't see the difference I hope you don't manage anyone.

Tell your dh you won’t be buying anything from this point forwards.

I'm with you OP.

YABU, it's not appropriate for your DH to ask a subordinate to do this, although it'd be different if they were equals and you'd picked something up for him in the past.

I think neither of you are right or wrong - it varies so much between work places. My current boss and I get on very well, and I have picked up random stuff for him when travelling. My last boss and workplace in general was very corporate and I'd not have felt comfortable at all.

Yabu. Completely different situations.

U to expect your H's junior colleague to do you favours, that involve their time / money.

You doing a favour for H's friend or family memver was different, and your choice.

Thanks for all your replies sorry only replying now. DH works in a small company and whilst he manages the guys he works with he would also go out drinking and even invited them to our wedding. We've had presents from them when DD was born. I've been asked by his colleagues in the past to buy stuff in the US where I would visit frequently for work even going out of my way once to pick up a doll that was sold out so I didn't think there was any difference asking DH to ask one of his colleagues to pick something up for me if he had time and could.

don't forget this Day... and when asked you say NO