To think this is ignorant?

[Monicavinader]

Asked MIL if she could give me the recipe for a dish she cooks well (I share my recipes with her), she agreed and gave it to me - but with key ingredients missing so it wouldn't taste nice. Deliberately - she has past form for doing this. (When she did it before it was years ago and I'd forgotten about it until it happened again. )Don't you think that's really mean? By all means refuse or make an excuse, but to let me waste my time making something that's not going to work..? We've got small kids and work long hours so I particularly begrudge her wasting my time in this way. AIBU to be really irritated. She was due to be coming round for dinner this week and I honestly don't think I can bear to make her a nice meal and be civil to her!

Didn't that happen in Everybody Loves Raymond?

So you know not to ask her again then.

I think I'd make her something for dinner with some special ingredients

That is really really odd...why would she do that? I would make the meal she gave you the recipe for and then make a big thing about it being odd it doesn't taste anything like hers 'gosh, do you think you might have forgotten to write some ingredients down Mil?'

Cherry cheese I was just about to say the same thing!
Op Yanbu. Why bother sharing it at all if she won't tell you the real recipie!

Cherry - knew it sounded familiar.

Are you sure something was missing? Could it not have been wrong measurements? I could share a recipe with someone but I would struggle to tell them how much of what to use.

That's a spiteful thing to do (but don't understand how it's 'ignorant' - that means unaware or unknowledgeable).

Did it? Have never watched it! I absolutely won't ask her for a recipe again! (And I won't share mine!) I knew it was missing ingredients and wouldn't work by looking at the recipe (I'm quite an experienced cook). I would have put it down to it being a mistake had I not remembered she did the same thing years ago.

And, yes, you're right. Spiteful is a better word but you can also use ignorant to mean discourteous or rude.

Depending on how mean and passive aggressive I was feeling I'd be having a quiet sit down with her to talk about her obviously failing memory...

not serious

Make her said dish with missing ingredients and embarrass her by getting the recipe out in front of anyone and telling her she cocked up

If the missing ingredients make the food inedible, I would make it just for her as a thank you for sharing the recipe, while you and DH tuck in to fat, juicy steaks or food of your choice

Do you not get on then?

If not, why bother asking her.

If you DO get on, why would she do this?

Make it for her the way she gave it watch her try to choke it down then produce the recipe all puzzled like....

Do people ask other people for recipes still, I just Google if I want to find out how to make something.

Make her something horrible the next time she visits

Ignorant only means rude or discourteous if you're ignorant of the meaning btw

Ha, I asked MIL for her stuffing recipe years ago, and she insisted on making me a batch "cos I probably wouldn't have all the ingredients in" .
She can be quite sneaky so I just call her out on it every time. My own mother thinks it's hilarious and says she doesn't know how Mil puts up with me...

What was the recipe for? Can you check it against recipes online to see what is missing.

I like the poster who suggested sitting her down to have a serious conversation with her about her 'failing memory'. Act very concerned about it. Produce the recipe she gave you and point out how obvious the missing ingredients are from it, and ask her is she wants you or her son to accompany her to the GP to discuss her memory issues.

I only asked her (rather than Googled) because her version is particularly nice. I'm always flattered if someone asks me for a recipe!

Does she like me? I think so. I'm kind, generous and welcoming etc. but I'm not sure. I find their family dynamics difficult to read/understand at times. And, of course, they do sometimes annoy me - not that I would show it.

Re making the dish without the ingredients. I haven't got the time or energy to go down that road. We're really in the thick of it with small children, moving house etc. I don't think I will invite her over for a week or two, though.

Hmmm, that certainly is passive aggressive, but I can't see what it gains her? Maybe she's feeling that she has to compete with you, as you're obviously a very good cook? Have you said anything to DH about it?

why would she do that?

MIL obviously wants to be the one who makes the amazing food everyone loves. "I gave the recipe to Monicavinader but it's still not as good as mine, I guess I have the magic touch".

She was due to be coming round for dinner this week and I honestly don't think I can bear to make her a nice meal and be civil to her!

Oh my god, you have to make her the meal with the missing ingredients. Tell her you're making it for her coming and you're so excited for her to try it. Then when you all eat it and it's obvious ingredients are missing, ask her why she forgot to write them down. Devious cow. Play her at her own game!

How have you found this out?

DP called to check the recipe with her as we both - independently - thought it looked a bit odd and couldn't se how it would work. She gave herself away.

It's an odd one. She has just a few specialities, I would say, I turn my hand to anything and everything.