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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is ignorant?

71 replies

Monicavinader · 01/10/2017 14:50

Asked MIL if she could give me the recipe for a dish she cooks well (I share my recipes with her), she agreed and gave it to me - but with key ingredients missing so it wouldn't taste nice. Deliberately - she has past form for doing this. (When she did it before it was years ago and I'd forgotten about it until it happened again. )Don't you think that's really mean? By all means refuse or make an excuse, but to let me waste my time making something that's not going to work..? We've got small kids and work long hours so I particularly begrudge her wasting my time in this way. AIBU to be really irritated. She was due to be coming round for dinner this week and I honestly don't think I can bear to make her a nice meal and be civil to her!

OP posts:

eddielizzard · 01/10/2017 15:23

i thought she was coming round this week?

personally i think it's a shitty thing to do. she should just not give you the recipe. i'd tell her you made the recipe but it didn't come out like hers. you had to bin it and waste all the ingredients. is she sure she didn't leave anything out?

mumtri · 01/10/2017 15:24

Tell her you are making toad in the hole and then give her some hole, sorry you forgot the toad

Deathraystare · 01/10/2017 15:31

Deffo cook it for her as "I know it is a favourite and thank you for the recipe but I cannot get it right, so we are having something different!"

Original poster

Monicavinader · 01/10/2017 15:32

Hadn't actually issued the invitation, so to be speak, but she had told DH she wanted to see us and - before this - we were planning to invite her over. I'm not going to for a week or two now. Bugger it.

OP posts:

longestlurkerever · 01/10/2017 15:34

Are you absolutely sure this was deliberate? Seems a bit of a leap to me, even if it's happened before. Couldn't she just be a bit crap at remembering everything?

PandorasXbox · 01/10/2017 15:36

If you knew what was missing why didn't just replace it?

And surely google is easier than asking MIL?

Original poster

Monicavinader · 01/10/2017 15:39

I spotted something quite obvious was missing but would have had no idea how much to add off the top of my head - it was a recipe with a lot of ingredients, all of specific quantities.

Normally I would have Googled it or looked in my own recipe books but I just thought I would ask her - her version is very good and I also think it's a compliment.

OP posts:

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 01/10/2017 15:44

Your dp seriously called his Mum to check she'd given you the correct recipe??
If the missing ingredient was so vital to the recipe that it tasted wrong without it surely it would have been obvious?

ShitOrBust · 01/10/2017 15:44

Yes - make that same meal for her but make a secret better version for yourselves.
Serve only the shit one to her.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 01/10/2017 15:55

It's an odd one. She has just a few specialities, I would say, I turn my hand to anything and everything.

That's it then, she knows that if she hands over the recipes that are HER speciality then you will surpass her in the cooking department and she will be redundant (this really is Everybody Loves Raymond )

She probably thought doing it that way was less confrontational than saying "actually, I'd rather I didn't give you this particular recipe". Of course, it's backfired and now she just looks rather devious and a little silly/territorial.

I'd just laugh it off and not swap recipes any more just look over her shoulder when she's cooking instead

Original poster

Monicavinader · 01/10/2017 15:59

Yes, I suppose it would have been awkward to say she didn't want to share her recipes. But then she shouldn't really ask for mine! Still, I won't ask again and I won't share mine again. My family are open with our recipes so I suppose it doesn't come naturally to me to guard mine!

OP posts:

Goldfishshoals · 01/10/2017 15:59

I've come across people before who refuse to share recipes. They want people to be dependent on them for the experience of a particular meal . I find it odd and a bit needy.

Apple23 · 01/10/2017 16:08

Invite her over for the day and cook together.
She can cook her dish, "Don't worry if you can't remember all the quantities, I've got your recipe here."

Wauden · 01/10/2017 16:13

By not sharing the recipe, that stops it from being passed down the generations.

'Such a shame that we don't have the full list of ingredients so that it can be passed down to your grand child/ren' would be an emotional number if you were arsed to waste your time bothered but then as you say you are busy.

Original poster

Monicavinader · 01/10/2017 16:15

Wauden, this is how I feel. She's very elderly.

OP posts:

SirGawain · 01/10/2017 16:16

Yes, I suppose it would have been awkward to say she didn't want to share her recipes.
What possible reason would person have for not sharing a recipe? It’s not as if it will wear out if over used. Perhaps she is reluctant to admit that it came out of a tin.

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered · 01/10/2017 16:18

You mean arrogant not ignorant

gingerh4ir · 01/10/2017 16:40

I need to know what the dish is and which incredients she has left out!

BeyondThePage · 01/10/2017 16:42

My MIL asks for my recipes and then cooks them every bloody time we go there - they are mine, when done the way I like them.

We eat them at home, because we like them, than we will eat them again the same week, at hers but not quite so nice as she won't have had " exactly the same thing you use, but close enough" (no, no, it really is not!).

My DD loves baking, so MIL brings cakes that she has made to "the same recipe" - but changed slightly because she hasn't got x,y,z arghhhhhhhhhhhh.

No more recipe sharing going on here.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 01/10/2017 16:42

If she's done the bogus recipe thing to you before then it's not a mistake.

It's a way to sabotage her competitor's efforts. She wants to have the title for best chef. It's a bit childish really but I'd think I'd let it go (and never ask for a recipe again).

My dh always tells his mum she makes the best roast and she visibly swells with pride
If he said I made it better she'd probably kill me.

Idontevencareanymore · 01/10/2017 16:44

Oh my. The effort she must have gone to in order to actually tweak the recipe to both include ingredients 😂

I always share my recipes. Makes no bother to me, no plans to publish a cookery book yet so I share the love.

What was it op?

putdownyourphone · 01/10/2017 16:44

It's not ignorant. Wrong word. But she's being mean and spiteful.

Crunchymum · 01/10/2017 16:50

Make it for her next time you have her over. Make it just for her.

Tainbri · 01/10/2017 16:58

I have missed this, but I'm desperate to know what the recipe is for? it sounds to me like she's scared you'll make a better version than her so has kept vital bits of info to herself. My MIL did this for a chocolate cake she makes which is really nice and squidgy, I found out later the "secret" she failed to tell me was the eggs need to be separated and whisked, otherwise it's just a boring old chocolate cake, which of course is what she wanted to happen!!

Nanny0gg · 01/10/2017 17:02

I'd invite her over and use her recipe...

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