Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To think my ex takes the Piss.

42 replies

NachoAddict · 01/10/2017 12:43

My ex sees his daughter (from a previous relationship) at mine eveey Sunday. Her mum won't let him see her anywhere else.

Yesterday we had planned that he could pick up our son and take him to his for a couple of hours while I went food shopping and sorted something important out. However his DD turned up at 10am unannounced and DS told her that Daddy was coming so that scuppered that plan. I could hardly tell her to go home whilst DS went out with their dad so instead he would have to stay at mine with them.
When he turned up he said I could go out to do important thing but I had to come straight back because he didnt feel well. He was at ours for about an hour in all and left the second I got back. He was literally waiting at the front door for me.

So anyway the point is he knows that his DD is at mine, she stayed over as she often does on a weekend. He kmiws that she is waiting to see him. He knows that DS is keen to see him.

AIBU to think that he is taking the piss having a leisurely lie in and not answering his phone while I have to listen to when is daddy coming, have you rang him, what time will he come.

Added to the annoying factor is the man next door wants some stuff from the shop and I am sat here with 3 kids onky one of which is mine (I have my baby niece here too) and if he doesnt hurry up I will have to drag them all to the shop in rain.

Obviously he doesn't know that but he would if he answered his phone.

The man next door is elderly and was exes neighbour from birth so not just a random man.

OP posts:

joopy79 · 01/10/2017 13:03

Yanbu! Does your ex's ex not tell you before dropping off your step daughter? If you didn't know she was coming did your ex?
You sound very kind by the way!

Original poster

NachoAddict · 01/10/2017 13:10

We live a 5 min walk so she just makes her own way round whenever she wants.

Thanks I try to be kind but sometimes think mug would be more accurate.

OP posts:

Original poster

NachoAddict · 01/10/2017 15:01

Well he got here after my last update so after 1 and he is gone already. That is some top class parental ecfort right there.

No sign of my sister to collect her daughter either. Maybe I should start a thread AIBU to think I am a total mug.

OP posts:

LongWavyHair · 01/10/2017 15:22

Are you actually happy with this arrangement? It's very unusual I have to say.

Allthebestnamesareused · 01/10/2017 15:24

How old is the daughter? If she is old enough to walk round on her own she is old enough to go home too. Get ex to call her when he is available.

tell his ex-ex that it doesn't work for you now you are not a couple!

user1486915549 · 01/10/2017 15:25

So he’s your ex , you don’t live together but his ex sends his daughter to your house when he should be having contact time ??
It is nothing to do with you ! Go out or don’t answer the door.
Let them sort themselves out.

SaucyJack · 01/10/2017 15:32

I think you have an ex's-ex problem- unless there's a massive backstory of neglectful parenting.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/10/2017 15:32

YANBU and the whole thing is very weird. How long have you been apart? Does your exes ex know you're no longer together? Why on earth won't she let him see his DD at his or somewhere else?

It's nice to get the DC together sometimes, if it suits everyone involved, but it needs to be organised by your ex at his home or neutral territory e.g. A cafe, park, soft play etc.

I don't want to say you're a mug but you're bending over to accommodate a lot of people who aren't doing anything to help you.

Why?

x2boys · 01/10/2017 15:32

Why can he only see his daughter at your house ?

x2boys · 01/10/2017 15:33

But I suppose it's nice the kids see each other they are siblings after all it's food you acomadate this.

x2boys · 01/10/2017 15:34

Good stupid phone!

ChicRock · 01/10/2017 15:34

Your ex is taking the piss.
Your ex's ex is taking the piss.
And by the sound of it your sister is taking the piss.

Do you have a problem with assertiveness? Because, yes, unfortunately you do sound like you're being taken for a mug.

Original poster

NachoAddict · 01/10/2017 15:44

Sorry to explain more. Ex and I have been seperated about 3 years, he is only allowed to have his daughter here because his own life has been less than stable and she doesnt want him trotting her off to the latest woman he is shacked up with.

Dsd is 9. I don't mind her being here, love having her here but just think he should make more effort than less than two hours.

I think I do have issues with bwing assertive though.

OP posts:

ChicRock · 01/10/2017 15:46

Even with your explanation, your ex's ex is still ripping the piss out of you.

AboutAGallonofDietCoke · 01/10/2017 15:46

I'm soooo confused.... must be (newborn) baby brain! I haven't a clue what's going on despite reading it many times :)

PerspicaciaTick · 01/10/2017 15:51

So you've potentially got another 9 years dealing with this. Sounds like a nightmare.
And your sister is as bad as your ex.

I think you need to have Strong Words with all the adults involved.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 01/10/2017 15:53

Stop offering to have random other children for people!

The arrangement for your ExP's access to his daughter should be between him and his exP, you are no longer part of that so it shouldn't include you. Tell them both to sort it out amongst themselves, this isn't your problem to fix. I'm sure she is a lovely girl, but a lovely girl that is not your responsibility and you need to tell them to sort it out between them - they will sort something if you aren't able to make their lives easier.

Refuse to have your DN again for your sister next time she asks, tell her it's because she takes the piss about picking DN back up again.

Original poster

NachoAddict · 01/10/2017 15:53

Gallon I get confused and I live it.

Ex and I split up 3 years ago. .
I maintain a relationship with his daughter as my son is her brother, same dad.
Ex had a volatile relationship last year and has just moved on with new gf.
While he was homeless last year ex started seeing his daughter at mine with our son.
Dsd mum wants this arrangment to continue rather than meet the latest gf.
I am hapoy for dsd to cone here as much as she wants to but think ex should see the kids for more than two hours.

OP posts:

Notcontent · 01/10/2017 15:54

Yes, I can understand and it's lovely for your dsd and DS to have a continuing relationship. But yes, your ex sounds like a total loser.

KinkyFruits · 01/10/2017 15:58

What did ex say when you told him it was not on for him to show up after lunchtime and leave after less than two hours with his kids?

InvisibleKittenAttack · 01/10/2017 15:59

Oh and think, are you one of those people who hears about other people's problems and thinks it's your duty to help them find a solution? Repeat in your head each time "this isn't my job to fix." just because it makes your exP's life easier to have your exStepDaughter at your house, and makes his exP feel happier, that doesn't mean you are duty bound to make your life harder to make theirs easier.

Just breezy text to your exP "After today,it's no longer working for me to have [DSD] collected from my house. You and [DSD's mother] will have to make new arrangments that don't include me." text to DSD's mother "Just to let you know, it no longer works for me to have [DSD] collected by [exP] from my house. You will have to make different arrangments that don't include me from now on."

You don't have to make alternatives, you don't have to be part of the solution. Just because other people have problems, you don't have to fix them.

Caselgarcia · 01/10/2017 16:00

Could you not get ex to pick up son from yours, daughter from ex and take them out for the day returning at an agreed time?

InvisibleKittenAttack · 01/10/2017 16:01

Sorry and forgot to add, you can arrange for DSD and DS to spend time together if you don't think their dad will bother if you don't make it easy for him. But you don't have to be a drop off point for him just because that's what his exP wants.

He could collect DSD from her mum's house and take her out for the day. He doesn't need you to sort things for him.

Whatsername17 · 01/10/2017 16:02

You have the patience of a saint. Your complaint is basically thst you want your ex to be a parent. I'm sorry thst he is actually a selfish twunt. Those kids are lucky to have you.

verystressedmum · 01/10/2017 16:03

Why do you have to go to the shop for your neighbour? Do you work for him?

Flip

1 2