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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My fucking cats are driving me to breaking point

60 replies

fuckingtwatcats · 30/09/2017 21:19

I don't want to rehome them.

But I do feel at times like they are ruining my life. Exaggeration but it feels like that.

Black cat is incredibly loud, has a yowl that sort of goes through to your insides. He yowls when he wants to come in. Then when he wants to go out. This can be anything up to ten times in an hour. I can't relax and do anything. You can't watch TV or even eat. Won't use a cat flap. Worst of all he thinks five am is time to go out. I am exhausted.

Ginger cat hates black cat. Ginger cat hisses and yowls if black cat goes anywhere near him. Ginger cat also does the in, out, in out trick.

We have had black cat since July and it sounds awful but I so regret getting him.

OP posts:
Olliver27 · 30/09/2017 22:06

I found Pet Remedy brilliant. Plug it in and within a few hours the cats will have calmed down. Lots of toys, catnip spray to encourage play with the toys, and hold the cat flap open with duct tape until he gets used to it. Refuse to pander to his in out demands and if he really persists use a Pet corrector when he's yapping to get out. The noise will soon put him off.

ghostyslovesheets · 30/09/2017 22:07

ah it's just what they do!

I have cat 2 who refuses to stay in at night but then sits on next doors garage roof every morning at 5:30am yowling to come in

Cat 4 likes to head butt your face from 6am onwards to remind you that HE NEEDS FOOD
He also wee's on DD3's stuff - lots

Cat 3 just sheds fur everywhere and tears up the carpets - again normally at 5-6am

Cat 1 is the best because he stays out all they time!

you just get on with it!

LadyOfTheCanyon · 30/09/2017 22:18

I have had cats all my life, so I know of what i speak.

They are solitary, nocturnal, independent animals.

We force them to live together in our houses against their better natures.

I know there are exceptions to this rule, but they are just that - exceptions.

If you have an established cat then the best bet you have to introduce a new cat is one that is younger, and of the opposite sex as it takes some of the sting out of the territory wars for the older cat.

Last in, first out, in your case perhaps?

pinkcandy84 · 30/09/2017 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

numbmum83 · 30/09/2017 22:20

Our cat will scratch the door constantly until you let her in , then she will claw the carpet til you open the lounge door to let her out and if you want her to come in from outside you have to wait til she's ready to come in . She will make you call her and call her , she will hide then once you've shut the door then she will appear and start mieowing to come in !!! She knows she is boss in our house ...
So to the posters who say ignore the 5am call from op cat , if he's anything like ours he wont give in and will just up his tactics. Ours will knock everything off the sides, wind up the dog , claw the curtains , anything to get out ...
I've never known a cat like her and I've had so many.

Never again will I get another cat.
Op I know how you feel !

Danceswithwarthogs · 30/09/2017 22:38

I would agree with hulder

  1. rule out medical reason
  2. seek behavior advice to help cats get along (or at least co-exist) with minimal stress/conflict (you'd be surprised how many pitfalls there are because we think like humans and cats are wired so differently)

I wouldn't have thought feliway etc on it's own would cut it, but may help as part of management strategy.

  1. rehome if none of the above work out and cats are stressed/unhappy.
Doramaybe · 30/09/2017 22:46

Children in some cases do not get the same attention as some cats do. Same goes for doggies too.

But each to their own.

Wolfiefan · 30/09/2017 22:51

How old are these cats?
And YY to they train you. When we got our first cats they would jump on us very early morning to wake us. DH would say he was awake so he may as well get up and feed them and let them out. I would pick them off me and direct them towards the floor! Guess who was stil being bothered 17 years later?! Grin

DaviesMum · 30/09/2017 22:55

I have lost all of my cats within a year of each other, two to old age and one less than a week ago to cancer. Suffice to say that my heart is broken, my life is literally truly a mess, but I would give my soul to have all three back bickering, yowling, pissing and puking than sit another minute in this emptiness.

Cherish these times - I didn't always and my heart is burdened with regret.

Kittykat93 · 30/09/2017 22:58

You must train them both to use the catflap, you can't be doing with the constant opening and closing of doors. Apart from that sorry not much advice but you have my sympathy as it's extremely difficult when dealing with challenging pets !!

pinkcandy84 · 30/09/2017 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomlyGenerated · 30/09/2017 23:00

You could try Zylkene capsules as well - helps to relax stressed cats (worked amazingly well on our grumpy old cat).

pinkcandy84 · 30/09/2017 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 30/09/2017 23:05

The only time our cat comes to me is if there’s no one else or she’s feeling poorly because I can mostly ignore her demands. Plus I only feel her on an evening deliberately. No early morning bollocks.

I agree with the taking to the vets thing just to rule out stuff and then do a steadfast ignore until the message has been received. You’re well trained.

WonderLime · 30/09/2017 23:07

Just to add, we have two 8 year old cats that we got from the same litter (as kittens), and whilst they generally tolerate each other, they would be perfectly happy being an only child cat. They are solitary creatures and it will take a very long time for your old cat to get used to the new one. Preserve, and use feliway as suggested upthread.

As for the yowling, you really do need to ignore it for a week or two. It will be hard, but as soon as you give in you undo any progress. The cat will learn that you won’t respond to his calls.

Flaming · 30/09/2017 23:15

PinkCandy! The absolute truth right there!

I have two ginger Cs (see pinkcandys pics for C reference) and they absolutely HATE each other, despite being from the same litter, one we wanted and the runt that I wouldn’t leave on his own. Now the runt rules the house, he yowls constantly. Mine do use the catflap and they don’t have litter trays as they have a perfectly good flowerbed bit at the bottom of the garden to deface. Nice C is a bit of a pain at night but Runt C is a pain all day/night about absolutely anything. He’s so highly strung I wonder sometimes if he’s the one that has four kids, a job and a business to run Hmm.

Anyway I have no advice, RuntC is looking at me with one eye wondering why I haven’t given him his Sheba, and the other eye is threatening to murder NiceC. Good luck!

kali110 · 01/10/2017 04:42

Op has he recently started to do this?
Is he an elderly cat?

elfinpre · 01/10/2017 04:46

Also, earplugs. The silicone ones are excellent.

Fluffybrain · 01/10/2017 05:11

Not all cats are solitary. We have 4 and I'd say only one completely prefers her company or that of humans. The other 3 get along fine. 2 of them very well. Very brotherly. Always grooming each other, playing, eating together, chilling out next to each other. It's a joy to see. Takes time for them all to get comfortable with each other and claim their favourite spots and territory. Feliway helped. But mostly just time.
One of ours didn't like the cat flap but we shoved him through it a few times with some treats and he started using it. If they're hungry and the yowling isn't rewarded then they'll use it.

Original poster
fuckingtwatcats · 01/10/2017 09:05

Thanks! Off to pah for feliway and treats. Probably overreacting last night but was exhausted and cats doing my nut in. Love em really.

OP posts:
shhhfastasleep · 01/10/2017 09:12

Google Jackson Galaxy. US cat behaviourist with loads of tips on YouTube about multi cat households.

Madeyemoodysmum · 01/10/2017 09:13

This

My fucking cats are driving me to breaking point
BoysofMelody · 01/10/2017 10:04

I'd echo the fact that cats are mostly solitary creatures who don't welcome another cat onto their territory readily. It is stressful for both new and old cats. Do they each have their own food bowls, litter trays and beds? Preferably in seperate rooms? Sharing these exacerbate the problem.

My plan would be 1) vet to rule out any medical cause 2) tape open cat flap for a bit and ignore yowling 3) give it time - let them adapt 4) Felliway plug ins 5) if it doesn't work, consider re-homing the newer and younger cat in both of their interests.

I don't say this to criticise you op as I realise you were acting in good faith, but I really wish people would think about the welfare of their existing cat and think twice when introducing a new animal, especially a cat to their territory. Most cars find this incredibly distressing.

DO3271 · 01/10/2017 10:15

Have you had them both MOT'd at the vets? I had a cat, Charlie, and he would wail at 5am. Turned out he had a skin condition I couldn't see and he wanted outside to cool his body in the early hours.

I feel your pain, kids getting us up early? We can't shift them in ebay. Cats? Feels like self inflicted sadism Wink

tippz · 01/10/2017 10:16

8 weeks isn't long for cats to settle. Took mine about 6 months!

But if it's too much for you, no-one is going to be happy, cats OR humans, so you may need to look into getting kittie rehomed.

Thing is, cats aren't loyal and clingy like dogs, so the cat will settle with someone else real quick. You may need to give advice to whoever you rehome the cat with, that kitty needs to be the only cat though.

What @Ladyofthecanyon and @boysofmelody said make sense too. Cats ARE solitary and independent creatures who often do not like other cats. (Only if they have come from the litter and been together since tiny kittens will they get on well - usually.) The best you can hope for is that they won't tear each others head off, and will just eventually co-exist.

As I said though, I would give it a couple more months at least...