counsellors who are no good at their jobs

[Kim666]

Over the years I have had a few counsellors. My experience is that it's a bit of a myth that there are these wonderful nonjudgmental people out there who just want to help.

I had one who when I mentioned that I'm unemployed she said "As far as I'm concerned, anyone who really wants a job can get one". First of all that's not true, secondly why would she say that?

I know some people will say that all counsellors will be good at their jobs, but they might just not suit you. Some will say that the problem must be with you.

I've heard things about people's experiences of counsellors that make me think there are people doing that job who shouldn't be doing it. A woman who was grieving the loss of a pet was told that she's just being stupid because it's just an animal. The boy who'd been abused who was told several times that when he grew up he would be an abuser too.

I'd like to know other people's experiences. I suspect that articulate middle-class people are less likely to have a problem.

:(
Ive had a few counsellors and therapists who have all been excellent. Im so sorry to hear peoples bad experiences

opheliacat There was no insistence in my post at all. In fact, I think you'll find that I said It is for some people; it certainly was for me.

"For me" and "some people" being the key phrases there.

I actually felt you were insisting it doesn't work at all, which quite frankly, is naive and ridiculous.

My life-changing CBT was with the NHS.

I have had 2 amazing Ines and it depresses me beyond reason that there are shit ones

The damage they do is enormous

I truly believe that for many people decent talking therapy is a life saver

That's why we must refer and recommend the good ones

But you also said in response to my point that counselling wasn't all healing "it is for some people ... and I do believe you won't get that far if you don't put the effort in."

No one needs me to point out how vulnerable many people are at the point of seeking counselling. Counselling can "heal" in a minority of cases, help in many, but it is not a magic bullet that will work if you just put in that effort and 'work' at it. My objection is the sense of shame placed on people when it doesn't work because they haven't engaged or made enough of an effort spent enough money

I think we should have some type of grading system kind of like Amazon reviews

Yes I can see the pitfalls but the damage a bad one can do is shocking

I've had a mixed experience with a counsellor. She sort of took to me and I think projected a previous relationship she had had into me. She said things that made me not trust her and then dumped me because I wouldn't open up to her and was apparently being wilfully blind. She got all that from 6 sessions

opheliacat I know how vulnerable people are when they first access therapy; I've been there. I was a particularly extreme case.

I never said nor even implied that it will work as long as you put the effort in, but if you don't put the effort in and don't fully commit to the exercises and challenges, it definitely won't work.

And it's not about spending money. My life changing CBT was on the NHS. I never spent anything on it.

My counsellor asked me if I thought I was thinking rationally when my opinion differed from her.

Piss off!

My friend refuses to refer anyone to her because she's well known for her lack of empathy. As a counsellor. I mean, really??

I get that WhatToDo but what would have happened if it hadn't worked?

And of course it is about spending money. You personally were not paying, but the sessions were not free.

I get that WhatToDo but what would have happened if it hadn't worked?

My CBT didn't work just out of luck or randomness, it worked because I deliberately placed myself in situations (with the watchful eye of my therapist) I found extremely stressful and anxiety inducing, and physically saw there was nothing to be afraid of.

I had to do those challenges in order to realise that the thought processes behind my anxiety were false.

I could have refused, and my therapist could have spent each and every session explaining the outcomes to me, but I had to place myself in those situations and see the outcomes for themselves.

It worked because I did that. That's how we retrained my brain.

I had a counsellor as a young teen when I was sexually abused. She was the most unsympathetic cow I have ever met. Had a go at me when as she said "I cried too much". Told me if i didn't go back to school I wouldn't have any friends left and then seemed surprised when i didn't want to talk to her. She finally dropped me after four sessions and I couldn't of been happier. Had to deal with it myself after that but it was better than being made to feel more shit by someone.
But of course in every profession there is always good and bad

The coldest, least emotional person I know is a counsellor. I met her a long time ago, professionally, through my job back then. I was absolutely gobsmacked when she told me she's a counsellor, and I'm thoroughly glad that I've never needed the counselling she specialises in. She didn't seem to have any awareness at all that certain traumatic events in the past could have any influence on a person's behaviour in the present/future.

Right! Sp it worked because of you, yes? Because you worked at it? So someone it didn't work for wasn't working hard enough?

Can you not see why this line of thought is so harmful? It places responsibility at the door of vulnerable people. No one would dream of saying to a cancer sufferer that their treatment worked vecause they believed in it!

Agree that there are good and bad, and those who are fine, but might not fit to you.

I've had two lots of counselling. First one was for PND. I told her about a sexual assault I experienced as a teenager, and she basically victim blamed me. Luckily, I had already dealt with that period of my life well enough to been able to pull her up on it, and she apologised.

The second was amazing, and really helped me.

I've also worked with lots of counsellors, and sometimes people are told to go to counselling (often by social workers) and they're just not really ready for it.

opheliacat My particular therapy did, yes. But that was specific to me and not the same in every case.

For those in the same particular situation as I was, if they hadn't have put their all in and jumped in with both feet with those challenges, it absolutely wouldn't have worked.

People do have to take some responsibility. You can't just walk into counselling or therapy and say "fix me" and have them do all the work. You do actually have to put in some effort.

But like I say, all cases are different. Abuse survivors just needing talking therapy will be completely different to someone like me who needed CBT to retrain my brain.

Yanbu.

There is a very popular counselling course at my local FE college, and through my work I know quite a bit about it/the people on it. Honestly it's put me off ever going for counselling myself. No doubt there are some fantastic ones out there, but I think it does tend to attract some very odd people who shouldn't be in the job. I think you can say the same for teachers, police etc-, there will always be people who join because they like the power trip- but you generally aren't in a room on your own with them, making yourself very vulnerable by opening up

I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and have suffered abuse and loss in the past. A past counsellor (whilst it was considered just depression) told me I should never have children because I'll probably end up abusing them. Happy to report that my 3 year old is doing incredibly, I love him with all of my heart and the counsellor was dismissed after several similar complaints. I have also worked with some fantastic counsellors - so it's definitely not everyone.

I think it's training and expectations, too.

I was assigned counselling when I was about 19, at university, and unbeknown to me, the idea was that the counsellor stayed silent and just let you talk. I was quite shy and nervous and I had no idea of this, so I had these absolutely awful sessions where I'd try to find more ways to ask 'so what should we be talking about' or 'I'm sure I'm meant to be talking about something here' and he'd reply with the most vague things ever. I actually found it really upsetting! Looking back I think he was such an idiot not to realise I'd never been briefed on the kind of therapy it was and therefore genuinely didn't get it. At the time I thought I was going mad and I'd end up getting all panicky from sitting there for an hour completely unable to get this man to respond to me in any normal human way.

Really horrible.

The best counselling session I ever remember having the lady kept saying encouraging things eg. - you're doing so well, I'm very pleased with you, you're so brave to talk to me

In any other scenario I'd say that was patronising as hell but here it wasn't iyswim, I felt very safe with her and able to carry on talking . Was all very good.

I have had counselling from an absolutely amazing person who's helped me change the way I think about my life and how I relate to others. She's encouraged me to take more risks, be more confident and assertive in my life. It really helped me to understand why I had unhelpful behaviour patterns and to come to terms with my stately home background. Personally I needled to do this and have my past experiences heard and acknowledged before moving forward, so CBT wouldn't have worked for me. Which proves that it really is horses for courses.

But equally I've had terrible doctors, nurses, hairdressers, teachers, all of whom may be to some extent unsuitable for the role and all of whom nevertheless get paid for it. Why should counsellors be any different, they're just people after all? A dedicated counsellor, who has to pay for supervision and ongoing professional development is also worth the same as the cost of a haircut or a half an hour at an osteopath. I'm not sure why counsellors should do it for free, any more than doctors, dentists, hairdressers or massage therapists. They provide a service that you can choose to pay for or not. Unfortunately you may pay the same for a terrible counsellor, who doesn't keep up with training, and is insufficiently supervised and has not done their own personal therapeutic work. So I would only go by personal recommendation, to a counsellor who belongs to a professional body, such as the BACP. I would also only continue to see someone if you feel that you can develop a solid working relationship with them.
Also it is part of counselling at some stage that you are likely to feel challenged to some extent. It isn't just a listening exercise. You may also be encouraged to see things from differing perspectives. If you are unable to accept this, then it may be that counselling is not for you. That doesn't mean you've failed, or the counsellor has failed necessarily. Just that other approaches to your mental health might work better for you.

This is a reassuring thread.
I had counselling when I was heavily pregnant. I had had a hidden pregnancy so I was 6 months before I knew, I'd left a dodgy possibly abusive relationship and lost my job. That with a history of depression suggested a PND risk so my mum very kindly offered to pay for counselling, bonkers money, more than my weekly benefits.
The counsellor thought it was a great idea because when I had a new born I'd have lots of time by myself, inside and that would be the ideal to work on myself. She advised focussing on spending as much time just me and baby so I could find myself. She said I'd know how well it worked because if I was happy the baby wouldn't cry. Thank god I didn't have PND.

Fucking hell @Nonibaloni - that's so shocking!! So sorry you went through that

Bloody hell nonibaloni :( that's awful. So glad you were able to see past her bullshit.

I'm going to challenge my new counsellor next session for being extremely judgemental last session. I'm sick of opening up to these people and having them behave innappropriately.

For the record, I am more than happy to 'explore the process' and 'commit' but I (and we all) deserve to do it with someone properly skilled.

eggsellent thanks for the info re the practice hours. That is the situation I expected.

The thing is 100 hours is not much really, only a few weeks or months and it is the training and assessment of how to conduct the sessions that seems to be severely lacking. The standards set are just not high enough for something that can do real damage to people.