counsellors who are no good at their jobs

[Kim666]

Over the years I have had a few counsellors. My experience is that it's a bit of a myth that there are these wonderful nonjudgmental people out there who just want to help.

I had one who when I mentioned that I'm unemployed she said "As far as I'm concerned, anyone who really wants a job can get one". First of all that's not true, secondly why would she say that?

I know some people will say that all counsellors will be good at their jobs, but they might just not suit you. Some will say that the problem must be with you.

I've heard things about people's experiences of counsellors that make me think there are people doing that job who shouldn't be doing it. A woman who was grieving the loss of a pet was told that she's just being stupid because it's just an animal. The boy who'd been abused who was told several times that when he grew up he would be an abuser too.

I'd like to know other people's experiences. I suspect that articulate middle-class people are less likely to have a problem.

I have a friend who is the least empathetic person you're ever likely to meet; were taking ZERO empathy, ZERO compassion.

She was a counsellor for many years.

She once complained to me that a client had the gall to ask her for a tissue when she'd been crying

I have another friend who's a counsellor and she's BANGING by all accounts, so there are good ones out there.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 , the insistence that because it worked for you and the inference that, therefore, it will work on pretty much everybody (as long as they put the effort in, of course) is obviously pretty misguided at best. I'd take it a step further and say deluded.

That is not to say counselling is never helpful, but the automatic response to any given problem - the indovidual "needs counselling" or following a traumatic event "counselling has been offered" - should (imo) be substituted for "professional support may be needed." Ultimately, that is what people are saying, but counsellors are not always professional and even when they are, not always helpful. It is also possible that someine who benefits from, say, bereavement counselling, might need help with PND years down the line and find it neutral or negative. Just as different ADs work at different times on different people.

MH services in this country are dire, and where there is desperation, there is money to be made. Normally, MN is good at pointing this out. I know myself, you don't get much more desperate than wanting your life to end - and someone can help you, for £50 a time, of course.

YANBU. It's always the most expensive counsellors that have been the worst in my experience. One at The Priory basically told me all about her other patients who were much worse than me...basically 'you aren't that ill, why are you complaining!'. I had another who told me I must be on drugs, as I explained to him (what I now know to be) some really bog standard symptoms of anxiety.

But my last CBT counsellor was amazing. Young guy who was really passionate, really into his work. He helped me so much...I do think it's like any profession. You just need to find the ones who are passionate about it.

The most mentally unstable person I know is a counsellor. She also has profound addiction issues that she has not confronted in her own therapy.

What if you can't afford that

What if it still just doesn't work

I'm not trying to be an arse, by the way. I just hate the idea that an hour a week with a counsellor will somehow undo years of abuse. In many cases it just won't and we have to be realistic about this.

Years ago at a dinner party, host explains that we're waiting for one of the guest to arrive who'd been held up at work. Eventually this woman rushes in all busy and flustered apologising profusely for her lateness and explains that she had a client with a lot of problems that she felt she needed to spend extra time with. She then proceeds to go into great detail and at great length exactly what this poor woman's problems were; rather felt she wasn't really suited to counselling.

Knew someone else who did 'healing' who used to bang on about what a fantastic counselor she would be as she was always so good at giving people advice, also not great counselor material.

I suspect there's a fair amount of them that do it for the wrong reasons.

I think the thing is they're people, and so of course they're not all good, and even the good ones aren't good at everything. I'm seeing a counsellor at the moment and she's generally great, but I had a funny moment with her when I said I didn't think I wanted to consider adoption and she started (I thought quite inappropriately) telling me that it was important for me to not be so 'rigid' in quite a cross tone. I ended up giving her a mini-lecture on the problems of the adoption system... I really felt she reacted oddly strongly (to the point where I later wondered whether she was or had adopted), but it's the only time she's done that with anything, and I guess we're human and all have buttons that can be pushed.

The huge issue is that any twat can call themselves a counsellor. It's not regulated.
Even "NHS counsellors" can be MH nurses rather than counsellors. Or psychologists can counsel but not have counselling qualifications.
It's really awful how much trust is put into people who can take advantage of it.
If you are receiving counselling you have every right to ask about the persons qualifications- a diploma in counselling is the minimum three should have and their course should be BACP accredited even if they themselves aren't (counsellors in an agency often don't waste the money getting personal accreditation)...

Even if the counsellor is qualified, even if he or she is pleasant, professional and kind, the counselling process may not work.

This is something most counsellors will not state, IME. They will admit there are some bad eggs, but the process itself, with the right person, WILL work. Won't it?

My brother and cousin are counsellors. I love them, but they're not counsellor material. Too much of their own baggage that they will not deal with. But they're men, personable and can say the right thing knowledgeably. So they get by. They're not unkind. Just in wrong job. I also find counsellors often think women are silly/over-reacting re emotional abuse situations ie victims of narcissists.

I've a friend who is a debt counsellor. She once said to a client "you get tax credits!why on Earth are you in debt?' Without even listening fully to the story. & couldn't understand why this woman burst into floods of tears and couldn't stop for ages. Said friend is very judgmental and won't accept there are a myriad of reasons for people getting into money problems. She is also very smug. So our contact is minimal. Yet she has a relationship with an almost 60 year old who 'isnt ready to live together or get married' so I guess she takes out her angst on others.

How much does she charge for her debt counselling service, I wonder!

NC for this. I have encountered far too many terrible counsellors sadly.

A little while ago I was legitimately worried about something serious and almost completely beyond my control and and expressed to someone who is a counsellor that I really hoped it would work out. She said to me "well if you want it to be OK then I'm sure it will be". I looked at her thinging WTF? As if wanting is all it takes to get the result we want!

She could have said, "good luck, fingers crossed, hope so" but she did actually, seriously mean what she said and started to back it up with other trite comments.

A previous time she had commented when I had, in private, been a little stressed and upset (about the very serious issue) that I needed to "be careful of the energy I put out there" and not be too negative or it would affect other people. Jeez, talk about victim blaming. I wasn't going around crying or being awful to people - I just expressed in private the depth of my concern and showed some emotion to someone who went out of their way to ask me what was wrong.

She is sadly another one of those peddlars of glib, irrational optimism who have little understanding of real and serious problems or how the real world actually works.

I have seen one counsellor who was good though - but sadly she moved areas.

I think the training is totally inadequate. It is one thing to write essays, but much, much more attention needs to be paid to practical application and manner of speaking to clients.

They should also be regularly tested anonymously I think - like mystery shopping to see how they conduct themsleves once they are left to their own devices (and their old habits and prejudces begin to slip out). As far as I know, there is nothing that assesses their competence and attitude in real life conditions once they have qualified. I think this is very risky for people who can be very vulnerable (who should be referred for proper MH treatment but instead get sent to undereducated counsellors).

See I just don't know how much is about training. It seems to me to be more about personality. The problem is that counsellors will almost all have had counselling.

opheliacat she worked for CAB so clients didn't pay, I assume. Just as well I suppose. Awful.

Plenty of terrible counsellors. I've supervised a couple.

However I think the more counselling they themselves have had the better they usually are. What I'm really critical of is courses where counselling is not compulsory.

I'm a counsellor and I agree with a lot of the comments on here but just to respond to hippocrit in order to gain a qualification that enables you to work with clients you have to do 100 hours practice as well as the academic work.

I've seen some awful counsellors myself but I think that as with everything sometimes people just don't click, these ones had great reviews on their websites so some people obviously found them helpful.

I know what you mean opheliacat I think the training should 'catch' unsuitable people/ personalities though and fail them!

My counsellor now is fantastic.
But when I had PND after DD was born I saw a counsellor who told me I had a nice house,a husband and a baby - what did I have to be depressed about?

‘Even "NHS counsellors" can be MH nurses rather than counsellors’

Isadora - you can be a MH nurse with counselling qualifications too, I certainly was.

eggsellent is the 100 hours practice all carried out under constant supervision? If not, it should be. And under secret supervision/ spot checks.

It is very under regualted/ accountable for something that can deal with vulnerable people - and cna be used as a 'hoop' that must be jumped thorugh, before gaining access to proper MH care and the counsellors opinion can carry weight with a GP for example.

There has to be something wrong with the training/ qualification system otherwise there wouldn't be so many unsuitable people doing it.

to everyone who has been hurt by a shitty counsellor. No one needs to be kicked when you are already down :(

People have different experiences of counselling. I knew somebody who told me her counsellor was useless. Problems with cheating partner and special needs child, other family problems and all the counsellor kept saying was how do you feel about that and the person having the counselling could have throttled her. (Actually I think it might have been a him) But it's up to the counsellor to try different approaches. As one thing doesn't work for everybody.

Sadly this thread doesn’t surprise me. I worked in a university wihich had a counselling course. It was woeful. Not BACP endorsed; the tutors behaved unethically themselves; students often had significant issues themselves.
I worked in student support services and, had it been down to us, the course would have been closed down. When we gathered stats a huge number of the complaints and course issues came from this course - literally double any other course, including those with twice as many students on them. The Uni wouldn’t close the course as it was bums on seats.
IMO there should be much more care taken in the students universities recruit on to these sort of courses.

One of the rape crisis counsellors I saw told me that we needed to work out why I put myself in a dangerous position and how I could make sure it doesn't happen again focus was basically on how to not get myself raped....

Hippocrit not supervised as in someone physically sitting in the room with you while you counsel but students have to report back to their supervisor (all counsellors have supervision sessions but students have more) iirc it was an hour's supervision for every 4 hours with clients. It's a difficult one because there are probably very few people who would feel comfortable talking about personal matters in front of 2 people and the services that take on students are usually free or low cost so they would then have to pay the supervisor. I think the secret shopper idea is brilliant though. Sorry you had a bad experience.