Holiday reviews

[TheSnowFairy]

DH and I were online looking at holidays last night. We check overall TripAdvisor ratings, then look at the terrible reviews to see what people really dislike.

Quote (one star rating): "This is the third Time I Have stayed at this hotel and is has not improved"

Is this the eternal optimist?!

My favourite one ever was a couple who booked a twin room as they were committed Christians and waiting till marriage to do the sex. But unfortunately they were given a double bed and now the woman is pregnant. So they're blaming the resort.

We stayed in a lovely hotel close to a large church, we saw a TripAdvisor review complaining about the chimes from the bells....as if the hotel could silence them?!

We've just come back from holiday. While we were there DH and I commented on how peaceful it was, that there were very, very few children and the ones who were there were preschoolers.

Someone reviewed the hotel during our holiday, saying they were there at the moment and they couldn't cope with all the unruly children taking over the pool and running up and down the corridors all night.

It's not just the bizarre negative reviews. Some of the positive reviews are also mind boggling.

We stayed at a hotel in Malta with amazing trip advisor reviews. In particular, everyone raved about the breakfast. Apparently it was the most amazing breakfast anyone could ever have. It most definitely was not. It was like the breakfast buffet in a cheap motorway service station hotel, except that you'd have managed to get a cup of coffee in the motorway service station hotel.

The thing is, the breakfast was super expensive (but included in our room rate). Loads of the reviews claimed to be from locals all delighted to pay £25 each for a hotel buffet breakfast. They must all have been fake.

I always read the negative reviews before the positive.

My favourites have been,

"It rained for 4 days" - I mean the hotels on climate system must have broken!

"Iguana tried to bite my child whilst he was stroking it" - this was a stunning hotel in Mexico with a lot of wildlife, monkeys, iguanas and the like roaming about naturally there. Don't let your child try and pet a wild animal! This was more than 1 review!

"TV didn't have British channels" - well you not in England and if your worried about watching TV stay at home!

And this one, see if you can guess what they are complaining about...

'Been in it nearly 30 time every time guest come from abroad need to either redo it or add some new experience'

Yep, that's right.

The London Eye. Because they can add views, obviously

Or maybe they are just bored after going on it 30 times?! Do something else!

I was a holiday rep and believe me people complain about the stupid things.

One guest complained about the sea view that not only had they not paid for (hotel had nicely let them have one as It was quiet), but the problem was that a palm tree was blocking half of it,and they wanted to know what I was going to do about it.

Too many Germans was a constant one in all inclusive hotels.

The sand wasn't white enough.

One family complained that as no lifeguard was on duty at the pool they couldn't relax and have a sleep as they had to keep an eye on the children in the pool.

Beans not being Heinz at breakfast.

Cleaner not coming on a sunday

In October it rained and the weather forecast said it would be sunny.

I could go on...

I once went to a hotel in Thailand which I booked because of its very good tripadvisor rating. When I got there, the hotel was just ok, but I couldn't see why it got rave reviews until I noticed a sign in the room encouraging travellers to leave a 5* tripadvisor review!!

My tip is to read the reviews in other languages using google translate. I find other nationalities have quite different views to the brits (and seem to moan less!) so gives a better overall picture of the hotel!

Booking our holiday last year someone had given the (lovely) hotel a bad review because he had fallen out with his travel companion so didn't enjoy the trip at all.

We're going away to Spain at half-term and I was reading TA reviews about the hotel last night.

Loads of 1* reviews given as the entertainment is in Spanish and not English, the food is catered to the Spanish diet and not the English, etc etc.

Like others have said, these are positives to me and why we go to Spain. And if those reviews deter dickheads from staying at the hotel then that's a major positive!

They can't win with food, can they?

Complaints are it's either rubbish English food for those who want to be more adventurous, or crap foreign muck for those who want more familiar food!

Or if a buffet to try and please everyone - it's a cattle market

I really enjoy reading the reviews of a hotel once I'm back from my holiday to see what people are complaining about and more times than not they must be making it up or they actually stayed at a completely different hotel!

'I have just found a review called "my mom died in this hotel"
She had a heart attack due to the lack of air conditioning.

Oh my, that reminds me of a classic bit of negative eBay feedback: "Bought item for my cousin with cancer. Item didn't arrive and my cousin died."

It wasn't for any medical equipment or anything like that. I think it was a CD.

The review read "It was as if Jeremy Kyle bought a hotel"

This is fantastic. I'm going to use this one. Love a bit of judging people watching, me

Me and DH love mad holiday reviews.

My favourite was someone who was complaining about the number of steps from their table to the buffet, and counted the number of steps they had been forced to take in the course of the week. It was some pathetically small amount. The entire island was less than a mile round and he was complaining about a few steps at meal times.

Someone also complained about locals daring to use the beach.