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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want DD's name and picture on the school website?

71 replies

Supermagicsmile · 29/09/2017 20:37

We signed a permission form at the start of the school year for photos to be used on the school website on the understanding that their names would not be used beside any photo.
Dd has been chosen for the school council and her picture and full name are on the front page of the website along with the others. Very clear who is who.

AIBU to not be happy about this?!

I have asked for it to be removed but I doubt they will see the email before Monday now.

OP posts:

Lindy2 · 30/09/2017 10:23

You can ask for them to take it down and I'm sure they will.
What dreadful thing do you think is instantainiously going to happen though by her picture and name being on a school website? Why does that make her less safe than not having her picture on there? I'm assuming she is surrounded at school by people who know what she looks like, what her name is and probably where she lives, without yhis causing great risk.
Unless there is a specific reason that it would cause a problem, this fear of people knowing our children's names baffles me.
My children would be proud to be on the school website. So would I be.

TeenTimesTwo · 30/09/2017 10:40

all Lindy

Child protection reasons for not wanting a child on school website / local paper

adoption
fleeing domestic violence
weird stalking relatives

Probably a load more that I can't think of off the top of my head.

Generally the people who don't want their child on school websites also don't put images of their child on facebook, or if they do have it very very securely locked down.

My DDs are adopted. Their images do not appear anywhere online in a manner connected to us, their school or our location.

It is disappointing that they can't appear, but sadly that's the way we think it is best for them.

TeenTimesTwo · 30/09/2017 10:43

Lindy School websites can be found and searched for by someone miles away. That is the risk. You type in the name into google 'Penelope Pitstop' and there at your fingertips is the school (thus giving location of child) and perhaps a very recent photograph. So in the worst cases, Dad who was fled from due to his violence, hops into car, waits outside school at playtime and absconds with child.

Nothing to bother anyone tin that, is there?

Caulkheadupnorf · 30/09/2017 10:47

People on MN can't do anything about this.

Either speak to the school, or don't. You may be deemed "that parent", you might not. But if you're not happy about it then nothing will change if you don't mention it.

mammmamia · 30/09/2017 10:51

Still not seeing the issue. Our local paper also does this. What difference does the knowledge of the name make? Maybe if your DC is very young and someone turned up pretending to know them and tried to pick them up from school or something? But the school procedures should prevent that.

Whatamesshaslunch · 30/09/2017 10:52

Yanbu

mammmamia · 30/09/2017 10:53

Obviously some people have good reasons like ex partners etc mentioned up thread. But for regular situations. Not seeing the issue and happy to be educated otherwise.

TeenTimesTwo · 30/09/2017 10:57

mamma

One major issue is that if the school can't get it right for the OP's child (who may or may not have a risk of harm attached if this is seen by someone, the OP hasn't stated) then it probably means they aren't following procedures properly, and then the school might screw it up for an adopted child / one fleeing violence too.

Original poster

Supermagicsmile · 30/09/2017 11:08

I'm surprised people don't seem worried about having their child's full name published online next to their photo. Unusual surname would mean any weirdo could google it and our address pops up, said weirdo would then know exactly where dd lived.

OP posts:

Dauphinois · 30/09/2017 11:09

Our school has very detailed photo consent slips. You can opt in or out of learning journals, school newsletter, website, school social media and general publicity ( print and broadcast media)

I work in the office and control the school's social media, website and newsletters etc. Yes, it is a faff cross checking every child in every photo and blurring faces out of group shots when necessary. It it is absolutely necessary though, and we always err on the side of caution.

It amazes me how many schools are so relaxed about this. Our local comp posted pics of our Y6's on transition days, some of whom weren't even going to that school so they certainly hadn't received parental consent. It's not on.

OhGodWhatTheHellNow · 30/09/2017 11:13

Even if the consent form didn't have clauses, a parent could write them on and the school should respect them - the school I work at would make every effort to comply with the parents wishes.

Amaried · 30/09/2017 11:31

Completely understand the parents of kids who are adopted or are fleeing from difficult situations but for rest of people do they feel the some pedophile will see a pic of their child and be overcome with lust and try and track down the child to kidnap them? It just seems so far fetched to me, surely if that was the case the same thing could happen while your child was walking down the street. My ds play a sport and sometimes get their pic posted in a local paper. The two boys who's parents don't wish their photo published faces are blacked out but I know the parents of these kids have an issue with the remainder of the team being published as they feel it's unfair on their kids.

FitbitAddict · 30/09/2017 12:31

The school must take it down at your request and should not have put it there. I'm a primary deputy head and safeguarding lead and we do not put full names next to photos on any websites or documentation. Part of our e-safety training for children is that they do not share any photos of themselves in their school uniform, give out their full name or address so this goes against those guidelines too.

Lindy2 · 30/09/2017 12:37

I did say "unless there is a specific reason."
I fully appreciate in some circumstances it is appropriate to avoid published photos ie estranged parent, adopted child etc. This is completed valid but thankfully only a minority of children fall into these risk groups.
OP did not mention any specific circumstance. She has also signed to consent to a photo but not full name. A child at risk would, quite rightly, not even consent to that.
I think OP believes that other people are more interested in her child than they actually are.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 30/09/2017 13:46

It doesn't matter why parents do not give permission, the school ask, the parents answers, the school comply... it is that simple..

scottishdiem · 30/09/2017 17:20

"Unusual surname would mean any weirdo could google it and our address pops up, said weirdo would then know exactly where dd lived."

If you are worried about any non-family/friend weirdos (as most abuse happens within friend/family circles) and think a picture on a school website will mark your child out as a target then you arent really thinking through other steps.

If said weirdo found that pic (and it wont be random, it will have to be looking at the school website in the first place) then the weirdo is already on the hunt. If that is the case they are probably local. So can easily wait outside schools to see if intended target walks in or gets a lift or a bus. Once that is established then following target child become easy. In some cases, easier than finding addresses as it is easy to get household details removed from public registers.

Unless you are already putting your children at risk (as you see it) by publishing your address online anyway?

dowsabel · 30/09/2017 18:59

My children's nursery had the usual school photographs and I later found out the photographer was using one DS's picture in her promotional material without consent. I was livid. She apologised with mumbled apologies that she thought it was one of her friends children etc etc. I made her demonstrate she had destroyed all the pre printed literature with his picture on. I know he's a good looking kid but not acceptable at all. I have declined inclusion on school website etc now they are bigger. There's no need. Full name is an absolute no and yanbu to speak to school about it

strawberrisc · 01/10/2017 07:24

FitBitAddict.

I'm in Safeguarding too and am flabbergasted by some of the replies here. Every single member of staff where I work knows which children are NOT to be photographed or filmed (if not why). Staff cannot use their personal devices to film or take photos of students.

kuniloofdooksa · 01/10/2017 07:59

All the pp above saying they don't see the issue are being hopelessly naive. This is a serious safeguarding thing even when the child isn't in danger of a stalking violent relative.

Back in the 80s as a young teen before safeguarding was taken so seriously, I was in the local newspaper with my photo and full name and even the street I lived on published as I had won a national competition.

A mentally disturbed person saw the newspaper article and fixated on me - with name and street he was able to get my phone number and I started getting dirty phone calls (he was silent when any other family member answered but said disgusting things if I answered). He sent a multi page letter - which my dad removed from my hands as soon as he realised what it was so I only caught a glimpse but it was a very detailed description, with diagrams, of what he was going to do to me. That's how the police realised it was the newspaper article that triggered it all as some of the pictures were clearly copying the newspaper photo. I don't actually know how it was resolved. It did all stop eventually. But young children should never have that detail of identifying information published online or in print.

TheFirstMrsDV · 01/10/2017 08:27

My friend was in a home decor reality show years ago when the format first appeared. Because it was about a row of houses her address was easily identifiable and her full name was used in the programme.
She received letters from some weirdo in prison for YEARS after.

Its naive to think stuff like that doesn't happen and its 100 x easier to track people down now.

I am not a paranoid parent but having an adopted child makes you careful. You have to be. Even the most chaotic of people have access to the internet and plenty of time to use it.

Shenanagins · 01/10/2017 08:48

I wouldn't be happy about it at all. I have given approval for images to be used but not names.

Whilst there is no safeguarding issues with my dc I do want to protect their online presence as much as possible as once it's out there it's impossible to completely remove.

Back in the day my picture and name was in the local paper but to be honest where I grew up there was no place to hide. I didn't and still don't have an issue with that as it wasn't online and therefore not easily accessible.

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