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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To triple barrall our name

40 replies

NYC23 · 29/09/2017 15:08

Prepared to be ridiculed haha.

I have a double barralled name. The first part is fairly long and the second part is 4 letters. First part is mothera side of the family and second part is my fathers.

My partner has a fairly unusal second name of French origin.

We are completely stuck with what to do regarding names... not that it matters but we are both women and both super keen to keep respective names but we want to have the same name... bit of a problem!

I love my name as does she and we just don't know what to do...

I suggested having her name and then mine but using only the hyphen betwen tbe 2 parts of my name so it would be like this aaaaaa bbbbbbbbb-ccccc. She doesn't like that as she feels her name would be less important... i get her point of view!

Would it be totally unreasonable and weird to have aaaaaa-bbbbbb-ccccccc...

Or should I use my Mothers maiden name (the first part of my double barralled name) as a middle name and then just use the second half of my name combined with her name?

OP posts:
lozzylizzy · 29/09/2017 15:10

I would have your mother's maiden name as a middle name then double barrell b and c

howthelightgetsin · 29/09/2017 15:12

Or they other way round, you could be a-c

lozzylizzy · 29/09/2017 15:12

So your first name middle name then bbbbbb (your maiden name) cccccc-aaaaaaaa

5rivers7hills · 29/09/2017 15:12

Make up a new name, together.

Butterymuffin · 29/09/2017 15:14

Tricky! Triple barrelling is too much IMO. Could you try out each part of your name with hers and see how it looks / sounds? Is one rarer than the other (so, are there lots of other relatives using your dad's surname but not your mum's, or vice versa)?

LostwithSawyer · 29/09/2017 15:14

That's one hell of a surname for a kid to write at school and fill in forms etc...
Definitely look at shortening it. Middle name then surname.

BoredOnMatLeave · 29/09/2017 15:17

I know of a family that is triple barrelled and it only works as the middle on is de, so aaaa-de-bbbbb. I would take your mothers name as a middle name.

19lottie82 · 29/09/2017 15:18

No. Just No.

As advised pick one name from your double barrelled and merge it with your husbands name.

What would happen if your future child wants to marry someone with a double barrelled name?

ChocolateWombat · 29/09/2017 15:43

Don't do it.
As others say, double barrel a part of yours and his if you need to do this.

Talkietalk · 29/09/2017 15:44

merge both names - ive seen some lovely examples

Jaxhog · 29/09/2017 15:47

Just keep your own names?

ShinyShits · 29/09/2017 15:47

Merge your names to create one new surname.

CrewsInn · 29/09/2017 15:47

I feel the argument for not changing your name is still valid if you are same sex. You would still be giving up your name and taking someone else's family name, albeit in part.
I loathe double barrel names art best of times, triple..Shock.

SerfTerf · 29/09/2017 15:50

Why is it your mother's name that gets relegated?!

I'm sure two women in a relationship can muster more pro-woman feeling than that! Smile Relegate your father's name and found a matriarchy.

MargaretCavendish · 29/09/2017 16:02

What would happen if your future child wants to marry someone with a double barrelled name?

They'll do exactly what OP is doing now - they'll think about their various options for combining the names (or keeping their own) and make a decision. While it is a bit of a tricky one for OP, it's hardly a deep trauma that we should all avoid inflicting on our children.

I know you may want to share a name for other reasons and that's obviously your choice, but just in case this is part of the consideration: it really is no hassle or problem having different names. I only mention it because there's a persistent idea that it will cause some unspecified confusion (people often say this on name-changing threads) and it has never been the case for me or anyone else I know. If you both love your names then one perfectly valid choice is just to not change them.

NatMatCat · 29/09/2017 16:04

You don't need to have the same name and it sounds like neither of you wants to change. So, just don't. Having the same name is only customary on marriage in some cultures. It's not something essential to happiness.

NatMatCat · 29/09/2017 16:08

I'm in a same sex relationship and there is no way either of us would change our names. The whole concept is just silly even for heterosexuals. It signified that the woman was somebody's property. There is no romance in the origins of the idea.

SerfTerf · 29/09/2017 16:10

The whole concept is just silly even for heterosexuals

I know what you meant, but I first read it as "heterosexuals are so SILLY 🙄" and for some reason it's made me howl with laughter 😂

RosyPony · 29/09/2017 16:15

DH is triple barrelled and it's a pain, much to the annoyance of his family we dropped one name, despite the fact it dates back hundreds of years.

TakeMe2Insanity · 29/09/2017 16:15

No! Realistic options:

  1. Keep your own names
  2. Create a new name
Birdsgottafly · 29/09/2017 16:21

Different set of circumstances but I know a lot of permanent Fostered children put their Foster Parent(s) surname as a middle name for their children, to fit three surnames in.

Try to avoid the triple barrelled surname.

Ellisandra · 29/09/2017 16:21

Just each keep your own names Hmm

WhyOhWine · 29/09/2017 16:22

So assuming your name is Worthington-Smith and hers is Garnier, both Worthington-Smith-Garnier and Garnier-Worthington-Smith are just too long. Go with whatever of the following sounds best, with your other as middle name

Worthington-Garnier
Garnier-Worthington
Smith-Garnier
Garnier-Smith

Actually, I would probably just each keep your own name, but give DC one of the above surnames. Probably Worthington-Garnier in my example!

backintown · 29/09/2017 16:23

It would be ridiculous and unfair on any child. I have a double barrelled name, it already doesn't fit on many forms, particularly online plus the hyphen isn't recognised - which can cause problems when you are booking online for a flight and are asked to put in your name as per your passport and you can't (I'm looking at you Ryanair).

All that aside it is incredibly shortsighted - all these stupid double barrelled names are going to face your dilemma and worse. What is in store for the next generation - quadruple barrelled names, sextuple barrelled names (your child meets a similarly lumbered triple barreller who doesn't want to give up their family names, not even one...), perhaps your great grandkids by that token could have a duodecuple name with all 12 names squished in?

I have held back in real life as so many friends have given their poor kids these silly sounding double barrelled names thinking they are being so right on, but it really does only work for one generation. Also in the olden days (as in when I was young) it could be a real issue at school as it made people make assumptions about your class etc. Less so as it has become more popular I imagine.

So you YABU, seriously, just don't!

NapQueen · 29/09/2017 16:24

Just choose a whole new family name.