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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel irritated by this stranger

38 replies

KickthewallonSalthillprom · 29/09/2017 14:05

A well known advice centre has offices upstairs from where I work. They don't open on Fridays. Frequently people knock on my office window when they can't gain access.
So...... today a man asked me where he should seek advice regarding his situation. The opening times info notice clearly state Mondays Employment Law, Tuesdays Family Law, Wednesday Housing etc. I pointed this out but he clearly wanted to talk and he told me he wanted to support his child but he couldn't give his ex any money as he was unemployed and too busy to sign on as his Dad was in hospital.
So that's ok then, a sick dad trumps a starving child? I was rather gobsmacked, as a Grandparent I would prefer my son to work and support his child rather than visit me even if I was at deaths door.
He wanted me to agree with him but I just said his baby needs to have a bottle and a clean nappy.
It made me so sad and hurt for that child.

OP posts:
RunningOutOfCharge · 29/09/2017 14:07

You got a snapshot

Yet you are judging??

RunningOutOfCharge · 29/09/2017 14:08

And he cared enough to seek out help/advice..... this seems very ‘goady’

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 29/09/2017 14:09

I suppose it depends whether his dad is dying or not? When you are desperately trying to juggle everything, the near death person trumps everything I'm afraid.

What ever is wrong with grandad, it must be serious if son cannot take 10 minutes out twice a fortnight to sign on. How is he eating and paying his rent?

I'm sure mum claims everything she's entitled to.

Original poster
KickthewallonSalthillprom · 29/09/2017 14:12

Yep I'm judging. He said he couldnt work or even sign on as he was too busy. He wanted affirmation that he didn't have to support his child because his Dad was in hospital.

OP posts:
Ttbb · 29/09/2017 14:12

He didn't have time to sign on but he had time to visit a closed advice centre and then waste your time? I would be annoyed too.

pigsDOfly · 29/09/2017 14:12

Sounds as if the poor bloke really isn't coping.

You have no idea what his possible other issues are or anything about his life.

Very odd to start a thread about someone you know nothing about, yet feel able to make judgments and voice an opinion on.

Original poster
KickthewallonSalthillprom · 29/09/2017 14:22

He didn't seem as if he wasn't coping. He looked well dressed and was articulate. He said he couldn't pay anything towards his child's support because he was too busy to work or even sign on.
I didn't care about my time as he is only one of many who tap on my window on a Friday. What did make me upset is that he has totally justified to himself why he doesn't have to support his child.
I thought Mumsnet was the place to start judgey observational threads.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 29/09/2017 14:31

You're not in any position to make a judgement.

Why didn't you just tell him that the service wasn't open and get on with your own work?

RunningOutOfCharge · 29/09/2017 14:33

Oh, sorry this thread hasn’t gone the way you wanted it to opHmm

Yet

Lionroar · 29/09/2017 14:38

you have no right to judge someone you know nothing about. You don't know his circumstances bar a what 5 minute brief conversation.

MarthaArthur · 29/09/2017 14:38

So he has gone to seek help and he is judged by someone who knows nothing about him? His dad might be dying or potentially in a life threatening situation. Yes that trumps everything. Ans as for the comment he was well dressed and didnt look like he was not coping. How could you possibly know how someone is coping? The kid will be fed and in clean nappies from whatever the mother gets.

lauryloo · 29/09/2017 14:39

He was there looking for advice. You can be judgmental, but this just seems a bit mean spirited

I had periods where i couldn't work due to crippling depression but could very easily pass myself off as articulate and well dressed, even though i was a mess inside.

RatherBeRiding · 29/09/2017 14:42

Well yes he should support his child, but I seriously doubt the child is starving or going without clean nappies.

However, he is but one of many many fathers who feel that supporting their children is optional. Don't take this particular case to heart.

TheFirstMrsDV · 29/09/2017 14:46

Starving child?
Why would the child be starving?

Don't talk such rot.

PerfumeIsAMessage · 29/09/2017 14:47

You thought MN was the place to start judgemental threads?
You can start any amount of judgemental threads you want. Just don't go wahwahing when you get your goady arose handed to you as a result.

PerfumeIsAMessage · 29/09/2017 14:47

Goady arse. Typo.

endehors · 29/09/2017 14:47

Where did he say the child was starving?

MissMoneyPlant · 29/09/2017 14:48

His reasoning is ridiculous and I can see why you're irritated by that. Especially him having time to seek advice but not to sign on!

However, the child will not be "starving"!

Notsamanthabrick · 29/09/2017 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greendale17 · 29/09/2017 14:51

I would feel the same too OP

PetitFilous123 · 29/09/2017 14:51

I'm sure that's not all that was said. Why is he going to an advice centre if he doens't need advice?

StaplesCorner · 29/09/2017 14:58

I work in one of those centres, you wouldn't last 5 minutes! You have no idea of all the circumstances and even if you did, everyone is entitled to advice - I presume it was the CAB? The clue is in the title "citizens" - its there for everyone. I've had people come in asking me to help them with their offshore tax return before now, I don't judge them, I tell them where they can get suitable advice - to a man (or woman) they always say thank you and then they go about their business.

I suggest it would be better if you spoke to the centre about their signposting and found some way to avoid being bothered by clients outside of their hours.

Salmakia · 29/09/2017 14:59

I'll go against the grain, parents should always support their kids. No matter how ill they personally are or their family are they should support their kids. If able to work, or if claiming support while not, either way you don't let your kids go without. If you've got time to seek advice on how to avoid paying child support, you've got time to sign on and look for work, or to apply for disability benefits if too ill to work. Visiting very ill family can be done around a job, millions of people manage it.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 29/09/2017 15:06

Well OP I'm afraid I'm judging you.

You should not be giving advice or discussing personal problems with people when they are coming to CAB for advice. You should have explained the office is not open and to come back on Monday. I hope he doesn't think you are an actual adviser but you discussing it with him could have led him to believe so. Very unprofessional on your part, seeing as it's not your job and you were discussing personal issues with him on your own work's time. I wonder if the actual CAB advisers are aware of what you're doing. I wonder if your boss knows what you are doing.

PandorasXbox · 29/09/2017 15:11

Hang on OP did he actually say his child was going with food and starving?