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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate mufti day !!

47 replies

SpecialKt · 29/09/2017 10:28

Today's mufti day for the Dds. School sent a very long list of what they can't wear with ridiculous things like jeggings. Dd1 set off to school in her brand new branded clothes , hair down and makeup done.

Dd2 is 14. She's currently is in her room crying, got ready for school this morning and decided she was going to get teased in her topshop outfit, looks ugly and has no idea how to do makeup and can't possibly go into school on a mufti day without makeup. No amount of comforting is making Dd feel better about herself.

I know at their school , non uniform day is a big deal and the girls love to pick people apart for their outfit choice.

Aibu to want non uniform day cancelled! Dd2 wouldn't normally be stressing about how she looks, she's always dressed up nicely but today is just too much for her. Mufti day causes more harm than good.

OP posts:
MrsFionaCharming · 29/09/2017 10:32

I agree, I hated mufti days when I was at school. I wasn't fashionable, and didn't care about clothes but that didn't stop the 'cool' kids from taking the piss.

Swirlingasong · 29/09/2017 10:37

I completely agree, op. I felt the same as your dd when I was at school. It's fun at primary but at secondary it can just be torture. If the point is fundraising, surely the kids would actually gain something from coming up with their own fundraising ideas. I remember doing a great parable of the talents exercise where we were each given £1 and had to find ways to to make it grow.

Pigface1 · 29/09/2017 10:39

YANBU - I absolutely hated them at school. To the point I'd pull sickies.

Off topic but I've never heard the phrase 'mufti day' before - where does it come from?

VimFuego101 · 29/09/2017 10:41

YANBU, even hearing the word 'mufti day' brings back unhappy memories for me.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 29/09/2017 10:44

Oh your poor dd! I remember the stress over mufti days, it really was all about wearing the "right" clothes. If it's any comfort I think as you get older, the pressure gets less.

I think you did the right thing keeping her off to be honest. Maybe before the next mufti day she could practice doing her make up and buy something from whatever the "right" brand is these days. Obviously it's not good to focus too much on looks/totally conform, but feeling good about yourself is really important and if it helps her then it can't do any harm IMO.

Original poster
SpecialKt · 29/09/2017 10:54

Mufti has been used since the dds were in primary school round here. It originated from an Arabic word and the British army sometimes use it .

I always encourage my dds to be themselves and Dd2 is usually into the fashion trends. I'll admit I did treat them to a shopping trip yesterday. She got some new adidas trainers to add to her collection of other overpriced trainers and she got some lovely clothes from top shop but she still didn't feel confident. She's had professional makeup lessons and I think her makeup skills are great but she was too afraid to go into school and 'not look right' .

OP posts:
SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 29/09/2017 10:57

In that case, it sounds like the problem isn't with her clothes or make up, but with her self esteem. It may have just been a bit of a wobble though, if she is otherwise confident.

PandorasXbox · 29/09/2017 11:01

How is she when wearing her normal clothes for going out with her friends after school and at weekend? Surely they've seen what she normally wears?

Won't the majority of girls be wearing the same clothes anyway? Confused

TheSecondOfHerName · 29/09/2017 11:01

At least it's only one day. Every time it comes round, it makes me grateful for the uniform (and no make-up rule) that's in place the rest of the time.

Yowser · 29/09/2017 11:02

I hated them too. My way of coping was to put in zero effort, nobody could really pick that apart.

Funnily enough my kids had a mufti last week and I noticed that DD (also 14) put in zero effort. She wore an oversized sweatshirt that she'd bought to wear around the house and a pair of jeans. She doesn't wear make up. She really didn't look her best but I guess she's come up with the same strategy that I did although we've never discussed it.

I'm still putting in zero effort now which I think is a bit of a shame. I've never managed to develop a sense of style probably through fear of what others may have to say. If I haven't tried to look good then it doesn't matter if others don't think I look good.

SecretEscapesWannabe · 29/09/2017 11:06

We have mufti day today too. DS is autistic and has sensory issues so it causes no end of troubles (he usually wanders around without clothes at all at home). Today he is in leggings and a t-shirt. I can't get him to wear sweaters or coats.

It has caused alot of anxiety for us both this week trying to work out what he can wear that is socially acceptable and which he is comfortable with!

Dixiestampsagain · 29/09/2017 11:06

They were never called Mufti days around here when I was a child-I only heard the term much later. I used to love them as I could wear a football shirt, jeans and trainers (I wasn't at all bothered by fashion, make up etc). I fear they may become more 'trying' when my dd is a teen than they are now, when she'll wear anything.

DJBaggySmalls · 29/09/2017 11:13

I know at their school , non uniform day is a big deal and the girls love to pick people apart for their outfit choice.

Thats the problem, not their clothes or make up.

TheSecondOfHerName · 29/09/2017 11:16

My way of coping was to put in zero effort, nobody could really pick that apart.

I did this throughout my (non-uniform) sixth form. It was a private girls' school where many wore designer clothes and some didn't like to wear the same outfit twice.
I wore the following every day for two years:
Second hand men's black jeans (I had two pairs so one could be in the wash)
V-neck lambswool jumper inherited from my Grandad (again I had two)
Men's jacket from a charity shop
Black DM shoes

No one said anything about my clothing (not to my face, anyway).

glitterlips1 · 29/09/2017 11:23

Our school has far too many mufti days so much so, I have grown to hate them. Every time they need or want sometime they have a mufti day, we've had 3 already this term. It causes a lot of stress in my house because my DD worries so much about what she is going to wear! I bought a school uniform, I would really love my children to wear it!

MrsOverTheRoad · 29/09/2017 11:27

This sounds awful and is one of the reasons I think no uniform for schools is a good idea.

Whilst that might sound odd given the pressure these kids are under, it's not.

My children's school (Australia) has no uniform...we're from the UK so I was a bit worried about it all when we arrived here...I worried the DD's would wear the "wrong things" etc.

But in actual fact, there's no pressure at all. The kids all wear comfy clothes and sports clothes and big logos are banned...so there's no pressure.

They can wear anything they want as long as it's not branded sportswear or clothes with brand names...eg a GAP t shirt wouldn't be allowed.

They're not allowed high heels but minimal makeup IS allowed once they're over 13. No ripped clothing is allowed either.

It's so easy.

shouldnthavesaid · 29/09/2017 11:28

We used to have one a fortnight and then monthly as headteacher's bribe to make us wear some sort of uniform the rest of the time. They were called Dress Down Fridays. Dreadful idea. School was mayhem each time.

Lovemusic33 · 29/09/2017 11:29

I think your dd has some confidence issues. My dd is the same age and doesn't care what she wears on non uniform day and neither do her friends, they just wear skinny jeans and a top, dd doesn't wear make up so we don't have that problem.

Miraclesparklestars · 29/09/2017 11:29

We had mufti day recently. The list of clothes banned were as follows:
No ripped jeans
No blue jeans
No white jeans
No skirts above the knee
No tights
No leggings unless you wear 3 pairs due to them being see-through
No dresses
No crop tops
No thick jumpers
Nothing too brightly coloured
No make up

Majority turned up in uniform. Too much hassle. Hope your DD is ok! Flowers

Original poster
SpecialKt · 29/09/2017 11:34

On a weekend she usually throws on some jeans and a tshirt/ hoody and if she's going out for a meal with friends then she'd just put on a fancier top. She's never usually fussed, she has branded clothes and mainly shops in top shop and misguided. Even for parties she doesn't bother with makeup but today was completely different for her. She has an event to go to this weekend and i asked her what she's wearing and she said skinny jeans and her new off the shoulder top with trainers so it's going to school in her own clothes that stresses her out.

OP posts:
SecretEscapesWannabe · 29/09/2017 11:35

no blue jeans woud wipe out my entire wardrobe!

ILikeThatSong123 · 29/09/2017 11:43

Sorry if I steer the thread to a slightly different track but I am genuinely shocked to read that the casual dress day at school could be the cause of such a distress.
DD is just at the beginning of secondary school and to me it has always been a day where kids wear their day to day clothes and nothing more. It has been far from such a distress in our house so far and i didn't think it could be that different in secondary.
Looks like in teenage years make up is definitely expected, almost compulsory???? In some schools or almost everywhere????
To my defence, I am ancient and also i didn't study in the UK and had no personal experience of mufti days in teenage years.
So what is the right dress code? The most bang-on trend, finished with make up? I am genuinely puzzled.

yodelehoho · 29/09/2017 11:46

OP. Will try not to be too harsh however I do think that mothers who put their children to school with "brand new branded clothes" are part of the problem.

Original poster
SpecialKt · 29/09/2017 11:50

According to Dd , Nike or adidas trainers... apparently adidas at the moment, a branded tshirt ( has to have a big logo) but not GAP because then the other kids will say 'why do you have gay and proud on your top?' or a fancy top from somewhere overpriced, not primark. Basically any of the trends where you see teenage girls or dressed pretty much the same in town.

Dds school had a similarly ridiculous dress code for today's mufti day Miracles

OP posts:
Original poster
SpecialKt · 29/09/2017 11:53

yodelehoho i gave them both a set amount of money to buy clothes, they needed some new clothes anyways and that's what she chose . Dd1 is 16 so I can't get away with picking out things for her . I always stress to them how important it is to be themselves.

OP posts:
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