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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate mufti day !!

47 replies

SpecialKt · 29/09/2017 10:28

Today's mufti day for the Dds. School sent a very long list of what they can't wear with ridiculous things like jeggings. Dd1 set off to school in her brand new branded clothes , hair down and makeup done.

Dd2 is 14. She's currently is in her room crying, got ready for school this morning and decided she was going to get teased in her topshop outfit, looks ugly and has no idea how to do makeup and can't possibly go into school on a mufti day without makeup. No amount of comforting is making Dd feel better about herself.

I know at their school , non uniform day is a big deal and the girls love to pick people apart for their outfit choice.

Aibu to want non uniform day cancelled! Dd2 wouldn't normally be stressing about how she looks, she's always dressed up nicely but today is just too much for her. Mufti day causes more harm than good.

OP posts:

MrsScrubbingbrush · 29/09/2017 11:53

DD has just started in Yr7 and I'm dreading the first mufti day. She's not particularly trendy and has found it hard to make new friends although things are getting better.

Before mufti day we have another level of hell - the Yr7 disco 😲 . She wants to go but what on earth do they wear.

If anyone can help I'd be really grateful!

WaxOnFeckOff · 29/09/2017 12:09

Whilst I don't disagree that doing awy with them would be a good idea, I think this situation is about more than that. It seems to be about pupil getting away wityh treating others like shit because of how they look. That's the problem.

DSs school have only ever had one dress down in the 5 years they've been going. DS2 only ever wears shorts outside school, we discussed whether he might want some jeans etc and he decided not to, shorts is who he is.

DSs do have some branded stuff but that didn't infuence at all what they wore. DS1 pulled on a pair of jeans and a non designer t-shirt though he normally wears shorts a lot too. DS2 wore a band t-shirt and his shorts and a non branded hoody. Think DS1 might have wore a branded hoody but his selection is based on what is closest to hand.

WaxOnFeckOff · 29/09/2017 12:13

I have no idea Mrs but in general if she is just getting into new friendships she could maybe ask a few people what they are planning to wear and wear similar. Try to stay in the middle of the bracket so that she fits in without being over the top and still feels like she is comfortable.

Original poster

SpecialKt · 29/09/2017 12:54

I thinks it's both a confidence and an issue with the school not dealing with the students who pick on others appropriately but these issues wouldn't be an issue today if it wasn't mufti day.

OP posts:

MrsScrubbingbrush · 29/09/2017 12:54

Thanks Wax. If she had her way it would be baggy jeans & a baggy t-shirt!

Ohyesiam · 29/09/2017 12:58

I used to hate them. It was a nastily comparative sport.

WaxOnFeckOff · 29/09/2017 13:01

I agree Special, but they should be able to have a mufti day without the issues, as I say, I wouldn't be bothered either way. I'd be happy enough for no uniform at all actually, I think after the initial issues they'd all learn to get on with it and understand that clothes are just clothes. But that's possibly becasue I'm trying to avoid buying DS2 a new £45 blazer that he'll only need to wear regularly until April and then just for exams, as he needs a different colour one after the exams finish but he is getting quite squished in the one he has.

BeALert · 29/09/2017 13:03

Good grief those banned clothes lists are ridiculous.

We don't have unifoms here and that list is pretty much everything they wear day to day.

Our 'banned' list is basically no offensive slogans and no flip-flops once it's snow season.

My kids put on the first thing they pull out of the drawer then get on with their day. They don't have time to be getting makeup perfect and agonising over clothes.

WaxOnFeckOff · 29/09/2017 13:05

Well, I'm not hot on fashion MrsS but isn't baggy anything out?

If i had to guess, I'd say tight fitting black jeans and some sort of top would be the way to go. Top either fitted t-shirt or something more dressy depending on the group/event.

MrsScrubbingbrush · 29/09/2017 13:08

I think it might be time for a mother & daughter shopping trip, Wax.😉

Eolian · 29/09/2017 13:15

I've taught in schools on many many mufti days. Teachers don't like them because it makes some of the kids excitable and distracted. It's true that some treat it like a fashion parade, but many kids are just in normal, casual clothes. Everyone knows who the fashionable/make-up wearing people are anyway, whether they are in mufti or not.

WaxOnFeckOff · 29/09/2017 13:17

Aww that will be nice :). My boys would rather stick needles in their eyes than shop for clothes. I realise that's not male exclusive and also that some boys are really into clothes, but might aren't. To be fair, I'm not a big shopper in shops either.

thepatchworkcat · 29/09/2017 13:21

What does mufti mean? I mean I understand you're talking about non-uniform days but I've not heard of 'mufti' before

GhostsToMonsoon · 29/09/2017 13:22

I used to love non-uniform days at high school and I wasn't remotely into fashion or make-up. I used to just wear jeans and a jumper or something along those lines. I suppose there was no social media in those days which may make things worse. My children quite like the mufti days at primary, although they say that it feels very strange to go to school without their uniform.

Does she get distressed deciding what to wear if she is meeting her friends outside of school?

Original poster

SpecialKt · 29/09/2017 13:24

No. She's not fussed at all wearing her own clothes outside of school

OP posts:

WaxOnFeckOff · 29/09/2017 13:41

It's a people problem not a clothes problem. Se will be comfortable in her out of school clothes with her friends because they are er friends. It sounds like there are pople at school she is afraid of getting on the wong side of becasue she might not be good enough in their eyes. That's your problem I think.

You either need to address this with DD2 to increase her confidence and resiliance or address it with the school if you feel there is a bullying element to it.

WaxOnFeckOff · 29/09/2017 13:42

Excuse all the missing letters, I hope it still makes sense, I have a new keyboard and I'm still breaking it in.

JustAnotherUser123456 · 29/09/2017 13:51

I think mufti Day must be awful for teenagers today. It was bad enough when I was at secondary school 20 years ago. The pressure to look good was immense. I came from quite a wealthy area and me and my best friend alway had money given to us by our parents ( God I sound like Regina George - I really wasn’t) anyway mufti day was always on a Friday and every Thursday night before a mufti day we would HAVE to go shopping for a new outfit. We’d also see loads of our friends there so everyone had the same idea.

I’m not saying this behaviour was right by any means but I’m highlighting the pressure teens find themselves under.

QueenofallIsee · 29/09/2017 13:53

God, I remember always getting it wrong between 11 & 13, I found my stride by about aged 15 thank goodness. My children are generally quite relaxed about Mufti, it is only in the last year that the boys have become brand aware and thankfully the right brands are fairly accessible and stuff we have cos it washes well, dries fast and takes them easily to all their sporty activities (Adidas, Nike, Vans etc), I can see how it would be stressful though. Poor DD, I really feel for her! I agree that you have to stress the importance of what SHE likes and wants and not what others have to her

ambereeree · 29/09/2017 13:57

Wow mufti day wasn't as bad when i was at school in the 90s. I really feel sorry for teens now.

silkpyjamasallday · 29/09/2017 14:00

Is there a possibility that your dd is being bullied or picked on and her levels of stress are stemming from the fact that 'mufti' days have the potential to give the bullies more ammo? Her reaction seems extreme and not just a case of 'having nothing to wear' especially as you have bought her the right trainers and she has money to buy her own choice of clothes. I used to love clothes and putting together outfits but non school uniform days just opened up a whole new world of nastiness from the bullies, then I would have panic attacks before school on days where it was own clothes as I knew it would make everything worse. I pretty much gave up in the end, and would just wear a big black jumper and black jeans and ballet flats or loafers every single time. We had a whole week of non uniform in sixth form and had themes for dressing up every day, I didn't do any of it because I didn't have friends to laugh and joke about it with, so I knew (or thought it was inevitable) that they would be laughing at me.

Have a talk with your DD OP and try to get to the bottom of it. My parents ignored all the signs of poor mental health, bullying and low self esteem that I began suffering as a teen (and I was too proud to admit it to them, I don't blame them entirely) and it just got progressively worse until I didn't leave my flat for months at a time when I went to uni. You need to give her the tools to feel good about herself and find out the root cause of her distress.

Original poster

SpecialKt · 29/09/2017 18:24

I don't think she's being bullied, just a lot of pressure to fit in

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