"I really admire your confidence especially considering your skin"

[Bumblebeesss]

I have very bad acne scarring (mostly boxcar/ice pick/rolling scars, not so much discolouration these days). I’ve spent nearly £7k over the years on all sorts of treatments ranging from fractional lasers to microdermabrasions to subcision, to very minimal results, so it’s not as if I’m a slob who doesn’t care.

As luck would have it, my experience with makeup (even the ones that are often mentioned on here) is that it either 1. Breaks me out or 2. Makes my depressed scars look worse in harsh lighting. That essentially means that I don’t really wear makeup anymore.

Anyway, I’d been living with it for a few years now, and to be frank, I was at a point where it stopped affecting me because to me it’s just another part of my face. Today though, I had someone say what’s in the title to me and I’m back to obsessing over it!

AIBU in thinking that no matter how much time has passed there will always be some things about ourselves we’ll never be comfortable with?

They clearly feel insecure themselves!

Jesus - who the fuck said this to you? Whoever it was is one of those people who should just go and take a long walk off a short pier.

"Aww. That's a lovely thing to say, considering your social skills. Thanks for making an effort, I can see you're really trying."

Or what the Americans do: "bless your heart."

Thanks for your replies. I don't think she's jealous; I work in a fairly superficial industry and it took such a long time for me to be okay with my skin (there's always that fear that I'd look unprofessional/lazy/dirty due to the age old "have you tried washing your face" comments from randoms I've heard growing up as mentioned by PP!). It also doesn't help that I don't think I've ever seen anyone with scarring as bad as mine (thank you cystic acne/dear PCOS)!

Not much comfort when someone has made a nasty comment like that, but imagine living in that persons head.
Truly self confident, secure people don't need to go round putting people down, that's the reserve of sad insecure little wretches that want to make other people feel as bad about themselves as they do.
The issue is with them, not you.

What a shitty shitty thing to say.

One thing I will say OP, is that it really does look worse to you than it does to anyone else - just picking up on your comment that you think yours is worse than anyone else's. I went through a period of bad acne whilst at university and I was obsessed - I examined every single woman's face I saw for spots, and at the end of most days I concluded that my acne was the worst in the world. I would sometimes see someone with a worse case but think "oh but that's a 15yo boy, he's expected to have acne" and it wouldn't make me feel any better. I even got irrationally grumpy when watching a film or something when the heroine would, say, go out to a bar and end up having a spontaneous one-night stand, shower at his place and then emerge with her hair still wet, all fresh-faced, and her postage-stamp-sized handbag. I always used to think "I could never do that, it takes me ages put my face on, and I'd only dare go back to someone's place if I had my whole makeup kit on me so I could re-assemble in the morning, how ridiculously unrealistic."

Anyway, I was out for lunch with two friends the other day. Both of them have suffered with acne as well, so it came up, and I was talking about how obsessed I'd been until it finally cleared up when I was about 23. They both looked totally, genuinely nonplussed and said "I don't remember you ever having acne." I was so embarrassed about it that I never talked about it whereas they both did, and they seemed to seriously not even remember it.

That's not to minimise your feelings, but I was flabbergasted that they didn't immediately think "uni Quim = spotty", I really thought it was the first and foremost thing about me at that time.

Oh God and don't even get me started on the backseat dermatologists. "Have you tried evening primrose oil tablets?" "Try drinking more water"

Oh and better yet, "there's an advert on TV for some new face wash that clears up spots, you should try that"

Life will some day happen to this moron and she'll realise the way she talks to people is thoughtless, tactless and undermining. She could develop Bells Palsy or rosacea, suddenly develop excema or a nasty rash that flares every time she opens her mouth. Anything could happen, she will one day see the merit of being kind.

I have eczema on my face, roseacea and 2 obvious moles.

Used to let it bother me - no more. I treat the eczema and roseacea more because they cause pain if not treated. Especially if the eczema cracks.

Small children and people with learning difficulties often point to and even touch the moles or ask if they hurt, I just answer matter of factly that no it doesn't hurt I was just born with them. I worked in elderly care for a good many years and that included elderly folk with learning difficulties or lacking filters due to stroke, dementia etc. Some of them would plain say 'I don't want her she's ugly' their relatives would sometimes apologise and feel embarrassed but I'd reassure them and simply arrange for someone else to take over. I even had one lady who'd been a nurse herself who liked to put cream on for me.

The point I'm trying to make is turn it into a blessing in your own mind. Every thing we experience makes us who we are. And you are already clearly a more compassionate thoughtful and kind person than the idiot who made the comment (who I am CERTAIN is insecure about some aspect of their looks).

Dear Graphista and OP

Much sympathy - I've been there. I don't suffer too badly at the moment but when I was a teenager I had horrible excema - over my face, ears, neck and joints. Now I have roseacea and I also have a large number of uncoloured moles over my face. I wear foundation to cover the roseacea but it does slide off towards the middle of the afternoon.

I used to envy perfect people with perfect skin but now I'm just glad I have personality, character, kindness and humility. They are better qualities. And I would never ever judge someone the way the stupid person did to OP. Thats a very shallow and thoughtless person.

OP I feel you. I have a very red scar across my once perfect skin. Have done for 6 years now and it has been hard. I am dealing with it now but my DH's Aunt said something about it the other day and I just think FUCK OFF!

How dare you comment on my appearance!?

There are some spectacularly rude people out there who have absolutely no filter at all.

And there are others who are just plain spiteful.

Some people are both.

I'm sorry to hear you encountered one of the above types OP.

I hope you can put the comment behind you and not let it get you down.

Ah, the old I'm insulting you but trying to pass it off as a compliment trick. Best to ignore those people (easier said than done I know). I feel for you. I took a swim in the pool at an old work gym one day and got "oh my god you're wearing a bikini with those stretch marks?! I wish I was that confident." Yep, thanks.

Sounds very like someone I used to work with. Colleage A had acne scars, but used to 'draw attention away' by wearing beautiful jewellery, immaculate make-up & hair, etc. All of which were part of who she was.

Colleague B said, "Oh you'd be so beautiful if it wasn't for your skin."

Naturally colleage A was extremely upset. I pointed out that colleague B would be beautiful if it wasn't for her personality.