"I really admire your confidence especially considering your skin"

[Bumblebeesss]

I have very bad acne scarring (mostly boxcar/ice pick/rolling scars, not so much discolouration these days). I’ve spent nearly £7k over the years on all sorts of treatments ranging from fractional lasers to microdermabrasions to subcision, to very minimal results, so it’s not as if I’m a slob who doesn’t care.

As luck would have it, my experience with makeup (even the ones that are often mentioned on here) is that it either 1. Breaks me out or 2. Makes my depressed scars look worse in harsh lighting. That essentially means that I don’t really wear makeup anymore.

Anyway, I’d been living with it for a few years now, and to be frank, I was at a point where it stopped affecting me because to me it’s just another part of my face. Today though, I had someone say what’s in the title to me and I’m back to obsessing over it!

AIBU in thinking that no matter how much time has passed there will always be some things about ourselves we’ll never be comfortable with?

So the person who said this to you is him/herself perfect in every way, is s/he?

Thought not.

What it tells you is that they are so self conscious themselves they would never dare going out wo make up on. (And expect everyone to be as self conscious as they are)
And that they are quite nasty/rude people too.

It doesn't say ANYTHING about you or whthere you should feel bad about your skin (fwiw I don't think you should. And most people wouldn't go further than thinking 'acne' if they go even that far)

What a disgustingly nasty person.

Any chance of revenge?!

My colleague has bad acne, and she's very self conscious about it and covers it up with make up. She was once approached by a customer. "Why do you wear so much make up? It's not a good look and your spots would be SO much better if you just let them breathe" - people can be horrible and I'm sorry you've had to deal with this.

so it’s not as if I’m a slob who doesn’t care.

This stands out for me. Why are you a slob for not caring what other people think of you? Why should you feel obliged to try all these “treatments” to show others that you have tried to make them looking at you a bit easier for them.

Honestly anyone who judges or says anything like that it just an utter cow. Genuine friends and people who love you won’t even think about your skin, everyone else can go look at someone else.

I have a facial birthmark. I grew up with a mother who was very sensitive about these things, and it’s effect on my “looks”. I was taken to the dr at regular intervals, the gp would often agree about it being “unsightly”- yes that was said in front of teenage me. I’d be referred to dermatology, who would umm and ahh before agreeing any treatment would leave worse scarring. In the meantime my mum made me grow a thick fringe to try and hide it, talk about how i’d be able to use make up to cover it when i was older..

Nobody ever asked me whether it bothered me. It doesn’t. Never has for some reason. I don’t try to hide it or cover it in any way.

It’s part of you. Hard stare and “what’s the problem with my skin? I don’t have a problem with it, do you?” Or similar.

Wow, that's so astonishingly rude!!!

What a complete dick.

Forget them and their social ineptness. Your face is your face, love yourself and forget the idiots.

Hideous person, who said that to you!! I'm struggling to think of the context.

My teen DD suffers from quite bad eczema on her arms and has got her first part time job in a local café - someone complained to the manager about her being 'contagious' and working in a food environment .

So rude! Sounds like a very jealous person picking at something to me to make themselves feel better
However I understand as also have acne scarring. I highly recommend Prof Chu at the West London Dermatology clinic. I have been seeing him at Hammersmith hospital for years and bow my acne is under control he os tackling mu scars. Unfortunately he has just stopped his clinic at Hammersmith.l so Chiswick the only option.

I've had dermapen and subscion but he says there are 4/5 different types of scars and they need different treatment - i know he's used an acid too.I have only had 2 treatments but it has really helped.

Definitely jealous of you. You must have some lovely quality that's eating her/him up. People who say things like that have real hang-ups.

WOW. They must've thought long and hard about how best to stick the knife in there. What an IRL troll. Definitely fits into the 'says more about them than you' category.

I'm not one for 'they're just jealous of you babez' responses, I think most situations are more nuanced than that: but that comment???

That's textbook 'why has this person got all the things I want I know I will make them feel like shit'.

Oh, that's not nice to hear. I agree that you have to just let it wash over you, as hard as that is to do. Maybe try to focus on the dozens of people who come in and out of your life every day who have never mentioned it. Probably some don't notice at all- many of us are pretty unobservant. For example, I didn't notice when my friend had lost a lot of weight after not seeing her for a while. She looked great, don't get me wrong, but I just don't think I pay much attention to what people look like!

I have acne scarring like yours. I've had fractional laser which was fairly disastrous as it left me with hyper-pigmentation, so it was a very costly and painful mistake!

The worst comment I ever had was from an elderly family member on my husband's side, who studied my chin and mused: 'It's such a shame about your skin. You could be so pretty if it wasn't for that'. It took years for the sting to go out of that memory.

I think you have to accept that the person who said that was trying to put you down, for reasons of their own that has nothing at all to do with you. Jealousy, need to control, overspilling bitterness with the whole world- could be any of those.

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

-Roald Dahl.

Take it as a compliment clearly you are a very confident person, and you should carry on feeling this level of confidence and not let anyone take you down. What a damaged and sad person, I am sure she tries to hurt everyone around her with varying degrees of success, try not to take it personally.

Some acne scarring is not going to make you any less beautiful, it really isn't. This is about her complete lack of self esteem and nothing to do with you, she deserves your pity.

That is an absolutely awful thing to say to anyone, and it's hard to believe it's just thoughtless and not an attempt to sabotage the "confidence" this person so admires.

Be you, and be loved for who you are, as you are.

Yesterday, I had all my hair cut off. I had pretty long curly hair before, but I found I wasn't being taken seriously, particularly by men. I've chosen a hard, urban, punky short style instead and I've swapped my Mumsey clothes for architecturally cut ones. The look not pretty, but for the first time in ages I feel like ME. And I'm going to take that ME out there and kick some ass! Live life on your own terms, and don't allow yourself to be diminished to how someone else sees you.

grumpoldcatsnurse

What a beautiful quote, well timed and something for us all to think about (as I fume about the amount of times I have been cut up by other drivers today, think lovely thoughts and sunbeams)

I thought negging as well serendipity. That or a 15 year old who thinks they're being clever and subtle.

Sounds like they are jealous of you and it's a passive aggressive dig at you.

thanks littlebird ! someone else put it on a different thread and reminded me of it.

bumble just ignore them. they are saying more about themselves than you .

What an arsehole. Their mean comment shows they are a horrible person and you are best off having as little as possible to do with them.

I've just randomly posted my reply on another thread

But,

I really admire your confidence ...

The only real comeback to that is 'Thanks, if you need help working on your self esteem I'm more than happy to point you in the right direction.'

like off a cliff

paranoid

I love that !

"You're pretty confident yourself, considering your personality".

Yeah acne's a bitch and some people doubly so.

I had an ex who grimaced once when he saw me without makeup on and acne shown in all its glory. Complete strangers full of their great ideas, 'have you tried washing your face', 'have you tried not wearing makeup'....Fuck. Off.

There is an implication in her comment that only certain, perfect, people deserve self-confidence. Wilfully stupid, or deliberately cruel, either way feel free to pull that bitch up on her shitty attitude.

She's a Bitchcunt. Not worth your attention, but I know how insidious that sort of thing is. I'm sorry it happened, but you're right, there are always parts of ourselves that we will feel less happy with - mine is skin, too.

Her nasty comment will fade and you will continue to be the lovely person you are with the people who love you and see past such petty things, and your life will be full of love and laughter and joy