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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist on dd not having 12 film for her 12th birthday party?

53 replies

colourdilemma · 29/09/2017 08:38

I might be being over precious on behalf of other parents or might be spot on-I guess it's a proper AIBU!

Dd is in year seven and is having a birthday pizza/movie at our house. She's 12 and in any case, as long as we've checked it out, we have allowed some 12 films before. Of course, most of her friends that are coming are not 12 yet!

Thing is, I don't know the other parents well (at all-they're all new friends from secondary!!) and don't want to do a 12 film if their parents don't want to. And I equally don't want to put them on the spot by asking - potentially either they'll say yes under pressure or no but feel uncomfortable.

Am I over thinking this? And if no 12 movie, can anyone suggest some good 12a or P G films that she won't think are babyish?!!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 29/09/2017 08:40

Why can’t you just ask? I wouldn’t mind being asked and it’s not putting people on the spot.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 29/09/2017 08:41

Just ask the parents involved - I doubt most would mind at all!

gamerchick · 29/09/2017 08:42

Tbh IMO those parents who are so ridged and strict about age ratings certainly wouldn’t feel pushed into agreeing if they didn’t want to.

Crumbs1 · 29/09/2017 08:42

Just ask. I,can't imagine any saying no. You'll have to get used to asking other parents despite your children saying it's cringe. You might even make some new friends along the way.

Backingvocals · 29/09/2017 08:42

I'd be fine with that. Not happy about the mum who chose a 15 for a party of 10 yos but this would be fine imo.

QueenArseClangers · 29/09/2017 08:43

A lot of '12' films that are on DVD are actually rated 12A in the cinema.

I always look on Common Sense Media or the parent guide on IMDB to see if a film's suitable.

titchy · 29/09/2017 08:44

You're overthinking it! Their kids will all be 12 soon and no parent in their right mind would object to an almost 12 yo watching a 12 film. So ask! (Just in care there's one...)

MonkeyJumping · 29/09/2017 08:44

Ask them, but about the specific film not just the rating.

AChickenCalledKorma · 29/09/2017 08:45

I have two summer born children who would have been the 11yo guests at the party. And one of them can't cope with scary films. So I would have appreciated a heads up about what you are intending to show, so that she could decide whether she wanted to be there. But that could be easily done by putting details on the invitation.

titchy · 29/09/2017 08:45

Actually queen makes a good point - I THINK all 12a are classified as 12 for the home video market as they can't guarantee the presence of an adult at home.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 29/09/2017 08:45

A 12 film on video will have been a 12A at the cinema so has been available for those under 12 to see with adult supervision. The 12 rating applies to the purchase of the video.

As a parent it would depend on the particular film and the child. Just ask if they're ok with that choice of film.

CocoPuffsinGodMode · 29/09/2017 08:46

Presumably they're pretty close to 12 though, surely? Unless some of the dc are years younger then you're probably overthinking this one.

More important to consider the film content than the age rating anyway so if you're able to say what 12 films you have in mind I'm sure plenty of MNers could comment.

nobutreally · 29/09/2017 08:46

We had exactly the same situation, and just sent a message to the parents and asked - I think we may have texted given them a list of the films we were thinking about and asked if there were any they weren't comfortable with (pointing out the 12As). I thought that might be an easier approach than getting a blanket 'are you happy with any 12A? question (e.g. ds is very easily scared, so I'd be up for him watching swearing and 12A sex, but would be more cautious of something that would freak him out)

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 29/09/2017 08:47

As Queen says on the 12A/12 issues - 12A rating for watching films at home doesn't actually exist. All 12's are 12As at cinema. The 12 is in reference to actually buying or renting the film, you have to be over 12.

I would have no issue with this, but you could just ask? Maybe once youv'e selected the film so rather than 'Can they watch a 12?' 'I have got X film for them, is that OK?'

chantico · 29/09/2017 08:50

"A lot of '12' films that are on DVD are actually rated 12A in the cinema..

All '12' films that are on DVD are rated 12A in the cinema

There is no such thing as a 12A DVD nor a 12 screening. They are the same rating for the different viewing conditions of the different formats.

2014newme · 29/09/2017 08:50

Choose a film then check with parents

Lenl · 29/09/2017 08:50

As a pp said, 12a is a rating for cinema only. Once a 12a film is released on DVD it is rated a 12. If you're happy with 12a then any DVD rated 12 would be the same.

chantico · 29/09/2017 08:50

X-posted!

LoniceraJaponica · 29/09/2017 08:51

I would have thought at secondary school the OP might not know the parents anyway.

Fekko · 29/09/2017 08:51

What films were you thinking of?

LadyinCement · 29/09/2017 08:58

If you look on the iMBD site it has a parents' guide and will tell you why a film has been given a rating. So it will tell you if there is bad language, sex scenes, violence and what it is.

Very useful because a bit of swearing is neither here nor there but I watched a 15 with 14-year-old dd last week and there was a no holds barred sex scene which was a bit much.

Some films have extraordinarily tough ratings. Misery is a brilliant film but it's an 18 for some reason, just because of breaking someone's ankles with a mallet (which you don't even see!). Watched this when dd was about 9!

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 29/09/2017 08:58

Most parents would be fine with it, as long as the film is well chosen - Rat Race is good - some mildly inappropriate scenes but nothing too scary and funny so they don't need to follow the whole story to understand it.

Some suggestions for PGs - Mr Bean' s holiday, Bill and Ted excellent adventure, the Trueman show. They aren't scary and I think that because the main actors are adults (well at least high school) they feel slightly more grown up.

If you want to go all out then Dead Poet Society is bizarrely a PG - particularly among older films there are some anomalies. (Only joking - don't show DPS to a bunch of 11yr olds at a birthday party!).

Fekko · 29/09/2017 09:02

We got a French film (teacher recommended It) when ds was 12. Rating appropriate.

Sex, kids snogging in the school loos, parents driving kids mad by parents bonking very frequently/loudly, teenager rushed to hospital after allergic reaction to condoms (having sexy with his sisters best friend), girl getting first period and bleeding all over the place...

apart from that it was a lovely film!

SaucyJack · 29/09/2017 09:04

As long as it's not something like The Woman In Black (the BBFC must've been drunk when they passed that as a 12), then I don't think any reasonable parent would have a problem with you showing a 12 at a 12th birthday party.

Fekko · 29/09/2017 09:05

WIB gave me the willies and I'm used to ghostly stories!

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