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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist on dd not having 12 film for her 12th birthday party?

53 replies

colourdilemma · 29/09/2017 08:38

I might be being over precious on behalf of other parents or might be spot on-I guess it's a proper AIBU!

Dd is in year seven and is having a birthday pizza/movie at our house. She's 12 and in any case, as long as we've checked it out, we have allowed some 12 films before. Of course, most of her friends that are coming are not 12 yet!

Thing is, I don't know the other parents well (at all-they're all new friends from secondary!!) and don't want to do a 12 film if their parents don't want to. And I equally don't want to put them on the spot by asking - potentially either they'll say yes under pressure or no but feel uncomfortable.

Am I over thinking this? And if no 12 movie, can anyone suggest some good 12a or P G films that she won't think are babyish?!!

OP posts:
Fekko · 29/09/2017 09:06

Trendy Japanese anime ?

Alexandra87 · 29/09/2017 09:06

My son is 7 and was recently invited to the cinema for a friends birthday to see a 12 certificate film. The mother asked first I said it was fine. As long as you mention it I can't see anyone having a problem.

User843022 · 29/09/2017 09:07

A 12 cert for y7 DC, am I missing something? Most will watching 15s at their friends houses by now, so no I don't think you need to check with the parents.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 29/09/2017 09:08

Agree - choose film, ask parents. Personally, although I'm pretty hot on ratings, I wouldn't be hugely fussed about my dc seeing a typical* 12 in Y7, even if they were still 11.

*Because I agree about the strange anomalies. Here in Germany, Love Actually is a 6, for example Shock (they have 0, 6, 12 instead of U, PG, 12). Not that it's a kids'-birthday-party kind of film, but you can bet I wouldn't have wanted my 6yo to see it!

Springersrock · 29/09/2017 09:10

My eldest daughter's birthday is the beginning of September and had the same dilemma the first year of high school

I checked with the parents - they were all fine

From the other side of it, I also have an August born daughter - birthday girls' parents checked with me

TatianaLarina · 29/09/2017 09:11

I had Officer and a Gentleman for my 12th bday which is a 15. It was brilliant.

TatianaLarina · 29/09/2017 09:13

A 12 cert for y7 DC, am I missing something? Most will watching 15s at their friends houses by now, so no I don't think you need to check with the parents.

Quite. Finding a 12 they haven't seen will be a challenge - Twilight, Hunger Games etc.

EverythingWillBeGreat · 29/09/2017 09:13

Use your common sense.
Seriously, most of the children in Y7 will have seen some 15 rated films. The language they are using at school is .... well I'm sure you can imagine.
It's not as if they had never been in contact with swear words etc...

Do the same than yourself umwoiod with your own dd.

What I think is much more important is to check what sort of films her friends enjoy.
I know ds2 has friends who wouod really not like films with some sort of violence. But they all enjoyed humour. So that's what they watched even though it was a film rated 12mwith plenty of swear words.
A film rated U but more violent wouod have been welcomed.
Hope it makes sense!

ItWentInMyEye · 29/09/2017 09:15

I would ask, as PP have said, some kids can handle things differently to others. My 9 year old DS's teacher recently told his class to ask if they could watch Troy! Shock

AChickenCalledKorma · 29/09/2017 09:17

Myrtle my 15 year old hasn't yet watched a 15, by her own choice, because she loathes scary/violent movies. So it's certainly not true that "they've all done it". I think it's great that the OP has the consideration to realise that not all kids are the same. But telling them what's on offer is absolutely fine, so they can make their own decision.

Santawontbelong · 29/09/2017 09:19

Have you a film in mind op?

peachgreen · 29/09/2017 09:19

I completely agree that you shouldn't screen a 12 without parental permission. Personally I think kids watch things way too young these days and would be angry if another parent made that decision for me, regardless of what they might watch at home / hear at school etc. Personally I'd get DD to choose a PG and be done with it.

SaucyJack · 29/09/2017 09:23

"Quite. Finding a 12 they haven't seen will be a challenge - Twilight, Hunger Games etc."

A tenner says it's Wonder Woman.

Oblomov17 · 29/09/2017 09:23

Really? A PG? Surely this isn't an issue. Surely, nearly 12 year olds can watch a 12 film.

I wouldn't even check with the parents. I'd just take it as a given.

The real problem is that most of them will think it's weak, and many of them will want a 15 film. I suspect.

User843022 · 29/09/2017 09:25

'So it's certainly not true that "they've all done it". I think it's great that the OP has the consideration to realise that not all kids are the same.'

No I agree just most do. I was quite strict with DC then at 12 she had a friend over they wanted to watch a 15 I checked IMDb nothing graphic or scary checked with the parents then I found they'd been watching 15s for months! I wasn't impressed. So yes, should always check if 12 yr kids can watch 15 but 12 certs? No. Imo.

SnowiestMountain · 29/09/2017 09:27

What film is it?? If we know that we can give a better opinion, but even not knowing the film I'm inclined to say it's fine

Ohyesiam · 29/09/2017 09:34

Ask them, then you'll know.
I was in exactly the same situation, they ended up watching Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants, which they loved.

poppy54321 · 29/09/2017 09:37

Everyone is saying ask but at this age I would just say we will be watching a 12. If you are doing invites or texting / emailing would just put film (12) in brackets, if not then say when they drop off. I would check online also as I have seen one 12 that I thought should have been a 15 with sex going on in a toilet.

TatianaLarina · 29/09/2017 09:41

15s are not necessarily scary or violent.

Hope and Glory (about a boy set in WWII) is a 15. It's some got some brief kissing and a couple of swear words afair.

Original poster
colourdilemma · 29/09/2017 18:59

Thanks all! Really helpful as ever! It's pitch perfect that we're thinking of. New problem now-all have seen it already Grin

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 29/09/2017 19:01

Just ask the parents. I can't see the parents of a child who is a few months away from 12 objecting. It seems mean just to say no you can't.

Original poster
colourdilemma · 29/09/2017 19:30

Tatiana-hope and glory was my first ever 15 film! I thought my friend's parents were so risqué taking us-but you're right-nothing too dreadful at all. It really does depend on the film. There are plenty of p g films I'd feel funny about dd watching. Themes are sometimes more tricky than sex/violence.

OP posts:
Maplestaple · 29/09/2017 19:41

Has pitch perfect for sex in it? I'm sure I've seen it but can't remember. Dd1 says all her friends have seen it.

Pengggwn · 29/09/2017 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Davenotdave · 29/09/2017 19:55

hocus pocus is a pg I believe. Brilliant film and good for this time of year.

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