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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell her i know she’s lying?

49 replies

MrsFoxPlus4 · 28/09/2017 21:00

My childhood friend of 10 years constantly lies.

Sometimes about some serious stuff, I usually try catch her out by saying “oh you told me the appointment was today” and she’ll brush it off as forgetful.

But she lies about partners names and jobs, where she lives, her family, driving, drinking, her diet, her pets, her friends.

It’s constant, and I don’t know why she does it with me. Iv known her years I don’t care about her lifestyle as long as she’s not hurting anyone or herself.

I just don’t know weather to ignore her or tell her the lying needs to stop.

It’s so negative and draining.

OP posts:

nightshade · 28/09/2017 21:09

Bizarre....personally speaking I'd ask her why but then I'm a nosy bint....

Original poster

MrsFoxPlus4 · 28/09/2017 21:17

Iv tried I’ll try say your talking rubbish you told me this, and she’ll just make up an elesbrate story. She told me the doctor signed her off as not being fit for work, her anxiety/not leaving the house was far to bad and she couldn’t possibly find a job. Fair enough we all have our own battles, only 2 weeks after she said this is working and at college... I asked if she was feeling better and she said just nope but the doctor said she had to get out and do something with her life. I’d have thought maybe trying to go to the shops yourself, or get a hobby would be easing your way back into a somewhat normal life. Not full force throwing yourself into the world 2 weeks after telling me she hadn’t left the house in weeks.

OP posts:

Shesaysso · 28/09/2017 21:17

I had a friend like this many years ago. She would lie to the group of friends about the most mundane things i.e what she'd had for tea the night before. Which supermarket she'd gone to after work - really strange. We never really got to the bottom of why she did it and eventually fell out over it all. It was such a shame because other than this seemingly pointless lying she was really nice.

nightshade · 28/09/2017 21:29

Join her in fantasy world and start telling lots of big porkies all of the time?

Original poster

MrsFoxPlus4 · 28/09/2017 22:56

That’s exactly it despite her porkies she’s a really good friend! I might just start leading a double life 😂

OP posts:

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 28/09/2017 23:03

I have a friend who makes small subtle lies all the time too. It's so bizzare, I'll know he is lying because he also speaks differently when it's a lie, but it'll be really minion stuff like 'so and so said this to me' or 'I've been there twice before' when he never has. I don't understand why you'd bother but he seems to not be able to help himself. I always question it.

Bambamber · 28/09/2017 23:13

IME it will only get worse and one day she will start telling you a porkie that actually involves you despite you both knowing it's not true, and she'll probably be so investep in the lie she may even start to believe it!

Original poster

MrsFoxPlus4 · 28/09/2017 23:22

I think she actually believes the lies! Like I have never met her partner, they’ve been together a year he’s in the police super busy. Allegedly. Told me his name was Scott showed me photos. He had some pretty cool tattoos... couple of months later she said his name was something else. Snap chatted photos of him holding there new puppy... no tattoos completely different guy.

OP posts:

username7979 · 28/09/2017 23:25

Can you really trust someone like this?

Original poster

MrsFoxPlus4 · 28/09/2017 23:35

Well it’s at that point where I don’t invite her over, haven’t invited her to meet by newborns. And I don’t reslly tell her anything of any significance now. Which is a shame

OP posts:

GardenGeek · 28/09/2017 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

silkpyjamasallday · 29/09/2017 08:38

I had a friend like this at school, most of her lies were inconsequential, but they started to escalate and she was accusing her mum of all sorts of crazy stuff like burning hundreds of pounds worth of notes on the hob that her dad had given her for a festival because he was late giving it and insisting the girl pay it back. Some girls in our year found her diary and a secret YouTube account where she was living a total fantasy life. She got bullied horribly for it. I think she was just very troubled and had very low self esteem, I just feel so sorry for her.

I would guess your friend is similar OP, they are just not happy in themselves and feel the need to embellish their lives. It's annoying to be around but confrontation won't lead to anything, my friend was unwilling to engage when people tried to talk to her about why she lied. You just have to decide whether they are worth keeping in your life, lies included.

KnotsNCrosses · 29/09/2017 08:51

I knew someone like that, lied about everything but couldn't keep them straight either and would change details half way through the story. We gave him the nickname Walter Mitty (out of hearing obviously) . Trust is a pretty big thing and I can't have someone like that in my life. You can just pity them if you can deal with it. I couldn't as I felt like they were taking me for a fool.

shooeghMcFee · 29/09/2017 09:01

I had a friend who used to lie, too. I think he felt inadequate and he thought it was making him look more interesting. The trouble was that he was completely transparent. Anyway one time I got really pissed and called him out on all of it. He admitted it actually. I don't think it did our friendship much good, I haven't seen him for years.

shooeghMcFee · 29/09/2017 09:03

Anyway, if i were you OP I would call her out on it. How can there be a proper friendship if she's talking a load of shit all the time?

Expat38matt · 29/09/2017 09:14

Sounds very odd why is she your friend ?

I recently had a friend who owes me money ghost me and then reappear to tell me she was sorry but not only was she bankrupt she had cervical cancer but wasn't going to tell anyone including family
Weirdly mutual friends have stayed friends with her even though I've told them this messed up lie she told so I ditched them all!!

Expat38matt · 29/09/2017 09:15

Oh I missed out that obviously the cancer was bullshit as she's a singer in a band and was posting photos of their gigs looking 100% healthy and cancer free !

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 29/09/2017 09:26

I had a colleague like this - worryingly we were coppers, I don't think someone this deceitful should be.
She told us she had "face cancer", had been raped, had pulled Peter Andre, these were amongst the most outrageous but it was constant.
I didn't used to let her get away with the small stuff but when someone tells you they've been raped (she told me in a very blunt and unemotional way however I know that there is no 'correct' way to talk about it) you can't exactly call BS can you...
So she got away with loads.
But you're never going to trust that person are you? She was 'assaulted' at work and told everybody that someone had spat in her mouth. She went to hospital and had to receive treatment for it and was off for weeks with some mystery illness. I was close friends with my line managers and they knew she was full of shit but didn't know how to call her out/catch her out.
Awful.

Santawontbelong · 29/09/2017 09:31

Maybe you should win the lottery and go off radar for a good while??

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 29/09/2017 09:39

I have a family member like this. She constantly posts things on FB that we (her family) know for a fact aren't true or are extremely exaggerated. Her latest really pissed me off as it involved something medical I have suffered with for my whole life that is extremely rare. She is now saying her daughter has this which we all know is bollocks.
As a pathological liar she has been convicted of benefit fraud, claiming single parent benefits when married and both her and her husband were claiming tax credits for the children in two separate claims.
As much as I would love to say something my Grandmother is ever the peacekeeper and has asked us not to say anything so we don't.
Oh and she didn't learn from her conviction she is openly "on the fiddle" again...

campingismyjam17 · 29/09/2017 09:42

My sister lies. Haven't seen her for many years as I couldn't trust her. She used to let me down all of the time when she was meant to be looking after my daughter. Hated seeing daughter so disappointed all of the time. My sister would lie about stuff that had happened to us as kids. i knew they were lies, I was there!

hannah1992 · 29/09/2017 09:45

I used to be friends with someone like this. Only for about a year then I distanced myself because it got on my nerves. We met in the playground our kids were in the same class. Started off just chit chatting then going for coffee etc.

It started with her telling me about her divorce, she told me he had had an affair. However, as chance would have it her exh started working at the same company as my dh and he had told him that she was the one who had an affair and he left (this was a few months later). Then she lied about her son having ADHD. She later admitted she told people that because she can't handle his behaviour (he's 12. Not very badly behaved but occasionally will lose his temper if he doesn't get his own way).

Since we haven't been talking much lately I've since found out that she's had lots of friends that have distanced themselves because she lies about various things.

Coffeeandcherrypie · 29/09/2017 09:49

Yes, had a friend who lied at school, made up a new step-dad who was wonderful to her, amongst other inconsequential things.

She had been abused as a child, so I think it was a form of fantasy life.

But her lies didn't hurt anyone else.

I have a colleague at work who lies and gets away with it and is harmful to others. Much more toxic.

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 29/09/2017 09:52

Maybe she's a compulsive liar? I know someone who has been diagnosed as one and she started off with small things like where she had been or what she'd eaten, then it escalated to where she was from and then it got to a major point of telling my family member that she's married to (and everyone else) that she'd had a MC which we had confirmed wasn't true.

Its very odd but is indeed a real MH issue.

Piewraith · 29/09/2017 09:57

I have a friend like this and I find there is no point confronting them, as they just tell more lies and you end up spending ages discussing it. I find the best way is to either literally ignore her when she is lying, or move on in the quickest way possible without acknowledging or reacting to the lie.

For example:
Friend: Today at work a crazy man came in and murdered my colleague!
Me: Hmm that's weird, anyway have you seen the new James Bond movie yet?

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