To tell her i know she’s lying?

[MrsFoxPlus4]

My childhood friend of 10 years constantly lies.

Sometimes about some serious stuff, I usually try catch her out by saying “oh you told me the appointment was today” and she’ll brush it off as forgetful.

But she lies about partners names and jobs, where she lives, her family, driving, drinking, her diet, her pets, her friends.

It’s constant, and I don’t know why she does it with me. Iv known her years I don’t care about her lifestyle as long as she’s not hurting anyone or herself.

I just don’t know weather to ignore her or tell her the lying needs to stop.

It’s so negative and draining.

I have a relative like this. Been like it their whole life, but otherwise perfectly normal!

"Oh Bob, did you remember to get some milk on the way home?"
"No there has been a nationwide recall on all milk"

Instead of just saying they forgot.

It's very odd. They tell different fibs to different people, and if you collectively try and call them on it, it turns into an utterly outrageous compound lie.

So if Bob tells Julie there was a recall on the milk, but has told Claire that every single shop in town was shut, then it will end up as every shop in the country is shut and all cows have been tested for mad cow hence no milk. It's endless.

And if you really push it, then YOU look like the one with the problem you can't let go!

I had a friend like this... After a group of us got together and confronted her she did actually stop, but to this day I can't help wondering what kind of person could outright lie to their friends like that...

In what way is she 'such a good friend' to you ?

You can't believe what she says and you don't invite her to your home - so on what is your friendship based? Genuine question, I can't see what you get from this 'friendship'.

Sociopaths lie and if called out will lie further. They are often people, with low self esteem, who try to cover it up. I'm not saying all the examples of people in this are sociopaths but it is likely some are.

She wasn’t like this when we were younger at least I don’t think she was I never caught her out.

Talking about telling lies bluntly and with no emotion, she told me her ex raped and beat her up. She was even in woman’s aid for a while (at least that’s what she told me) but she’s back at her mums. Anytime she talks about it she doesn’t get upset, still has his name tattooed on her. The guy was never charged for it either.

She also said a few months ago she was pregnant, to the point I said to y mum “I think she’s lying again, and I’m saying it out loud before anything happens to her or the baby” 2 weeks later she’s misscarried, nothing else was said apart from a quote on Facebook and her mum even asked what the post was about, swiftly deleted it.

I don’t think I can continue our friendship. Even if she tells me a funny story now and I tell DH he just looks at me like probably never happened.

Her lies have progressively got worse over the last year to year & 6 months.

She was a good friend because she helped me out going through college. Would watch my son whiles I had night classes and DH would normally be my model for whatever I needed. When I lost my daughter she was so supportive. When I was a confused 14 year old self harming and taking drugs she told my mother so I could get the proper help I needed. Anytime Iv have needed a friend in the past 10 years she’s went above and beyond for me, as have I her.

My life is better now, married, kids, husband & my own salon. But i don’t think she needs to lie to make her life seem interesting. I may have a decent life but it’s not interesting, it’s just a normal family life.

She sounds like a really good friend op. I think I'd just try the smile and nod technique when she's lying, and take everything she says with a pinch of salt. My dsd tells small lies - anecdotes really, and the conclusion is always that she's a hero surrounded by idiots. I put it down to low self esteem and try not to think any less of her attempts to impress. I'd only judge her badly if her lies adversely affected others (i.e. lying about others), but your friend's lies seem to be all about herself.

had a friend like this.later after help she told me in floods of tears it was her failings in herself and her failure she felt she and her life and behaviour was that caused it.she was detraught about the lies,or stories she felt the need to tell because she simply didn't feel at place or good enough for anyone in her life.it was really hard to hear and when she explained I did get it a bit more.
I think when you grow up with people you stem off and do different things and some can either feel or get left behind.after being on such a same level through schools/young age then to go it alone and make ahead or fall behind can get really tricky and some people cope with that differently.or don't cope at all.
I know I new very little of what was going on underneath for my friend I only saw what I thought or she let me.shed been in a real struggle.
if shes a good friend apart from this and a lovely person thre has to be more to her lies.
of course does depend how far the lies go.hurtful ones...hmm she needs help.

I know someone like this. She always plays on being severely mentally ill. She does dramatic depictions of how bad her ocd is yet i have seen her psychiatrist letter that said she had traits of ocd. Not full blown ocd. Makes me cringe but i dont have the strength to ask her why.

I'd just distance myself. I really couldn't be fucked to exhaust my mental resources on dealing with it and nodding along. It would give me the rage and therefore I'd just leave her to it. Life is far too short to suffer this kind of shit.

I think you need to be a good friend to her now.
Sit her down and talk to her in a non judgemental way about the lies.

Try and use a non emotive one that is clearly a falsehood, so, 'You and I both know you've never been to America,' not, 'I know you're pretending to have a boyfriend.'

Tell her how much you care but that it's affecting your friendship. Encourage her to get help.
Genuinely good friends are surprisingly hard to find. I'd be helping her get to the bottom of this and move on with her life if I were you.

I knew someone like this and had no choice but to cut them off. It's draining. They lied about children supposedly doing things that they'd clearly done all the way up to 'I think I've got schizophrenia as I stabbed myself in the night' (I bumped into her in the street hours after this supposed stabbing) and 'I had a liver transplant yesterday' - Again, day after, bumped into her shopping!

They even went as far as to take the piss out of my illness. Also told a group of friends i'd supposedly told her I got engaged, but was pregnant with another mans child - I was and still am single and not pregnant.

It's draining.

My DH doesn’t want her in our house anymore, Iv tried saying oh I’m going to the shops do you need anything I’ll pop round, she’s never in. Or do you wanna chill and get a takeaway (this is about as much free time as I’m gonna get my twins are in hospital). She never wants to, I don’t want to say over texts I think I might just have to say something the next time definitely along the lines of “we both know that’s not true what’s up with you” if it doesn’t work I might just need to distance myself.

Would it help to try to understand why she lies?

I had a friend just like this, it was more that she would 'exaggerate' than outright lie. They were always harmless, just a bit bizarre, like if she had been somewhere once she would lie about going there all the time. There would always be just enough truth in it to keep a story straight and be believable but it was often obvious things didn't match up.

Anyway, one day she just stopped. She used to agree with everything everyone said and play up to whatever social situation she was in, trying to impress everyone, then me and other friends noticed she just wasn't lying anymore.

I think it was because she was just really insecure and scared of people judging her. She was trying to impress people by making things up and mainly just wanted people to like her, but the lying usually ended up in the opposite.

It used to annoy me but looking back, I just feel sorry for her. She obviously suffered from some anxiety and MH issues and used lying as an escapism. Just thought I'd offer a point of view from the friend?

If you get to the bottom of why she is lying maybe you could approach her in a supportive, 'how can I help' way rather than confronting her and making her panic, which will just make her lie to you about all the lies.

I think it must go further than we are getting the gist of If ur dh doesn't want her in house.
sounds like she has some serious problems.
if yur to distance yourself might be worth trying to et some honesty out of her first then.doesnt harm if your stepping away to just try one last helpful offer?or at least for your sanity to know what this is all about

I forgot to add, she is married now with a family and just seems generally happier. I think she struggled in her teens especially and through her 20s just 'grew out of it'.

How old is your friend can I ask? Immaturity often comes with a lack of self confidence... perhaps she will grow out of it too

My DH just doesn’t like liars, or negative energy. It’s our house if I wanted her round I could do, he just rather I didn’t. I think the next time she says something I’m going to have to say something I don’t know why it annoys me so much.

I’m 25, she’s only just turned 24.

She’s such a story teller the other day she said I need to get my birth lines Iv lost my copy, I said oh you can buy new ones anyways. She went I wasn’t born here I was born on a island 🙄 I went yeah right where, she went I don’t remember my aunts gonna post me them anyway. I was like okay I never new that 😂

These sorts of people are exhausting. The lies get worse snd first you start going along with it to keep the peace , then you find you can't remember what is the reality and what they said instead and it gets hard to keep up. I knew someone like this wouldn't calm them a friend but went to the same club as me . Baked fabulous cakes as good as ASDA and LIDL , open university course in my field , numerous illnesses and a miscarriage - worried she might steal a baby a bit later on so relieved by that one-the other illnesses were a complete pain and very very attention seeking which is what it was all about . And yes . benefit fraud and probably feigning illness to get LA house too.
Eventually I called her out on it all, she left the group and found a new group to cling to. Good riddance .
My MIL also has these tendencies too , best way to deal with it was to go along with her pretend illnesses e.g. Coeliacs- ok no cake or treats for you then . Ditto diabetes. Terminate telephone calls when clearly attention seeking. She is getting less annoying now I call her out by going along with it and making sure she takes the pain with the attention she craves. But then also give her attention when she is not behaving badly . I.e. Treat her like the child / toddler she behaves like .

That's still quite young... some people's 'teens' go into their twenties. Maybe she is still very insecure and anxious about her self image and uses lies to build herself up.

That last example is so juvenile, the way children start to make up stories when they learn that they can. People lie for so many reasons; to avoid blame, not get caught for something they have done, to get attention and even to hurt others. But this sounds like she just wants your approval and to be interesting. Sadly, she's doing the opposite.

If she is really annoying you, the kindest thing you can do is sever ties, she would probably be upset to think people just see her as an annoyance. If she believes the lies she's telling, she may be inventing a reality to live in because her life just doesn't make her happy.

If you are able to be patient with her for just a little longer, see if you can help. I feel more sorry for her than annoyed with her but then... I haven't been her friend for years like you have! It depends how much more you can take

If she was just lying about herself I probably wouldn't bother too much and call her out in a joking way but you say she is lying about her family, is she also lying about you and your family? Liars are dangerous people, I'd be slowly backing off.

I know someone like this. We have the same hobby so although we're not at all close I see her regularly through the year. She's older than me but every time the group of friends she has get irritated by all the crap she chats, she drops down to be friends with the next youngest group. Her friends generally now are significantly younger than me.

It's sad and I could never be at all close to her. Literally everything she says in RL or online I think 'that's a lie' about. Which is a shame, because I'm sure about 10% of the time it's true!

I knew someone like this. She was my best friend, but when I began a relationship with my now DH she began to tell me all kinds of things that were going on in her life. She only ever told me, no one else. No one would have believed me, as she was so sweet and quiet.

It got to the point where I didn't know what was real and what were lies. She told me tales which put the fear of God into me regarding my safety. I assumed these stories would be true because why would anyone tell such tales. She wasn't boring, and had a full life, so why, why?

It carried on until she moved away for work. When she came back to our town and tried to start it all again, I was blunt with her and told her that enough was enough.

Her lies cost our friendship as we do not speak any more. The day I walked away, knowing I would never have to put up with her lies for the sake of "peace and harmony", was like a millstone being removed from my neck. I could finally breathe!