To be utterly exhausted

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I want to get off the treadmill. My day goes like this:
Up at 6 (though I usually haven't slept well and have woken several times, so I'm exhausted).
Get kids up. Nag them to get up and get dressed. Get myself up and dressed. Do house jobs like feed cat, put food in slow cooker etc. Leave house at 7.30. Drop two youngest kids with grandparents for them to be taken to school. Drive dd1 to high school which is near the school I work at.
Do photocopying and admin stuff. Teach all day with a club at lunch. Get dd1 and tutor for an hour sometimes, before picking other two from after school club.
Do the usual dinner and washing up. Wash uniform and nag dc about homework and teeth and bath etc. Do some school work. Collapse into bed. And repeat.
I have depression, sleep poorly and also now need to fix a serious fault with my car.
I have nothing left.

@Farontothemaddingcrowd how are things?

I have just hosted a birthday party and organised a sleepover. Feeling like a glutton for punishment but I think the anti depressants are working a little.

That’s really great, it does take a little while to feel the benefit. Sounds like fun but hard work. :)

Pretty drained today. Don't think I slept well last night. Excitable kids. I feel this awful heaviness.

How’s everything else going?

Re home the cat for starters and prioritise your life.

Cats are lovely don't get me wrong, but they are your masters, shed hair, shit and pee everywhere and are another burden in your life.

Downsize that aspect for now. Does your cat really bring you Zen and happiness every day. Maybe it does. At what cost to you though.

I couldn't get rid of my cat. He's not too much trouble really and the kids love him.

Do the kids look after him totally though, or is that all up to you.

You did mention cat in your OP, so that is an issue for you. Be honest.

I would not get rid of the cat, unless he is a terror, as studies have shown pets are good for mental health.

But I think your kids are old enough to get involved with looking after him. Changing the litter tray and feeding the cat are really easy jobs!

They don't change his litter and I do hate that job, but they will feed him. It would honestly devastate dd2 if I got rid of him. He's a very gentle affectionate cat.

Kids are very resilient.

If cat is causing you any angst or is contributing to your depression you have to be sensible about looking after a pet in your circumstances.

My dad had depression when I was a teenager. At one point my mum ended our extracurriculars we couldn't get ourselves too and from, to relieve pressure on them both. I was a bit whingy at the time, but with hindsight it did me no harm at all. Don't be afraid to scale things down a bit with the kids and let them have time at home to chill (do the park if you can though, fresh air and exercise for you all).

How are you @Farontothemaddingcrowd ?

Op I mean this kindly. I have 4 children and work long hours (longer than you, but it's not a competition). You are putting too much pressure on yourself and getting anxious because you have stuff to do. Try giving yourself a slower morning. Surely you don't have to be up at 6 to leave at 7-30? Six is very very early to be routine. Maybe try cooking some easier stuff during the week that you don't need to prepare in the morning.

Buy more uniform (second hand at my school is v v cheap) so you only have to do one uniform wash a week.

I have crap to do most nights (currently changing my bed linen because no one else is going to).

Caring for children is relentless like a treadmill sometimes. I have reminded my daughter daily to do her music practice. She hasn't and lesson is tomorrow. But actually that's down to her, not me. all j can do is encourage. I'm silently seething though.

You need to find someone to talk to about the depression though. I often feel like I'm on my own holding everything together for everyone when no one looks out for me - also trying to manage very sick child and frail elderly parents who think I don't do enough. So I really do get where you are coming from.