To be utterly exhausted

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I want to get off the treadmill. My day goes like this:
Up at 6 (though I usually haven't slept well and have woken several times, so I'm exhausted).
Get kids up. Nag them to get up and get dressed. Get myself up and dressed. Do house jobs like feed cat, put food in slow cooker etc. Leave house at 7.30. Drop two youngest kids with grandparents for them to be taken to school. Drive dd1 to high school which is near the school I work at.
Do photocopying and admin stuff. Teach all day with a club at lunch. Get dd1 and tutor for an hour sometimes, before picking other two from after school club.
Do the usual dinner and washing up. Wash uniform and nag dc about homework and teeth and bath etc. Do some school work. Collapse into bed. And repeat.
I have depression, sleep poorly and also now need to fix a serious fault with my car.
I have nothing left.

I think my husbands issues stem from his childhood rather than his job, we also nearly lost our child at birth so he's had a lot to deal with, he's also passionate about his job so he puts far too much pressure on himself too.

Your exam classes will do much worse if you completely burnt out op. I know that's blunt but it's true. Be kind to yourself. Talk to your doctor and get signed off. You can always plan the next two week lessons over the weekend and send them in. First week just sleep and enjoy it. Second week hire a cleaner and train your children. They don't need nagging anymore it's no good for you. From now on they need to step up a bit. Get themselves ready , buy cakes in. It's not the end of the world. You can always buy plain fairys and decorate them or do what I do. But scones and take them out the packaging and twat them with a rolling pin so they look rustic

Cheat cakes are the best!

I feel like this too sometimes. Not so much exhausted but rather bored? I'm a sahm. I'm up anywhere from half 5-half 6 every single day. (I have a dh that will leave me in bed but if I'm woken I'm awake and can't go back to sleep, so even if he gets up with the kids they've already woken me so I'm up anyway). I do the list checking have you got this and that for my eldest. Making sure teeth are brushed shoes coats bags on youngest sorted and in buggy ready to go. Drop off at school. Come home and try to clean up (not easy with a 20 month old that thinks she's Tarzan). Run around all morning get her for a nap. Eat something quick then go round doing jobs. Washing sweeping wiping picking up blah blah blah then she wakes and the afternoons the same. Then pick dd1 up from school and then there's two of them 😩. Homework reading spellings etc then tea and baths and bed and more cleaning up and crap tv.

Wow. If you read that a few times it will bore you into a decent nights sleep 🤣

I must add though that weekends are better. That is the Monday to Friday routine. Weekends we get out and do stuff which is good but through the week nope. Do you get much chance to take the kids out? Or do you have some you time when it's you're exs weekend? You don't have to stay in bed and sleep even doing things like getting your hair done or nails done or just sitting with the tv and a brew in piece can all make you feel a bit more rejuvenated

I work in mental health, we have so many teachers refer that we run a course for them! Could you get a referral for talking therapy? Google IAPT and your address.

Under these circumstances, I would go to the GP, and explain lack of sleep, depression, anaemia, and how you're struggling.

I would also say to the school that you need your lunch break.

Making things easier, some ideas are buying more uniform to save on washing, don't have baths every night, if kids are 7, 9 and 11 they can definitely pitch in with tidying.

I would try every day to do something for you. Going for a walk at lunch break. Having some time in the evening for you, reading a book, having a bath, anything just so you feel you've got some head space.

Life is terrible without sleep though.

I can recommend Spatone for anaemia, it's much easier on the stomach and doesn't cause constipation.

Hang in there OP, you're doing an amazing job

My friend managed to hold down a very stressful f/t job while going through a very messy divorce, by having a series of au pairs.
Her dc survived and have done very well.
Would that be something you could consider?

I don't have space for an au pair.
I'm so so tired.

Could the dc double up?
I am so sorry for you. It isnt fair.
I suppose there is no point asking why their dad doesnt help more.

OP, I really feel for you. This is a huge amount to be shouldering yourself.

Can we break it down into jobs that the children can do in order to take some of the immediate pressure off? EG 6 year old can gather laundry, separate into piles and 11 year old can then load machine. 9 year old can feed pets. Can 11 year old help with food prep? At that age they should be starting to learn to cook, so you're teaching good long term habits here. You can have a washing up rota too, or do you have space for a dishwasher?

Sorry. I know none of the above is the magic wand you so desperately need but it might help a bit?

I bought 5 school shirts and socks and washed a load once a week.
Hung them straight on hangers and never ironed.
The rest of the uniform got washed once weekly. 2 jumpers could make that once a fortnight.
As long as underwear and shirts are clean I think that is fine.
Endless washing is soul destroying.

How anaemic are you op? This will be making you ill with tiredness and make everything so so much worse. Honestly? I'd take the 2 weeks off the manage iron and anti depressant side effects simultaneously and get that iron up.

How about an after school/part time nanny. Maybe even a neighbour who may want to help out twice a week or something.
I second the cleaner/housekeeper idea as well. Will definitely make life a little easier.
I feel for you OP Hug

Yanbu, I'm not surprised you feel exhausted.

Its the anaemia. Its awful. I have had an iron infusion and it has worked wonders!

Your ex needs to step up big time. Why can't he have responsibility for the children half the time? It's so unfair that you're struggling with everything. Where is he??? I'd warn him that he either steps up or you'll go for 50/50 custody and then he'll have to!

The iron deficiency is going to be a huge huge problem. If you reall can't face the iron tablets could you try Spa Tone? My midwife suggested it after I haemorrhaged with Dd and was very very anaemia. I was also told to eat Steak, chips and broccoli if possible for dinner with something with dark chocolate in for pudding. Not sure if it helped the anaemia but the dark chocolate brownie definitely helped my mood!

@Farontothemaddingcrowd Oh what a huge hug I'm mentally sending you. Hubs and I were talking earlier about the fact that teaching is truly a vocation because no amount of money could entice me into it. Teachers deserve much more than they get!

I'm sorry things are tough right now. I promise you are definitely not the only one living in an exhausting Groundhog Day. We have three under four and every day I just want to bang my head on a wall and grab the wine out of the fridge. I think getting extra uniform is a great idea. Also although grandparents don't want the kids at weekends, would they be willing to help out a bit with things like ironing uniforms? Especially if you explain how run down and exhausted you are? My inlaws do our ironing on ah ad hoc basis and it's such a help!
Another thing I do to save time is to bulk cook and freeze. So if I'm making lasagna/shepherds pie/spag Bol/ curry etc I do a bit of extra prep, bulk it out and freeze the leftovers. So when the baby kicks off and the toddler kicks off and the oldest is losing his shirt because his shirt is too yellow.. I can say fuck it and pull something out of the freezer.

Please don't despair OP. A lot of people feel this way even without depression. I hope the new meds kick in soon and you feel better. In the mean time, im right here with you on that hamster wheel x

Can't you stay in bed longer? Does it take 1.5h to get yourself and kids up and dressed? If you got up 6.30 with oldest got dressed ate the. Youngest up dressed 7. Could they have breakfast at grandparents? Sounds like they are there before 8am. That's one less lot of pushing in the morning and slower start to the day?

I just can't sleep at the moment so the extra half hour does me no good as I'm awake anyway. I'm so tired tonight, I hope I can sleep. I've ordered a takeaway tonight.

Have you tried a Nytol and a glass of wine ? Hardly what the doctor might suggest but you need sleep.

Depression and anaemia are a terrible combination. Honestly, get signed off for a few weeks and REST. Eat well, rest and potter. Allow the Meds to kick in and for your mind and body to recover. And point out to ex that if you get any more seriously ill he will have dc full time.

I'm teetotal at the moment because I find alcohol a depressant, but a nytol might work. I'm scared to get signed off. I haven't been in my job for two years yet, so they could easily get rid of me.

I dont sleep well at all since I lost my son.
I did find camomile tea helped a bit.

I suffer from depression too, OP, in my case connected to PTSD resulting from childhood trauma. I'm on anti-depressants, which do help, but it takes a while before they kick in and you start to feel better. But if it's the right medication for you that will happen. If you find they're not helping, or giving you bad side effects you need to go back to the GP.

And I also recommend Nytol, I use it when I have difficulty sleeping. Or the GP can prescribe something, they will do it but only as a short-term measure.

If you need to take time off to recover, then you should do that.

I hope you start to feel better soon.