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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Ex is a selfish d*ck

35 replies

Winosaurus · 28/09/2017 13:33

Ex and I share custody of 2yo DS, he has him roughly 2 nights a week depending on his work. He's due to have DS tomorrow night - Sat lunch time. Ex has been off work since the end of June with stress playing the system on full salary.
I got a call from DS's nursery at lunch time saying he was poorly and I needed to collect him, which I'm happy to do but it means now I have missed an afternoon's pay.
I called Ex and explained DS was poorly, I'd got a doctor's appointment for this evening and that he won't be able to go to nursery tomorrow so he'll need to have him as I can't take the time off work - in my job I don't get sick or holiday pay. Ex is off tomorrow and will be at home anyway, I will drop DS so he doesn't even have to travel.
The conversation went like this...
Ex: "So I'll have him all day and night?"
Me: "Well yeah"
Ex: "Well what if I want to go out somewhere?"
Me: "Well either take him with you or just stay in. Do you already have plans?"
Ex: "No. But what if I want to do something?"
Me: "So you're doing nothing? What's the issue then?"
Ex: "Well I don't want to be tied down the whole day"
Me: "So you expect me to take more time off work to care for our son when you're at home doing nothing? Are you for real?"
Ex: "I wanted to go to the gym"
Me: "So going to the gym is more important than caring for your son? Why don't you go this afternoon or the other 5/6 days a week you have all to yourself?"
Ex: "You're so selfish, you can't just spring him on me like this?"
Me: "HE'S YOUR SON TOO!!!!"

Angry I'm so angry right now!!! He takes the absolute piss all the time!!!

OP posts:
KC225 · 28/09/2017 13:58

Well that's easy to see why he is an ex.

It sounds as if he saw an opportunity to wind you up.

Hope he steps up tomorrow OP

Original poster
Winosaurus · 28/09/2017 14:06

DS is not going there even if he begs me now, he can obviously still have him tomorrow night but I've made other arrangements.
Such a shame, most parents with shared custody would jump at the chance for extra time with their kids.
Selfish twat has worked his magic then because I am well and truly wound up

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 28/09/2017 14:09

yep he is been a knob...

Can see why he is your Ex.

Santawontbelong · 28/09/2017 14:14

Keep a diary of his flakeyness for future reference. . .

Original poster
Winosaurus · 28/09/2017 14:15

Yep. The man is a total fuckwit and I want to vomit every time I remember that I once let him touch my vagina Grin

OP posts:
RestingBitchFaced · 28/09/2017 16:53

Love the user name OP and YANBU Smile

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 28/09/2017 16:59

Well I don't want to be tied down the whole day

Wow!! What did he think having a child involved?

PollyFlint · 28/09/2017 17:13

Ex: "Well what if I want to go out somewhere?"

Fucking hell, what does he think you do when you want to go out somewhere?! Angry

He sounds like an absolute prick. You have my sympathies.

Original poster
Winosaurus · 28/09/2017 17:25

Exactly polly Confused what the hell does he think I do all day?
Once he said he couldn't have our son until late afternoon (was supposed to having him from 9am) because he was going food shopping?! Seriously... well what does he think every other parent does and why the hell would a food shop take 6 hours? It's painful Angry

OP posts:
Hissy · 28/09/2017 17:41

I’d hve asked him to go and collect him from nursery tbh, seeing as he’s not losing any pay, and that you’d collect after work.

Is he paying you maintenance?

pieceofpurplesky · 28/09/2017 17:45

I feel your pain! Mine is a dick too. DS threw up everywhere and I had an interview. I asked exh who said 'I can't take time off but if you met me know in advance next time I may be able to book time off'

abbsisspartacus · 28/09/2017 17:50

Mine refused to up the child maintenance (long story I can't go csa he works cash jobs) he is vastly underpaying he said no then tried to insist he was buying me a £400 phone which I refused right infront of our eldest son who understands every word and now is taking it out on me Hmm

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 28/09/2017 17:59

How on earth can you give your ex advance warning of when your child is going to vomit? Confused

Cheeseandwin5 · 28/09/2017 18:05

I am not to sure what the problem is apart from your attitude. Your ex is off work and his employer accepts this as does the doctor who signs him off and yet for some reason you obviously want to use it as a hammer to put him down. Your job doesn't have the same benefits or understanding employer and apparently this is also your exs fault. Then you act surprised when he doesn't jump and down to help. I suggest trying to be civil with each other and non judgemental and maybe you can put your daughter first.

Knittedbreasts · 28/09/2017 18:08

I'm wondering what you read cheeseandwin5 :/

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 28/09/2017 18:11

Then you act surprised when he doesn't jump and down to help.

Help? Looking after your own child when they are sick is helping? I thought that was parenting and just about the bare minimum we should expect to do as a parent. I.e; look after our children. The fact that he is off work and OP isn't makes him the obvious person to look after the sick child.

NumberEight · 28/09/2017 18:11

Clearly didn't read the op cheese since the op has a son Hmm

I hear you op. My ex is the same. He sees contact as for his benefit and will only do the bare minimum. Everything else is my job because I'm a woman Angry.

Original poster
Winosaurus · 28/09/2017 18:24

Firstly Ex has a new boss and has openly admitted he's playing the system as he hates the boss and is using he's sick leave to look for other work (or so he says - there's no evidence he's actually been looking for another job)
My job I have chosen as it's term time only so I can have the kids in the school holidays hence why I don't get holiday/sick pay.
I am judging him because he'll be sat at home doing nothing whilst our child needs a parent to look after him and I'm expected ALWAYS to do it, he has never once taken a day off to look after either of our children.
Also why shouldn't he be expected to look after HIS OWN child? It's not helping its parenting Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Winosaurus · 28/09/2017 18:26

Hissy DS can't go into nursery tomorrow because he's poorly

OP posts:
Original poster
Winosaurus · 28/09/2017 18:27

Oh sorry, I see what you mean... you meant today xx

OP posts:
FoxyinherRoxy · 28/09/2017 18:34

Yep. Sounds about standard.

I have stopped asking XH when his DCs need help. He’s either on board with parenting them or isn’t. Fucked if I’m going to ask/beg/ give him the opportunity to say no just to be awkward.

Thing is, mine are now older and can see for themselves which parent regularly disappoints.

ItWentInMyEye · 28/09/2017 18:42

What a prick. My exP is also particularly useless, but I don't let him see it gets to me and our DS certainly had no idea. He'll know who was there for him when he's older. Chin up and think of how many more special menories you get with your DC compared to the useless fuck dad. Flowers I know it's no hep short term, but it really helps me through the tough "I wish I lived with my dad" moments. X

Original poster
Winosaurus · 29/09/2017 09:31

UPDATE
Late last night he relented, apologised and said he'd have DS. We agreed I'd drop him off at 8.30 giving me enough time to drop our DD at school afterwards and then get to work for 9.
I called him 15 times - no answer. Rang the buzzer to his apartment stood in the pouring rain with our sick child - no answer.
I've had to take the day off work now and at 9.20 got a phone call from him panicking asking where DS was and he still sounded pissed from the night before.
I called him a c*nt and hung up. I'm so angry I can't even speak to him right now Angry

OP posts:
AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 29/09/2017 09:48

Wow, what a dick! I'm raging on your behalf! Angry

Original poster
Winosaurus · 29/09/2017 10:30

I've been able to drop DS at Ex's parents house (they're lovely helpful people) because I really can't be taking time off work and now I'm getting abuse on Whatsapp from the Ex for involving them Shock
I had no other choice as he left me in a desperate situaion unnecessarily Angry

OP posts: