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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for your most embarrassing childhood memories

29 replies

Silogreen · 27/09/2017 22:02

my cheeks can still flush when remembering some particularly bad ones -

When I was about 10, my foot went dead while sat on the floor for assembly. A particularly stern teacher had the job of ushering us out at the end - didn't want to get his attention so tried to walk on it and collapsed onto a group of the year above, who were in the row behind. Trying to break my fall, one of my hands landed directly on a boy's genitals and he started screaming. Then the teacher stood over me with his hands on his hips, shouting at me to get up as I lay flailing on the ground, trying to explain, with the whole year laughing. Worst bit was I had reflexively started patting the boys genitals immediately after it happened, in a kind of sorry/there there, make it better way.

There are so many more, mainly involving accidentally pissing myself at school. please tell me I'm not alone in never having gotten over these things!!

OP posts:
fourfuckssake4 · 27/09/2017 22:05

Can't even go there, far to embarrassingBlush

ShirleyPhallus · 27/09/2017 22:06

Going to a friend's house where they had just redone the patio around the pond and so they had all these lovely smooth rocks there.

My friend took great delight in telling me that these rocks had been brought especially from somewhere and were really special. So I asked if I could have one.

10 year old me then had to lug this great fucking rock home only to be told by my dad to take the bloody thing back. Which I didn't but told him I did. Until my friend's mum called and asked for it back.

Why oh why did I do that

Caenea · 27/09/2017 22:08

I once vomited all over myself in the middle of the line-up for assembly.

I tried to catch it in my hands, ending up standing there surrounded by sick, holding two handfuls of it while a teacher sprinkled sawdust over the stuff on the floor while telling me to drop the sick I still held.

It still makes me cringe. I think I was about 8.

I also ran full-pelt into a tree in an adventure maze on a scout camp and bent my glasses. I was staggering around blind until someone took pity on me and escorted me from the maze.

DeegeeDee · 27/09/2017 22:10

When I mooned at (think Jarvis Cocker at Michael Jackson ) the boy I fancied - was my way of telling him I was interested - I was a late starter. Think back and blush 30 years on.

Snoopyokay · 27/09/2017 22:11

I dressed up as a hippie for a fancy dress party but when walking out to my friends parents car my shoelaces got tied together and I fell over!

inkandstone · 27/09/2017 22:13

Peeing my pants while singing All Things Bright and Beautiful in assembly (I was in reception class at the time).

Sparrowlegs248 · 27/09/2017 22:13

As a young teen, went for a walk with my friend. We used to wander past the houses of boys we fancied. We were gone a long time, so my mum sent my brother to look for us. He actually knocked on the door of a sixth formers house and asked "are Nottalotta and friend here?"

I could have died.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/09/2017 22:13

The fancy dress has reminded me that someone told me that dress down day was fancy dress day

So I came as a squirrel. It wasn't fancy dress day. Had to style it out with this big bushy tail for the rest of the day. Got laughed at a lot.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 27/09/2017 22:16

I wet myself on a day trip at guide camp. It was awful .. I pretended it wasnt happening and sort of stepped away from it ... it's my most embarrassing memory.
It happened because there was a girl who laughed at everyone who went to use the latrines (she used to sit in a tree nearby chanting 'we know what you're doing, we know what you're doing' ... so I stopped going hence disaster on that one day on a day trip from camp

thefirstmrsrochester · 27/09/2017 22:19

S1 year, swimming lessons. Had repeatedly asked my mum for a new swimming costume as mine was too small, and very worn. Nope, didn't need one according to her. So during swimming lessons, life saving bit, the instructor picked me (smallest in class) to demonstrate how to pick an unconscious swimmer out the water. Of course my swimsuit was worn to the point of transparency so my entire class got an eyeful of what was as good as me with nothing on. My mum was not poor, she just liked to exert power by saying no. This incident was still talked about when I left school 6 years later. I told her what had happened, she still refused to buy me a new swimming costume. The pool attendant gave me one from lost property. Mortified, properly mortified.

Original poster
Silogreen · 27/09/2017 22:21

Shirley - I once forgot it was non-school uniform day until at the gates. I tried taking my jumper off and rolling up my polo sleeves, but the kid collecting the £1 donation loudly asked why my home clothes were crap, so I just said something along the lines of "I've opted out" so I won't be paying.
Then the teacher openly chastised me for not giving £1 to charity.

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 27/09/2017 22:25

ShirleyPhallus that made me cackle! The image of non school uniform and a random squirrel in the middle Grin

I'd say mine was being caught stealing chocolate biscuits at age 4 in reception. Had put them up my jumper and chocolate had melted all over me. Obviously first thing in the morning and my class teacher was talking to another teacher and reached over to lift my jumper to show her Blush have never taken anything ever again! Do not remember why there were biscuits in class in the first place.

Namechangetempissue · 27/09/2017 22:26

13 years old and sitting with the whole family on Christmas Day -aunts, uncles, the lot -unwrapping presents. Everyone was going one at a time so others could see what they had got.
Aunt handed me a gift and I unwrapped very racy underwear-think sheer, thong, suspender belt etc. What the fuck she was thinking I don't know. I was MORTIFIED. I actually didn't know what to do and remember feeling awful, like I was going to be sick. Family were either horrified or piss taking dependent on age. I still cringe thinking about it.

Winosaurus · 27/09/2017 22:32

I was about 8 and went sledging down a big hill in the farmer's field near our house. Snow was thick and their were sheep everywhere. I lost control and a particularly icy patch of grass, went flying off the sled and landed (well actually skidded) on my face for about 3 meters and subsequently ended up with sheep shit in my mouth.
Mortifying Blush

Onetedisbackinbed · 27/09/2017 22:36

Some of these are so sad, where other people should be ashamed not you poor guys Flowers

MusicToMyEars800 · 27/09/2017 22:37

I pissed myself laughing.. literally.. when I was 13, me and my friend were laughing at something and I needed a wee and the laughter mixed with that, well it just flowed out, I could not hold it Grin

KoolKoala07 · 27/09/2017 22:43

At primary school I rolled up the corner of my maths book and stuffed it up my nose in a boring lesson. Realised it was stuck Blush and had to put my hand up at tell the teacher in front of everybody. Dm was called up to the school and came armed with a pair of tweezers.

Crispyturtle · 27/09/2017 22:51

My grandmother came to visit when I was about 11/12 years old. We were all stood on the drive to greet her, she got out of her mini metro, cupped one of my (very small) breasts and boomed 'MY, YOU'VE REALLY DEVELOPED!' In front of my father and three older brothers. I can still feel the burning mortification now Grin

caringdenise009 · 27/09/2017 22:52

Being asked to do a drawing of "what I did over the summer" by my new class teacher, and her horror as she stopped behind me as she was going round inspecting our work. Because this was the seventies and we had been left alone to entertain ourselves. We discovered the game of standing up poos. So I'd drawn that, complete with our catch phrase DROPPING BOMBS!

grumpysquash3 · 27/09/2017 22:56

Crispy
OMG that is awful, why would she think that was in any way appropriate?

caringdenise009 · 27/09/2017 23:00

I can still remember how that drawing looked too, I should've included a diagram

shouldnthavesaid · 27/09/2017 23:01

S2 , aged 13 or so - my so called friend undid my bra in the middle of a music lesson and told the whole class Blush. I was big boobed for 13 (38D ish). I can't understand why I told the male teacher but he let me use the staff toilet! Funnily enough we aren't friends now ,, haven't spoken to her since 2005.

LuckLuckLUCK · 27/09/2017 23:05

DROPPING BOMBS!

Grin
EKLInTraining · 27/09/2017 23:07

Pmsl at silogreen reflexively patting a boy's genitals & "there there" Grin

When I was about 11 my school competed in a local talent event. Four of us girls sang a Beatles medley and for some reason they'd decided to dress us in black bin bags (think they were the Glaswegian equivalent of mini skirts Grin).

Anyway we won the competition and I was told to go and collect the prize in front of THE WHOLE COUNTY... could hear the headteacher hissing something at me but couldn't work out what she was saying... turned out my bin bag had ridden up and everyone got a full-on view of my knickers Blush I was mortified. We moved countries soon after!

0hCrepe · 27/09/2017 23:08

So funny