AIBU to be worried

[BringMeSunshinePlease]

Would you allow your 16 year old DD to stay out overnight with her BF if you'd don't know the people she's staying with? She's in a sexual relationship with BF.

AIBU to be worried?

I would not be happy and would not allow it if I didn't know the people. That said, is your dd usually trustworthy? It sounds as though you have a good relationship if she has confided in you that she is sexually active.

The people do you mean his family? If yes than yabu if not family then yanbu

Sorry to be clear she's not my DD. The people she's staying with are his family but the 16 yr olds mother has never met them.

Well I suppose it would depend on what the bf was like tbh was he respectful and kind, tbh I don't think it's a problem

If it was the boyfriends family and I know the boyfriend, then I would not have an issue.

She's not your DD? Whose is she then?

Well she’s not really Staying out over night with him, she’s staying at his parents house with them there.

Who is she to you?

Your business because?

It's my business because it's my house she's staying in! The BF is DSS.

I'm worried about her impact on our family life. I don't like her being here but get no say.

Why don't you want her there?

I stayed with my boyfriends parents at 16, and my parents had never met them. They trusted me (justifiably, I was sensible).
What are you worried about in particular?

You'll have more influence if they stay with you unless there's some problem it's hard to comment

What impact is she having on your family life?

So, the girl is staying with her boy friend's family. Her family have not met his. Would I have an issue if she were my DD? No, I would not. If, on the other hand the two of them were staying together at the house of a third party who I did not know, then yes I might have issues. In any event, I do not see what your problem is if the boy is your DSS and what the "impact" could be that you are worried about.

what is the impact on you family life currently?

Her presence changes the family dynamic. He's different with her around - cocky and show offy. DSD doesn't like it, she hardly speaks when she's around. DH is scared of saying no to DSS as he won't take no for an answer and doesn't drop it. The GFs mother has not even got out of her car to talk to us (when dropping her off).

What are you worried about happening?

so he's cocky and rude, but it's her fault?

Nope wouldn't be comfortable with that either TBH. People don't always understand what a big impact things can make on dynamics if they haven't experienced similar. I wouldn't want/ her there. Do your step children live with you and their dad full time

?*

OP didn't say it was the GF's fault, she said it changes the dynamic which is understandable and she has no say in the situation so I can imagine it is hard to deal with.

So the question of whether the GF's mother likes or doesn't like it is completely immaterial to your issues. You don't want her staying over in your house (which is fair enough).

What do you mean DSS "won't take no" for an answer? What would happen if your told him flat out that you don't want her staying? Would they go stay with her family? Would you prefer that? How often is this happening?

I think someone needs to talk to your stepson about his attitude, and then if he doesn't sort his shit out, tell him until he does she won't be staying.

Banning her from the house won't solve anything, he'll still think it's acceptable to treat his family like dirt to impress people.

My DS GF stays at my house. Her parents have never met me. Is that the same as the situation you're describing? If so, then I would say that's completely normal. I think most parents would be the same, so long as they'd met the BF/GF.

Whether or not you like your DSS GF is a different issue.